15 relationship tips from 19th century Russian classics that are still relevant today

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

What do the stories of the heroes Pushkin, Lermontov, Dostoevsky and Gogol teach?

1. Be tolerant of small flaws

But one must be condescending to small weaknesses; whoever does not have them … Whoever understands everything will forgive everything.

War and Peace (1869) by L. N. Tolstoy

Don't focus on small flaws in a person's character or behavior. Perfect people, firstly, are boring, and secondly, they are unreal.

Marya Bolkonskaya is an example of understanding, meekness and forgiveness. She is patient and steadfastly endures the problems that come across her life path. It is these qualities of her that attract Nikolai Rostov.

She is balanced and takes a sober view of the world. And Maria accepts the shortcomings of the characters of her beloved people with almost philosophical calm, realizing that no one is perfect. And you don't have to be one to be loved.

2. Don't postpone happiness for the future

Happiness has no tomorrow; he does not have yesterday's either; it does not remember the past, does not think about the future; he has a present - and that is not a day, but a moment.

"Asya" (1858) I. S. Turgenev

Do not deprive yourself of happy moments, waiting for the perfect moment, as the hero of Turgenev did. After all, they may not be repeated later.

In the story "Asya" NN promised his beloved brother that he would not marry her. And although the young people loved each other, the hero kept his word. But even many years later, he could not forget and did not stop looking for Asya, who had suddenly disappeared from his life.

He did not feel such feelings for any other girl. N. N. made a major mistake in his life, failing to understand that happiness was already in front of him. One had only to lend a hand.

3. Do not manipulate people or play with their feelings

The less we love a woman, The easier she likes us

That's exactly what my Eugene thought.

He in his first youth

Was a victim of violent delusions

And unbridled passions.

Spoiled by the habit of life, One is fascinated for a while, Frustrated by others

We slowly languish with desire, We are languishing with windy success, Listening in noise and silence

The eternal murmur of the soul, Suppressing yawns with laughter:

This is how he killed eight years, Losing life is the best color.

"Eugene Onegin" (1833) A. Pushkin

Ignoring the person and their feelings is not the best strategy for getting attention. This game may seem intriguing to some at first, but it is very easy to get tired of it.

Everyone is familiar with the lines that Pushkin put into Onegin's mouth that a woman's attention can be attracted by indifference, but few remember what follows them. The author did not at all call to hide your feelings in the hope of conquering someone with indifference. His hero Eugene Onegin lost the best years of his life, following this principle, and deprived himself of the opportunity for strong sincere feelings, which he later regretted.

4. Don't blame others for your unjustified expectations

… but where did she change it?

To whom? so that they could reproach with infidelity.

Yes, with Chatsky, it is true, we were brought up, grew up:

The habit of being together every day is inseparable

Tied us with childhood friendship; but after

He moved out, he seemed bored with us, And he rarely visited our house;

Then he pretended to be in love again

Discerning and distressed!

Woe from Wit (1825) A. Griboyedov

Be honest and speak openly with your partner if you want to avoid misunderstandings and misunderstandings, because your thoughts are impossible to read.

Griboyedov's comedy shows the social and political picture of that time: how the nobility lived, what worried him and what customs reigned. An intricate love line maintains an overall satirical attitude. Chatsky, in an attempt to enlighten himself, left the house, and upon his return he hoped that everything remained the same, including Sophia's attitude.

Before leaving, he did not explain to her, did not confess his feelings, but at the same time hoped that she would faithfully wait for him. When it was discovered that the girl had a new lover and Chatsky's claims were unfounded, the hero was surprised and offended. But she did not give him any promises, so his claims are groundless.

5. Understand your feelings and be honest with yourself and others

- But you, Katya, don't love Tikhon.

- No, how not to love! I feel sorry for him very much.

- No, you do not love. If it's a pity, you don't like it.

"The Thunderstorm" (1860) A. N. Ostrovsky

Before starting a relationship, figure out what you really want and understand yourself. Happiness starts from within.

Ostrovsky wrote a play in which the old established order struggles with a rapidly changing world. But the main conflict takes place inside the heroine Katerina, who followed the rules adopted at that time and married Tikhon. Such a life makes her deeply unhappy.

Trying to please everyone, but not getting a kind word for this, she lives life not at all the way she wants. Katerina dreams of another life and falls in love with Boris - the embodiment of everything that she herself is deprived of. And in the end it becomes clear that she does not love her husband, but regrets.

