Why we screw ourselves up and how to stop doing it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

If known ways to deal with intrusive thoughts aren't working, try metacognitive therapy.

If you are the type of person who constantly winds themselves up, you know how it feels. The same problem constantly reminds of itself. A work dilemma or the question of why you suddenly got a pang in your side this morning - it could be anything, but you can't stop thinking about it. Thoughts are swarming in my head, but the solution still does not come. Fortunately, you can get rid of such intrusive thoughts. Just first you need to understand how they work.

Why constantly thinking about a problem is bad

Obsession makes us endlessly search for a solution, but surprisingly does not in any way prompt us to action. Constant pondering of the problem only confuses thoughts even more and hinders development.

Cranking yourself up is a pathway that can lead to insomnia, trouble concentrating, and loss of energy. Undermined health creates a new cycle of thinking - and now you are already in a vicious circle, from which you cannot get out. In severe cases, this process can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

In order to prevent a sad outcome of events, it is necessary to timely deal with the waves of obsession. But first, let's take a look at the common methods that you shouldn't use.

What strategies for dealing with obsessions don't work

When endless thoughts become unbearable, it is only natural to seek every opportunity to calm down and recover. But some methods not only do not work, but also lead to even more winding up yourself and the situation.

Search for possible problems

There is nothing wrong with it if it is important for you to control the situation. However, this strategy can easily turn against you.

Take health concerns. If, in the hope of calming down, you begin with an addiction to look for signs of illness in yourself and those close to you, this will lead to even more dangerous thoughts.

This method will not work socially either. Let's say you are fanatical about your reputation and what others think of you. As a result, you will seem aloof and strange, and you certainly won't be able to just be yourself and enjoy someone else's company.

Self-consolation

The cycle of thoughts often leads to the fact that a person begins to seek comfort from loved ones or tries to calm down on his own, having received answers to his questions. This seemingly reasonable strategy does not always work.

You have probably searched the Internet for topics of interest at least once during one of the periods of looping. And you must agree that the information found not only does not help you to relax, but also makes you wind yourself up with even greater zeal. This is especially true for health. Simple symptoms are associated with the worst illnesses, and you stop sleeping at night. Thanks google!

Excessive planning

Smart planning is great. A personal planner helps you to be more productive and keep everything in one place. But some go even further and plan their whole life down to the smallest detail. And this is where the problems begin.

While you are making plans, you may want to anticipate all possible outcomes of events and factors that hypothetically can interfere with the implementation of the plan. A cycle of searching for problems starts - you start to wind yourself up because of something that has not happened yet and may never happen.

In addition, if events suddenly start to unfold as planned, it can be alarming. Therefore, it is definitely worth planning, but only in moderation.

How to stop winding yourself up

Many are sure that it is impossible to control your thoughts, because they suddenly appear in the head and instantly attract our attention. And the transformation of these thoughts into obsession, all the more, cannot be stopped.

If you think the same way, catch the good news: you can live without constant worries and winding up. Obsession is not an innate trait that you cannot get rid of.

The creator of metacognitive therapy, Adrian Wells, has discovered that self-winding is a learned strategy that we choose ourselves, consciously or subconsciously. It is not a part of the personality, but a habit that you can work with.

The same metacognitive therapy will help to cope with intrusive thoughts. She will teach you to choose the thoughts on which to focus, no matter what feelings they cause. Here are some methods to try.

Identify your triggers and stop paying attention to them

Scientists have proven that the human brain produces thousands of individual thoughts, associations and memories every day. Most of them are of little value - they come and go. Others, on the other hand, attract us - in metacognitive therapy, they are called "trigger thoughts." Attention to them can cause a real flurry of feelings, associations and even reactions in our body.

Not all trigger thoughts are bad. It could be the satisfaction of having a cool new project at work, the joy of meeting an old friend, or the anticipation of a vacation that will start soon.

But we are interested in other thoughts - those that provoke a chain of experiences starting with the eternal "What if …". What if I make a mistake? What if others don't like me? What if I get seriously ill?

A typical looping begins with the questions "What?", "Why?" And How?". What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? How can I improve my condition?

These thoughts can be compared to trains at a train station. They are constantly leaving in different directions, and each symbolizes one thought or a chain of them. Let's say a train arrives at the station with the thought, “What if no one will like me in the new company?”. You can get on this train, and soon new cars will be added to it - "I can't survive if they don't like it" and "Well, then you shouldn't go to a meeting with them."

But there is another way - to skip this train and not pay any attention to it. When you don't energize thoughts, they either stay on the platform in the hope that you will pay attention to them later, or they pass by.

It's not about the triggered thoughts that appear in your mind, or even the number of them. Problems arise only when you cling to them and begin to actively analyze them, adding new "cars". Gradually, the train gets longer and longer, and getting off it becomes more and more difficult.

The same thing happens with your condition - you get stuck and feel worse and worse. Choose the right thoughts and your train will always be light and fast.

