Why it is so difficult for us to change ourselves: key ideas from the book "Psychocybernetics"

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Konstantin Smygin, the founder of the service of book ideas, shares with the readers of Lifehacker the conclusions from the cult book "Psychocybernetics", dedicated to the science of changing oneself.

Dissatisfaction with oneself is a common ailment. Many people want to get rid of bad habits, lose weight, become smarter, healthier, more successful, and focused. People set goals for themselves and try to change. But after several unsuccessful attempts, everything returns to normal. Why it happens is almost a rhetorical question. Some people blame a lack of willpower, others - a lack of motivation.

In his book "Psychocybernetics", written at the dawn of the popularity of books on self-development, plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz (Maxwell Maltz) proposed an interesting concept that absorbed the observations of psychologists about human nature and discovered the reasons why people are unable to change their behavior.

Surely many have heard that it takes 21 days to consolidate a new habit. For the first time, Maxwell Moltz wrote about this, based on his experience as a plastic surgeon: that was how much time it took for his patients to get used to their new face.

"Psychocybernetics" is a book about achieving success, but the author understood success not just as public recognition or wealth, but more broadly as self-realization, the disclosure of creative potential.

"Psychocybernetics" contains in a concentrated form ideas that later began to be massively replicated in the literature on self-development.

What ideas does the book tell you about?

1. The image of one's own "I" determines the thoughts, feelings, actions, success or failure of a person

While working as a plastic surgeon, Maxwell Moltz noticed that some people, having got rid of physical disabilities with the help of plastic surgery, begin to live a happy life, while others continue to suffer and look for imperfections in themselves.

Eliminating the external defects that these people believed were the cause of their problems, in the end, did not make them happy and did not get rid of an inferiority complex. Such people continued to be dissatisfied with life.

Dr. Moltz realized that eliminating physical defects alone cannot make life better. A person changed only when, in addition to appearance, something else also changed.

But what has changed?

Maxwell Moltz discovered that the basis of all actions, thoughts, feelings of a person is the image of his own "I". And if this image is negative, then no positive changes are possible, since the person is internally confident that he does not deserve these positive changes.

If a person has a bad opinion of himself, then all his actions will confirm his "unworthiness". Even having changed his appearance for the better and becoming very beautiful, this person will not change, but will begin to look for new flaws in himself.

Maxwell Moltz's observations led him to the conclusion that the self-image is the key to the behavior of any person.

In order to change your life for the better, external changes or new habits are not enough. It is necessary to change the image of your own "I" to match your new actions and goals.

2. To understand how to change life for the better, you need to learn how the image of your own "I" is formed

Where did the one who considers himself a failure get his current image? It was formed under the influence of those actions, words, sensations that this person remembered and which allowed him to classify himself as a failure.

Therefore, the key to positive change is to engage in the accumulation of positive experiences - experiences of success. As Maxwell Moltz rightly noted, a child grows up self-confident because he was raised correctly, and not because he was told how to raise correctly.

Our opinion about ourselves is formed mostly unconsciously on the basis of experience - successes, failures, attitudes towards us of other people, especially our parents. This is all that from which we build our image of our own "I".

Already having an image of his own "I", a person filters information and seeks confirmation of his opinion. If the information agrees with this opinion, then he perceives it, and if not, then discards it, regardless of how much it corresponds to reality. So a person during his life accumulates information about himself, creating a portrait of his own “I” and strengthening in his convictions. By the way, such selectivity of the human mind has really been confirmed by recent scientific experiments, which explains the nature of many mental traps.

But what if the beliefs are not true? The answer to this question takes courage, and at the same time, it is in it that the beginning of change for the better lies.

3. You need to be convinced of the value of your personality and give up your previous false beliefs

Self-misconception does not arise from what is happening to us, but from how we interpret what is happening. Often we approach ourselves with unrealistic standards, and this makes us feel like a second-class person. But there is no single standard for all. Every person is unique. Therefore, it makes no sense to measure yourself by someone else's yardsticks.

The main thing, from the point of view of the author, is to have an adequate, holistic and realistic idea of oneself. Treat yourself without shame, with trust, understand your weaknesses, appreciate your strengths, be able to accept and understand yourself.

It is the understanding of oneself and the awareness of one's own worth as a unique personality that becomes the key to real self-confidence, which is necessary for any positive changes.

Often our consciousness is darkened by unpleasant feelings, or rather the habit of experiencing them or responding to a situation inadequately. Aggression, which actually hides fear, resentment, emptiness, insecurity - all this sucks the energy out of a person, which he could direct to create a happy life.