6. Don't always listen to outside opinions

Well, don't be afraid and don't think about anything else … Today is our day, and no one will take it away from us …

"Olesya" (1898) A. I. Kuprin

The opinion of close people and a look from the outside can be useful, but what actually happens between partners, only they know. Therefore, cut off those who want to somehow influence you and your relationship.

The main character of Olesya, Ivan Timofeevich, falls in love with a girl whom people consider a witch. She really has a supernatural gift and thinks that he connects her with the devil, and therefore she is unworthy of love. But despite rumors and warnings from superstitious residents, the hero sees in Olesa a sweet, albeit unusual, girl.

For his sake, she goes to church, which she was afraid of all her life, and he ignores the slander against her and her family. But human anger turns out to be stronger in this novel - Olesya disappears, leaving her beloved only a piece of jewelry as a keepsake.

7. Overcome difficulties together

But love strongly advised me to stay with Marya Ivanovna and be her protector and patron.

"The Captain's Daughter" (1836) A. Pushkin

Don't be shy about the problem. External obstacles are surmountable if you act together and help each other.

Before reuniting, the main characters of The Captain's Daughter, Petya Grinev and Masha Mironova, went through many difficulties. The hero's family was against their wedding, and they wanted to marry the girl off to another. They were separated by the Pugachev rebellion, Petya was on the verge of death. But it was Masha's request that saved him from the gallows. Whatever difficulties fate threw in their direction, together they overcame them.

8. Look for the person with whom you will become the best version of yourself

… But you don't know yet, you don't know what kind of heart it is, what kind of girl this is!

"Crime and Punishment" (1866) F. M. Dostoevsky

A healthy relationship changes a person for the better. But they do it nonviolently. Change must come from your own desire to be better for your loved one.

The fate of Sonya Marmeladova is ambiguous, but almost every character in Crime and Punishment praises her kindness and dedication. It is to her that Rodion Raskolnikov first reveals his terrible secret, and she insists that he take the sin off his soul and go into exile. And she herself follows him. In the new place, everyone again fell in love with Sonya, and love for her softened the cynical and cold-blooded rebel Rodion and made him a new person.

9. Don't close your eyes to annoying habits

Stolz looked at the lying Oblomov, Oblomov looked at him.

Stolz shook his head and Oblomov sighed.

- You seem to be too lazy to live? Stolz asked.

- And what, after all, and that is true: laziness, Andrei.

Oblomov (1859) I. A. Goncharov

Bad habits that cause anxiety at the very beginning of a relationship will not go away over time, and tension will grow. Talk to your partner, express your concerns, because they will not dissipate, but will only increase.

The image of Oblomov, lying on the couch all day, has become canonical. The hero was forced to rise only by a sudden love for Olga Ilyinskaya, an active and progressive girl. But even though it was going to get married, Oblomov's suspiciousness and his fear of public opinion still got in the way of happiness.

And laziness played an important role in their break. His indifference to everything around worried Olga. And every day it became an increasingly significant problem, until it led to a break.

10. Do not use people for mercantile purposes

- Ah, Vakula, you are here! Hello! - said the beauty with the same grin that almost drove Vakula crazy. - Well, did you do a lot? Eh, what a small bag! Did you get the skullcaps worn by the queen? get the skullcaps, I'll get married! - and, laughing, ran away with the crowd.

The blacksmith stood rooted to the spot in one place.

"The Night Before Christmas" (1832) N. V. Gogol

Do not seek material gain in a relationship; this approach is unlikely to bring happiness. Arrogance and pretense are also not the best basis for starting something serious.

The beautiful Oksana, although she loved the blacksmith Vakula, decided to use him for her own benefit. The hero in love was ready to fulfill her every desire and go even to the ends of the world, but in the end he could not stand her arrogance.

Oksana, when she realized that she had lost the blacksmith, regretted her behavior. In Gogol's story, the story ends with the repentance of the girl, who even abandoned the slippers, just to be with her beloved. But everything could have turned out differently.

11. Look for someone who shares your views on relationships

And what is this mysterious relationship between a man and a woman? We physiologists know what this relationship is. You study the anatomy of the eye: where does it come from, as you say, a mysterious look? It's all romanticism, nonsense, rot, art. Let's go watch the beetle.

Fathers and Sons (1862) I. S. Turgenev

Do not try to draw into a relationship someone who is not ready for them or resists. If your points of view on matters of love do not coincide, then the union will only bring disappointment in the end.

Fathers and Sons is a novel about the uneasy relationship between generations. They are separated by a huge chasm, and family members often do not hear or understand each other. Evgeny Bazarov is a new person. The author painted him as a nihilist, who puts the mind above the heart and looks down on the feelings of people.

