11 things a depressed man should hear

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Depression and anxiety appear regardless of gender, but this does not mean that men and women suffer from it the same way. And today we will talk about what depression is from a male point of view. The sincere story of journalist Daniel Dalton is encouraging and helps you understand where to go if you are depressed.

1. You are not weak

We are surrounded by liars. Our culture celebrates masculinity. The world is supposedly not interested in knowing how you feel. It downplays women and minorities, but also harms men. Undoubtedly.

Men suffer because from childhood they are taught not to give vent to feelings, they are assured that feelings have no value and they need to be forgotten as soon as possible. Depression also lies. She whispers that no one cares about you. It is incredibly difficult to overcome these stereotypical beliefs and speak out frankly. But asking for help is not a weakness.

I am tall, large, strong. I have always been proud of my good physical shape and health. But with depression my self-esteem blew away like a wind - I felt devastated both physically and spiritually. But at the same time, it helped to get rid of stereotypes. With all my external attitude, I often felt fragile, overwhelmed and could not understand why. At first it was difficult to talk about this, but it is pleasant - to open up to another person, to feel calmer, to feel that you are understood. Talking about my feelings, I began to better understand what is happening to me and why. Daniel Dalton

2. You may not even know that you are depressed

Men don't talk about depression, they usually suppress their feelings. It is easier for women in this regard: according to statistics, they are twice as likely to seek help from professionals and receive treatment. This is probably why men are three times more likely than women to have drinking problems. They seek to numb the pain, not deal with its cause. In addition, men in Russia are six times more likely than women to commit suicide. We can say that silence literally kills men. But there is another way out.

I was not diagnosed with depression until I was 30, but I have suffered from depression from time to time since I was young. Having gone without treatment for so long, I have acquired a whole arsenal of bad habits and avoidance strategies. They helped me not to think about feelings that I did not want to know about. After some time, I learned to overcome this, replace bad habits with useful ones, and began to feel much better than, say, two and a half years ago. Just knowing that I was sick and a series of treatments helped me a lot to recover. Daniel Dalton

3. It's okay to be an owl

No, you are not a lazy person. Depression is debilitating. You feel bad, tired, sleepy, exhausted. And for most people with depression, these symptoms get worse in the morning. Most people are by nature early risers. But this does not mean that you, too, should be vigorous in the morning.

I feel bad in the morning. More often than not, just waking up is a challenge. Getting up and getting dressed is the second test. After all the exhausting morning commutes, I feel anxious, frustrated and drained. I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t want to smile, wave, and say good morning energetically. I need to calm down, live my own rhythm, and recharge. Nothing personal, I really just don't have the strength to pretend. And that's okay. I cannot do this in the morning. I will smile and wave my hand in the evenings. Daniel Dalton

4. You are not naturally morose

Irritability is a common symptom of depression. But more often than not, it is in men that depression manifests itself in irritability and an aggressive mood, and not just in sadness. Depression is a tricky, insidious parasite that brings the ugliest things about you to the surface. This impostor looks like you, speaks in your voice. But this is not the real you. Don't forget this.

When you are unable to control your mood, you lose faith in yourself. When you don't know how you will feel the next minute. When you can't control it. I didn't want to snarl, or complain, or speak “in that tone,” but it did happen. When I was younger, I thought that my sullenness, irritability is a natural part of who I am. The realization that this is part of the depression, not part of me, was colossal. This opened up a whole world of new possibilities. It turns out that I can enjoy life too! Who would have thought! Daniel Dalton

5. Depression scoffs

Another lie that depression whispers to you: "You are useless, you are worthless." It destroys self-esteem and distorts your self-image. She fills your mind with pessimistic thoughts that only make your mood worse: “I'm a terrible person. I look terrible. I am not worthy of love. " It is difficult to silence this voice, but you can calm it down. You can be kind to yourself. You wouldn’t tolerate it if a stranger said this about your friend, so don’t let depression treat you that way.

Before I knew I was depressed, I experienced a surge in negative thoughts and feelings and looked for dopamine to fill the void. At 20, my substitutes for pills were exercise and casual sex. Later, when the depression worsened, I replaced them with food. I gorged on carbohydrates, sugars, caffeine - anything that could give me a sense of satisfaction. I didn't have the strength to go in for sports, I gained weight. Not much, but enough for me to notice. It’s enough for a voice in my head to say that I look disgusting. I started to avoid photographs and mirrors - I still don't have a mirror in my bathroom. I started to work on myself, tried to accept myself and came a long way. Traveling is a great place to start. Daniel Dalton

6. Canceling plans is okay

Depression rarely comes alone. She appears with other disorders: anxiety, insomnia, social phobia. If you suffer from it alone, the pressure intensifies friendships, relationships, social obligations: it seems to you that if you do not pay enough attention to people, they will turn away from you, and this takes the last of your strength. But depression is a disease. It is okay to skip dinner because you have the flu, as well as to cancel plans if you are not feeling well morally. Your health should be a priority. Friends will understand this, and if not, most likely they are not the best friends, for that matter.

