What is a guest marriage and who is it suitable for?

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Such a relationship can be an outlet for those who value personal space and do not plan children.

We met, fell in love, started dating, moved in, got married. Most long-term relationships develop approximately according to this pattern. But it also happens that cohabitation falls out of this sequence and people prefer a guest marriage. We figure out what it is and who it can suit.

What are the features of a guest marriage

In a guest marriage, partners converge, sometimes even register a relationship, but at the same time each lives in his own house and does not maintain a common budget and everyday life. Meet and spend time together as often as they like. People can live at any distance from each other - even on neighboring streets, even in different countries. In doing so, consider the following:

• Guest marriage is not synonymous with an open relationship. It is understood that although partners sleep in different beds, they remain faithful to each other and do not look for connections on the side.
• This is a deliberate and voluntary choice. Situations when, for example, the husband goes on a long voyage or leaves to work on a rotational basis, and the wife is forced to wait for him "on the shore", are not considered a guest marriage. Rather, it is a long-distance relationship.
• Such a marriage can be officially registered, but this is not required.

Why do people choose guest marriage

They value their comfort and do not want to give it up

This applies to money, and everyday life, and the established rhythm of life. A person is completely satisfied with the way he lives: his apartment, his income, his job, the way he spends his free time. And he doesn't want to change anything. But at the same time he wants a permanent and monogamous relationship with a reliable and close-minded partner.

They don't want to rub against another person

For example, tolerate his mood swings. Consider his habits and schedule. Coordinate your plans with him.

They need a lot of personal space

If people live in the same house, they meet every evening and spend at least a couple of hours together. Someone this is not enough and wants to be with a loved one even longer. But there are also those who need solitude, rest and peace. Or, on the contrary, he leads an active social life: attends courses, meets friends, plays sports and various hobbies. And in this life, there is not much room for a permanent partner.

They live in several cities

Or even countries. It may be that people are building successful careers in different locations and none of them plans to sacrifice this career. But at the same time, both want to be a couple - and consciously choose to live separately and rarely meet when the schedules coincide.

I have been officially married for almost 20 years. Everything is traditional: engagement, wedding, shared apartment, children. After the divorce, for a long time I could not find a suitable person and already got used to the idea that I would meet old age alone. And then I met a man whom I liked. We quickly realized that the two of us are good and we want to go on through life together.

But here's the catch: I've already forgotten what it is like to live with another person, to let him into my life and my home, to get used to him. I have been living alone for a long time, and I like it: well, calm, cleanliness around, all things lie exactly as I put them. And I realized that I absolutely do not want to change these and many of my other habits, to put up with another person next to him with all his features, shortcomings, sounds, smells.

I plucked up courage and expressed these thoughts to my man. To my great happiness, he understood everything and, as it turned out, held almost the same views. Therefore, we got married, but decided that everyone would live at home. And we are completely satisfied with this format. We meet 2-3 times a week, sometimes we visit each other, sometimes to the cinema, restaurant or theater. We support each other, if necessary, talk a lot, come to the rescue. At the same time, we have a separate budget, in other matters - such as everyday life, habits, leisure - we also try not to interfere with each other and not impose anything.

It may even seem like the ideal form of relationship. But there are also pitfalls.

What difficulties will you have to face

1. Lack of personal communication can lead to conflicts

If people are under the same roof, they have the opportunity to discuss a conflict situation, look into each other's eyes, and embrace. When they communicate mostly on the phone, they are left with only a voice. Or even a chain of letters and emoji - if the interaction takes place in the messenger. Such reduced communication can lead to misunderstandings or even exacerbate the conflict: it is more difficult to read a person's emotions and understand their intentions.

2. People will lack support

A man came home upset and tired. And he wants someone to pour hot tea, console, take it "on hand". And no one is at home. If the partner does not live very far away, he can be asked to come, but this will take some time. So people in a guest marriage can be lonely. And in this he resembles a relationship at a distance.

3. It's almost impossible to raise children like that

For couples who do not plan to become parents or, say, have already released adult offspring from the nest and live for themselves, a guest marriage may be suitable. But for families with children - not very much. Firstly, caring for a child alone is difficult - both physically and mentally. And secondly, it is completely incomprehensible how to organize life and how an endless change of parents can affect the development of the baby.

4. There is a high probability of encountering misunderstanding of loved ones

This form of relationship is still quite unusual for the majority. In the minds of people, being a strong couple means living together - and nothing else. Therefore, those who have decided to break this stereotype may be bombarded with a million questions, reproaches and caustic remarks. If you open a discussion of guest marriage on social networks or on other platforms, you can see that people consider it to be something immoral or infantile, often confused with an open relationship.

Julia Hill

Guest marriage is an attempt to find a balance between love and fear. For example, a person had a domineering intruding mother, and any close relationship is now associated with a stifling deprivation of their autonomy. A guest marriage, like a long-distance relationship, allows you to keep a comfortable distance from your partner. By the way, for the same reason, this form of union is chosen by people who decided to unite themselves by marriage not at a young age. A microcosm has already been created, with habits and rituals, and I don't want to let another person go there for permanent residence.

It's another matter when partners are planning children, because it is difficult for a child to learn to interact with a parent when he is present on a schedule. However, it also happens that they began to live as a guest marriage, and with the advent of the child, it was transformed into a classic one, with a common life.

Each couple chooses exactly how they feel good. If such an organization of jointness occurs by mutual agreement of the parties, then why not? Remember, in the USSR, children were taken for a five-day week, and no one said "you are not his mother now!" It's the same in a guest marriage: people work on weekdays and live apart, spend weekends together. If someone needs care or help, they move out. A “real” husband (or wife) is not at all the person who sleeps next to you.

In any case, you should focus on yourself and your feelings, and not on the opinions of others. If you want to try this form of relationship - why not. But if you are not satisfied with many moments, then a guest marriage will not suit you.