Control your reaction

If you get stuck in most of your thoughts, you are on your way to very unhealthy behaviors. By clinging to each thought over and over again, you may not even notice when it starts to happen automatically.

It is true that trigger thoughts are automatic in nature - you have no influence on the “trains” that arrive at your station. However, you have a choice of which train to take and which one to skip.

Let's take another example. Imagine that your thoughts are incoming calls on your phone. Let it be a phone that cannot be turned off, which means that you have no control over who calls you and when. But you can decide whether to pick up the phone or leave the phone to ring and do other things.

Yes, a loud ringing phone will surely be a distraction. But what happens if you just don't answer? Someday he will stop calling. This is the main principle of metacognitive therapy - despite the fact that we cannot control trigger thoughts, only we decide whether to pay attention to them or not.

In fact, the thoughts are pretty ephemeral. Think how many thoughts that visited you yesterday you can remember today. It is unlikely that you will name at least ten. Reflections come and go, you just need to learn how to work with them.

Postpone worries for later

Try to take some time to think. For example, set your alarm for 19:30 and 20:00 - now you have half an hour so as not to restrain yourself and worry as much as you want.

Gradually, this will become a habit - every time in the middle of the day you have anxious thoughts about your health or whether a new colleague liked you or not, you can say to yourself: "I'll deal with this later" and postpone the worries until the right time. The main thing is not to do this an hour or two before bedtime, especially if you suffer from insomnia.

Postponing experiences for later has a positive effect in several directions at once. First, it shatters the opinion that feelings and thoughts cannot be controlled. You already do this every day, although you do not know about it.

Think back to the last time you saw scary news on the Internet on your way to work. At first, she worries you, and then you remember that you need to hurry up, and again turn your attention to your business. This is the control of your thoughts.

The second, no less important function of this method is the awareness of that very ephemeral and changeable thoughts. Usually, thoughts that seem vital to us in the morning are practically forgotten in the evening. Some of them you will never be able to remember at all.

Finally, when you postpone worrying until later, you shorten your overall worry time. You feel in control of the situation and stop giving in to anxiety so easily.

Train your attention

If you constantly screw yourself up, you may become afraid of triggering thoughts. This is not surprising - they are bad for the emotional state, and it would be much better if they could be easily avoided. In reality, this is completely unproductive - without proper elaboration, these thoughts will accumulate, and you will feel even worse.

Try to set aside your trigger thoughts daily until evening time for reflection. It's like learning to ride a bike - you won't be able to get it right at once, and you'll fall frequently. But with regular practice, you will understand how this process works, and it will become automatic for you.

Metacognitive therapy offers a simple 10-minute exercise for switching and training attention. Focus on three or more ambient sounds. For example, on the brisk traffic of cars outside the window, birdsong, radio working in the distance, or the cheerful shouts of children in the yard. It is best to select sounds of different range and volume so that some are closer and louder, while others are farther and quieter.

Now try focusing on each of the sounds for 10 seconds and let the others blend in with the background. Use a timer for accuracy. Repeat the exercise two minutes later. But this time, focus on each sound for 2-3 seconds. With practice, you can include one of your trigger thoughts in the list of sounds. Bring your attention to it quickly, and then bring the focus back to something completely different.

There is another suitable exercise called "Window". Write one or a pair of your trigger thoughts on the glass with a washable marker. For example, "What if I fail my license exam?" or "What if she thinks I'm boring?" Then try looking at the landscape outside the window as usual, ignoring the words written on the glass. Switch between words and scenery, holding your attention for a few seconds. This exercise will help you understand how easy it is to move trigger thoughts to the background.

What to do if you don't want to get rid of the obsession

So far, we have discussed winding up only from the point of view of a problem that interferes with life. However, you can look at it in a very different way.

Perhaps you think that constant thinking and worrying has its merits. If so, it will be especially difficult for you to get rid of the obsession, because it has already turned into a defense mechanism that helps you through life. Curling is your comfort and safety zone, a familiar strategy that you turn to in difficult times.

This attachment to thoughts and experiences suggests that many false assumptions about the benefits of obsession live in you. For example, one of the most common myths is: "If I worry about what might go wrong, I better prepare for it." Or another example: "If I analyze all my mistakes in detail and emotionally, I will not make them the next time." These thoughts make it difficult to let go of the situation and stop winding yourself up.

Ask yourself this question: Have your experiences ever helped you make the right decision or take control of a situation? Most people answer it rather vaguely.

On the one hand, obsession gives a sense of security. But if you look at the situation differently, winding up becomes the main cause of tension, anxiety and anxiety. If you're unsure whether to get rid of the obsession, make a list of pros and cons. Much will become clear to you.

If you want to give up your habit of thinking, but "smooth out" its negative emotional effect a little, take time to worry. But before you make a final decision, try to live without winding yourself up.

Let this be a little experiment. Observe what happens if you give up the constant thought. If you succeed, you will feel immensely relieved, as if the stone had finally fallen off your shoulders. Well, if everything does not go as you wanted, you can always return to the old strategies.