But with the appearance of Anna Odintsova in his life, Bazarov changes. Love and composure are fighting in him. Anna is also drawn to Eugene, but she understands that she will not be happy with him, because he cannot give her the peace of mind of family comfort.

12. Avoid those who are constantly looking for a cure for boredom

I often ask myself why I so persistently seek the love of a young girl whom I do not want to seduce and whom I will never marry? Why is this female coquetry?..

To be the cause of suffering and joy for someone, without having any positive right to do so - isn't this the sweetest food of our pride? What is happiness? Saturated pride.

"A Hero of Our Time" (1840) M. Yu. Lermontov

People who are spurred on by excitement in a relationship quickly get bored with a calm and measured life. They go in search of adventure or artificially inflame passions. It is definitely not boring with them, but one should not expect stability from adventurers.

Pechorin is a fan of tickling his nerves. He steals the beautiful Bela from his home because he is bored in a fortress in the Caucasus. The girl is deeply unhappy in captivity, and the hero tries with all his might to win her over. And when he succeeds and the girl's feelings awaken, Pechorin falls into apathy. The goal is achieved, the girl is no longer interesting to him.

A similar story happens with Princess Mary. He uses her to cause jealousy from Vera, who is married and in love with him. And when Mary confesses her love to him, Pechorin remains indifferent. The hero has one motive: he is driven by the search for adventure.

13. Bypass those who play and make you jealous

“I am a flirt, I have no heart, I am an actor's nature,” she once told him in my presence, “well, good! So give your hand, I will stick a pin into it, you will be ashamed of this young man, you will be in pain, but all the same, Mr. Truthful Man, if you please laugh. Lushin blushed, turned away, bit his lips, but ended by holding out his hand. She pricked him, and he definitely began to laugh …

"First Love" (1860) I. Turgenev

Do not demand proof of love from those you are not interested in, and do not agree to such demands yourself. Trials, attempts to induce jealousy and undercover games have nothing to do with feelings. Their goal is entertainment, so they are unlikely to have some kind of logical ending.

The young hero of the story "First Love" Volodya falls in love with the neighbors' daughter Zinaida. The girl is sometimes cold with him, then she shows her affection. She invites Volodya home, where she introduces many fans who are waiting for her to make a choice in someone's favor. But the girl is in no hurry: she plays with them.

Volodya also gets it, who naively fulfills her whims, more like extravagance. She wants to make him her page, then she asks to jump from a height. But no matter what he does, Zinaida still does not share his feelings, but loves another.

14. Don't look for happiness in love triangles

Is it true that you can love two? I do not understand. You can love not two, but several, but here is a play on words; you can love only one person, and with it I love my husband.

"Who is guilty?" (1846) A. I. Herzen

Intrusion into an established relationship is unlikely to bring joy to at least one of the sides of a love triangle. No wonder they say that happiness cannot be built on someone else's misfortune.

The Krucifersky family lived peacefully and calmly until the eccentric Beltov entered their house. He showed signs of attention to his wife, which is why she also became interested in the guest. The result was a secret meeting, in which Beltov confessed his love to her. Kruciferskaya, unable to withstand the onslaught of this self-confident man, is already ready to fall into his arms, but their meeting is interrupted by a friend of the hero.

Full of worries, the woman falls ill, her husband, not knowing the causes of the illness, worries about his wife and finds consolation at the bottom of the bottle. And Beltov leaves the city. The family life of the Kruciferskys is disrupted, and the main character disappears without a trace.

15. Beware of people who put their comfort above the rest

Here, as I see, you can spend your time with pleasure. I love hospitality, and, I confess, I like it better if I am pleased with my heart, and not just out of interest. And the mayor's daughter is very good-looking, and my mother is such that you could still … No, I don't know, but I really like this kind of life.

The Inspector General (1836) N. V. Gogol

Inflated self-esteem and the desire to get only pleasure from life are sure signs that this is a person who does not want to disturb his comfort for the sake of someone else. If the relationship will create inconvenience for him, then he will easily refuse them.

In the play "The Inspector General," the love line occupies a completely unimportant place, thereby Gogol emphasizes the character of his hero. Khlestakov is a rogue who loves only himself. He strives for a comfortable life and does not disdain dirty tricks. If you need to lie for your own benefit, he won't even blink an eye.

Khlestakov is the same with regard to women. Just what is the scene where he, with a difference of a few lines, makes an offer first to Marya, and then to her mother, not embarrassed by the married position of the latter. And all because he is not going to marry at all, but simply wants to get out of a precarious position.