Knowing in advance about an event I have to attend and have fun at is a heavy burden, and I often try to get rid of it. It is especially difficult with new friends or friends that I have not seen for a long time. Sometimes at the end of the day, I just need to go to a quiet place and gain strength. And we are not talking about complete isolation. I reboot to jump into battle again tomorrow. Daniel Dalton

7. … but don't cancel all plans

There are many activities that are not suitable for a depressed and anxious person. For example, surprise parties are a complete mess. Most group activities are also extremely harmful. Birthdays, New Years, Christmas - in general, the time when the expectation of fun reaches its peak can be a real nightmare.

Ask friends to announce plans ahead of time - you want the option to opt out. Don't agree to go where something doesn't suit you. The fun is relative. Having fun doesn't mean going to the best night out of your life. You can have fun lying on the couch under a blanket and watching a movie.

Last New Year I stayed at home, watched Goofs and drank whiskey. I cannot imagine a better start to the year. One of my most harmful mantras is "I hate fun." Of course, I'm not serious. What I really mean is that what is fun for one person may not necessarily be the same for another. I know what I enjoy, and when I am in doubt, I repeat to myself, “I love dancing. I love to sing karaoke. I love watching movies. I love live music. I like to have dinner and drink with someone tete-a-tete. " Often I am prejudiced about certain things and think that I will not like it, but I persuade myself to go. Sometimes I just need a little push. Daniel Dalton

8. It's all about small steps

Depression destroys hope. It not only prevents you from taking steps towards recovery and prevents you from seeing opportunities, but it also robs you of the ability to put one foot in front of the other. It is difficult to realize that everything can get better, much less to understand how to achieve it.

My ex-girlfriend kept asking me how I see our future. “Happy, I would like to hope,” I replied. Vague wording just to calm her down. I didn't really have any ideas. I didn't know what I wanted and how to achieve it. When you have to struggle every day, it is impossible to plan for anything five years ahead. I was constantly in a bad mood, and the very idea that I could be really happy, at some point did not seem realistic to me.

I still cannot plan that far ahead, but now I can concentrate on the present. Life is not a series of 5-year plans, it is a series of small moments. I have found that if I can enjoy the little things, if I can enjoy every day, it becomes easier to look into the future. The steps to recovery are not always easy, but now I see that there is nothing difficult in going through them one by one. Daniel Dalton

9. Not wanting sex is okay

Depression affects libido. Low self-esteem and lack of energy can affect your sexual appetite and even lead to erection problems. Some antidepressants can affect not only an erection, but also the ability to have an orgasm. Together, they can make your sex life a real challenge.

Often a man's company can be depraved, but do not let the pressure on you. Your friends don't sleep with women as often as they say. If you have a girlfriend and you are afraid that you will not be able to cope with your "duties", let her know about it. Communication helps, and perhaps together you will sooner find a solution to the problem. For example, you can always pay more attention to it. Or together you can build a fort of blankets and hide there from the rest of the world. Daniel Dalton

10. Don't run away from problems

Depression is hard to live with. Lack of energy, irritability, negativity, constant cancellation of plans can greatly stress the relationship. But it is important to draw the line between illness and personality: you are not your depression, you are not a heavy burden. Sometimes everyone needs to be alone, but understand that sometimes interacting with other people is a small step towards recovery. If you do not feel the strength to do this, just meet with close friends: social groups reduce the manifestation of depressive symptoms and prevent them from recurring.

My instincts often made me run away from problems. I wanted to go home as soon as possible, I avoided people. After my last relationship collapsed, I went to the mountains, but I began to feel completely unhappy. Without company to take care of me or influence me, my negative feelings and thoughts intensified. I wanted to be alone, but quickly realized that I didn't want to be alone forever. People can be very good support if given the chance. Daniel Dalton

11. It's okay to be sad

Misconceptions and misinformation about depression are not only widespread and varied, but also very dangerous. People who have never experienced these symptoms may offer platitudes like “cheer up” or “try better” without realizing the negative consequences of their words. Being sad is not just normal, it is a healthy state, it is human. But you don't need to be sad all the time. There are many ways to handle this.

When I was first diagnosed with depression, I started taking antidepressants. They helped me get through nine very difficult months. I went through a difficult breakup, learned to manage depression. While I was taking my medication, it was difficult to feel anything. In general, I didn’t like this state, I didn’t like how the pills affect my sex life. And I stopped taking them after nine months. I wanted to feel something, even if these sensations are not pleasant. For many people, antidepressants are a lifesaver. For me, they were an additional tool. I am lucky. With therapy, exercise, a healthy diet, I was able to do without them. Daniel Dalton

Seek support from people who understand what you are going through. The therapy helps. It's a slow process, with setbacks, breakdowns and tough days. But then it gets better. You don't have to suffer alone. Do not be discouraged, stay close to those who have already been there.