How to be a good guest and host: 19th century etiquette rules that still apply today

How to behave at a party

Don't expect to be welcomed at any moment

Even if they say to you from the bottom of your heart: “Come to visit us somehow,” it does not mean at all that you can do it at any moment. Accept the invitation only by clearly discussing the date and duration of your visit. Otherwise, you are likely to face dissatisfaction with the owners. Or even with the fact that they are not at home or for some reason they cannot receive guests.

And you yourself should refrain from such vague invitations to avoid inconvenience.

Don't stay too long

If you have not discussed the duration of your visit in advance, limit the time from three days to a week. The exact scope will depend on the closeness of your relationship with the hosts and the distance you have traveled.

Immediately after arrival, tell me how much you are going to visit. If desired and possible, the hosts will offer you to stay longer. Never embarrass people by forcing them to ask how long you will live with them.

Be polite and adapt to the hosts

Try not to break the routine in the house. Eat at the same time as your hosts and don't keep you waiting. While they are busy with work or other activities, find your own entertainment. Don't expect everyone to abandon their responsibilities to be with you.

Spending all the time separately, however, is also not worth it. You can search and discuss options for joint activities, adjusting to the owners. If they offer to take a walk or go somewhere, agree (of course, to the extent of your physical capabilities).

If something does not suit you, do not mention it either while you are visiting or after. Only talk about what you like and give thanks for it. Comment on the good, but ignore the bad.

If you have witnessed family problems, do not bring this up. The hosts themselves will start a conversation about an unpleasant situation if they want to discuss the problem with you.

Try to cause as little hassle as possible. But don't apologize for every little thing. Keep the room assigned to you clean. Don't throw your clothes and other items around the house.

Be patient with children

Do not point out their misconduct to the owners, do not criticize. You, as a polite guest, must put up with the shortcomings of children and not pay attention to some not very good actions on their part.

Be courteous to your host friends

You do not have to communicate closely with the environment of those who are visiting. If you are not happy with these people, try not to express your dislike. Don't avoid them, be polite and pleasant, but don't make the conversation too personal. And don't tell your hosts that you don't like their friends.

Thank you for the hospitality

Before leaving, thank the hosts for a pleasant time. When you return home, let us know that you have arrived safely, and once again express your gratitude for the display of cordiality.

How to receive guests

1. Give them the best food and room you can. And do not express regret that you did not find something even more worthy for them.

2. Make people feel at home. Don't just say it out of courtesy, but really make an effort to make them feel comfortable. Try to hide minor inconveniences that guests have brought you. Spend as much time with them as other things and responsibilities allow.

3. Invite the guest to stay with you as long as it suits him. But if the departure date has already been decided, do not delay it. When the time is right, help pack up and offer to stay with you again in the future.