Why we allow ourselves to be manipulated and how to fix it

We see what we want to see

Imagine: you bought an advertised smartphone. You've read many positive reviews about the bright screen and quality camera and can't get enough of your purchase. But only after a while you begin to notice that the phone's body is slippery, the buttons and ports are inconveniently located, and the battery is quickly discharged. If this happens, you may be the victim of selective, or selective perception.

This cognitive distortion can be briefly described as follows: I see only what I want to see. When we fall into such a trap - and this happens very often - we only notice what coincides with our picture of the world. And what does not fit into it, we simply ignore.

In the case of the phone, we were convinced that it had a stunning screen and a high-resolution camera. And at first we look only at these parameters, not noticing anything else. And only after a few days we realize that the smartphone is not very convenient. Although another trap may be to blame here - a distortion in favor of the choice made. This is a kind of psychological defense that makes us believe that we did everything right and did not waste time.

Another canonical example is an experiment in which participants were shown a recording of a match between Princeton University and Dartmouth College, and then asked to list the violations committed by "their" and "foreign" teams. It turned out that the audience did not notice half of the fouls committed by "their" team. But the mistakes of enemy players are noticed very scrupulously - the saying about motes and logs involuntarily comes to mind.

Selective perception is associated with the fact that our brain receives too much information every day and it is forced to filter it, protecting itself from overload. Advertisers and sellers play on this - when they focus our attention on some qualities of a product and take it away from others.

And of course, all sorts of propagandists and fraudsters - when they manipulate facts, speak their teeth and rub themselves into trust. For example, women who have been imposed a huge loan for cosmetics think they are going for a relaxing beauty procedure. Indeed, the fact that in a beauty salon they can be deceived for a large sum does not at all fit into their picture of the world.

In addition, selective perception affects our relationships with people. If we have already formed some kind of opinion about a person, then in all his words and actions we will look for confirmation of our judgments.

For example, teachers often do not notice the mistakes of their favorite excellent students, and in the same way ignore the successes of the “negligent” students.

This thinking trap is closely related to another cognitive distortion, the focusing effect. Because of it, we receive only part of the information, but at the same time we think that we see the whole picture as a whole. The yellow media are very fond of using this distortion - for example, they catch Kate Middleton with an unhappy expression on her face and write that she had a falling out with Meghan Markle. Although the princess, like any other person, can have a million reasons to be dissatisfied: suddenly she did not get enough sleep or her shoes were rubbed.

How to avoid the trap

Let's be honest: this is almost impossible. Biologist and popularizer of science Richard Dawkins selective perception with the veil. It is as if a person is looking at the world through a narrow slit in a dense black fabric. And this happens not only because of our biology and physiology, but also because of the narrowness of thinking and lack of education.

So there seems to be only one way not to fall into the trap of selective perception - to increase your level of education. Read scientific and popular science materials, analyze and verify any incoming information. The more we know, the wider we look at the world.

We forget important information

Why do people still believe in all kinds of heresy? Scientific and popular science books and articles in free access - I don’t want to read. Doctors, scientists, lawyers have pages on social networks where you can ask difficult questions. And nevertheless, obscurantism and stupidity does not diminish. Why? Perhaps the sleeper effect is to blame.

Imagine reading an article about, say, that children develop autism due to vaccinations. There is a note at the end: "Scientists have disproved this information, and the original research on autism and vaccines was flawed." You nod, say to yourself: "Yes, it's good that this myth has been debunked and you can safely vaccinate children." But after a few weeks, you suddenly start to believe the original message: vaccines cause autism. This is how this effect works.

We receive a message that seems convincing to us, but contains a so-called devaluating incentive. That is, something that casts doubt on the information. For example, an unreliable source is the yellow press, a blogger who has already been caught on rigging and fakes. Or conflicting facts - as in the example of vaccinations.

At first, we reason sensibly and our attitude to the problem does not change: "I will not believe that this politician stole billions of rubles, because his opponents are talking about this and, moreover, they do not give compelling evidence." But after a while we catch ourselves thinking: "But he is a thief and a bad person."

This strange twist of human thinking is actively used for any propaganda, denigrating competitors, and so on.

You can add several conflicting facts to the message - and the person will believe him much more willingly.

In addition, with this approach, it does not matter how truthful the information will be and what kind of source it is posted: if the material is presented convincingly, the reader (listener, viewer) will change his mind after a while.

For the first time, the effect of the sleeper was discovered during the Second World War, when they tried to change the attitude of soldiers to war. For this, patriotic films were shown to the military, but at first they had no effect. But four weeks later, the poll was repeated, and it turned out that the soldiers began to relate to the fighting better.

These findings were confirmed by an experiment in which participants read articles from two sources: one material was written by a reputable scientist, the other was posted in the yellow press. And oddly enough, people believed the tabloid newspaper more. Although, when they were reminded where the wind was blowing from, they changed their minds again.

The cognitive trap got its name from the term "sleeping agent", or "sleeping spy". So they say about a scout who infiltrated an enemy environment, lay low and behaves quietly until he receives an order.

The exact reasons why we fall prey to this trap are unknown. Over time, the connection between the basic information and the devaluating factor weakens, we cease to perceive them in a bundle and consider the message to be reliable.

The sleeper effect does not always occur. It is necessary that the information seems convincing enough, and the devaluating arguments are placed after the main message and make the person doubt.

How to avoid the trap

This cognitive bias is difficult to control. But something can still be done. First, filter information carefully and only draw it from trusted sources. Avoid tabloids, talk shows, publishers, media outlets, and blogs that do not back up their stories with links to scientific research.

This will simply limit conflicting messages and make it harder to manipulate your opinions.

Also, question and analyze any beliefs. So, for no reason at all, you decided that doctors are hiding the truth from you, but in fact there is no AIDS and cancer can be cured with baking soda. Think about where you got this from and whether the source is credible. And, when in doubt, look for scientific publications and certified opinions.

We want to be good

Sometimes we perfectly see deception, forgery or injustice, but we are afraid to say so. One of the reasons is the so-called good girl syndrome. Because of him, people are panicky afraid of someone not to please and are silent, even when they know that something is wrong.

Women often suffer from this scourge - after all, it was their society that from time immemorial forced them to be gentle and submissive. Thus, the researchers asked the respondents to name the adjectives with which they would describe the ideal man and the ideal woman. Among the "male" epithets the leaders were "strong", "independent", "decisive". Among the "women" - "sweet", "warm", "cheerful", "compassionate".

The study was carried out in the seventies, since then the situation has changed somewhat, but women are still expected to be nice and obedient. Assertiveness and aggression on their part are taboo, for a firm refusal - for example, in acquaintance - a woman can be insulted, maimed or even killed. And at Harvard, they found that only 7% of MBA graduates dare to discuss salaries with management - versus 57% of male graduates.

In addition, from childhood, all of us are instilled with respect for elders - unshakable and often blind. Parents and teachers should not be contradicted, their opinions should not be challenged or questioned - even if they say outright nonsense or do something illegal.

This is a rather dangerous attitude, because of which children become victims of sexual violence, tolerate inadequate teachers and trainers.

And then they transfer the concept of "senior" to bosses, officials, TV presenters or any other people who have an authoritative appearance. And they are afraid not only to argue - even to think that this serious, intelligent and adult person may be wrong.

This weakness - consciously or not - is pressured by manipulators of all sorts. Bosses-exploiters - when asked to work overtime, without pay, of course. How can you refuse such a serious, respected person? Sellers - when they sell some unnecessary goods to us, putting on the most good-natured and disposing face. After all, if we say no - and even to such a wonderful guy, he will be upset, and we will feel disgusting.

And then there are advertisers who actively exploit gender stereotypes and our desire to be correct. You're a good wife and mother, aren't you? Then buy our turkey and cook 28 dishes for your family. You are a real man? Eat our burgers and steaks, buy an SUV and a rocking chair. And of course, we cannot fail to mention toxic relatives, partners and “friends” who impose their opinions and their desires on us.

How to avoid the trap

Because of the good girl syndrome, we allow ourselves to be exploited, fail to defend boundaries, and do not live our own lives. At the heart of this trap is the fear of rejection and the need to accept, so getting rid of it with an effort of will will not work.

You have to learn to say no and declare your desires.

It takes practice - so start practicing in the least scary situations. For example, refuse telephone spammers and service providers. If you cope with this, move on to more difficult cases - insolent bosses and manipulative parents.

Say no as often as you can - after a few times, refusals will be much easier for you. You can rehearse the conversation in front of the mirror in advance, prepare arguments, work with objections that may fall on you. You need to refuse politely, but firmly and decisively - without apologizing, without hesitation and without bowing.