The antidote that Maxwell Moltz offers for mental clouding is inner work. It is important to understand that there is a pause between the signal and the reaction, and it is up to us to decide how to fill it: with indignation, resentment or a positive reaction. The author shares the idea of the ancient Roman emperor and Stoic Marcus Aurelius that there is a certain hidden center of calmness inside every person and we just need to open it and draw energy from there during times of difficulties. The author is sure that anger, resentment, insecurity and other unpleasant emotions are just bad psychological habits that have arisen as a result of a misconception about oneself as a worthless person. They are supported by the non-stop work of our subconscious, which is aimed at achieving the wrong goals.

To break these habits, you need to learn to be aware of your reactions and emotions and channel them in a constructive direction through mental training.

How does it start? With the identification and assessment of their beliefs, because they are the basis of actions and even feelings. What are your beliefs? Do you consider yourself worthy of success? Or do you deserve to be punished? Why? Are beliefs based on real facts or just assumptions? Ask yourself questions until you come to the truth.

Often people are too quick to take other people's opinions on faith at their own expense. Helpful advice from the author: initially, consciously decide what you want to believe, and do not take on faith opposing opinions without critical assessment, do not let them take over your thoughts and feelings.

Of course, a person will always face difficulties. But it is worth reconsidering your attitude towards them, changing your position from passive to active, and the former source of anxiety will become a source of strength.

4. Change needs a purpose

Each person has what the author calls a creative mechanism - a subconscious automatic system for achieving a goal. In fact, these are the forces of our subconscious that do the work while the mind does not control them. It is thanks to this mechanism that a person who has worked on some problem for a long time, and then put it aside, attends an unexpected insight, like Newton, who saw a falling apple while relaxing in the garden and formulated the law of universal gravitation.

The creative mechanism needs a purpose to work. Depending on the goals that a person sets for him, the mechanism leads him either to success or to failure.

Dr. Moltz was convinced that man is a creature that is always goal-oriented. Even if a person does not set goals for himself, his unconscious goal will be a goalless life. And all his actions will be aimed at confirming the correctness of the chosen goal. Our brain draws information in accordance with the goals that we have set for it. It depends on the person whether these goals will be positive or negative, and on this, in turn, the result of the person's actions will depend.

How to set a goal correctly? The role of the goal is performed by mental images that our imagination creates. Maxwell Moltz defended the idea that our imagination also determines our limits. The creative mechanism works without conscious influence, but it depends on us what goal we choose and what information we put into it.

5. A person who strives for happiness needs to shape his experience of success

When a person learns to ride a bike, he knows that it is possible to learn this, and periodic falls do not bother him. Over time, he gains practical experience on how to properly balance and how to ride. Despite the fact that at first there were more failures than successes, the automatic mechanism accumulated the information necessary for proper driving, and the person learned to ride without thinking every second of his every move. In the future, the mechanism reproduces all these skills. From the point of view of psychocybernetics, this principle is applicable to all areas of life.

When you learn to ride a bike, in your imagination you already see yourself riding. Starting something new, solving a difficult problem, you need to be sure that its solution exists and that you can find it.

It is important to prepare seriously, to think a lot about the solution, and to be eager to find it. But then relax and make way for your creative mechanism. After a while, the decision will appear before you like an insight. Consciously, we can only lay the direction, and it depends on us whether this will be the direction of success or failure.

6. Actively use the power of your imagination

Maxwell Moltz was convinced that in many ways, imagination determines the direction of our lives. However, we can use its power to our advantage.

We completely trust our imagination in matters of self-representation.

The belief in the correctness of the created image makes us react in a certain way in different life situations. Dr. Moltz was convinced that mental images underlie all our actions. If we have the wrong opinion about ourselves, then our reactions will be wrong. But we can replace old mental images with new ones.

Dr. Moltz talks about a famous experiment: athletes who trained in the imagination showed the same results as those who trained in reality. This means that the human nervous system does not distinguish between the imaginary and the real. In order to change your life for the better, you need mental practice.

7. Rehearse actions in your imagination in accordance with your new image

A person suffering from low self-esteem, phobias and anxiety needs to mentally imagine how he copes with the most frightening problem situations. The more detailed the drawing of what is happening, the better. This preliminary replay of the situation in the head helps to act confidently in reality. And the right actions in reality add up to the experience of success, which makes a person truly confident.

In fact, Maxwell Moltz talks about the visualization technique, when a person imagines how he achieves what he wants by scrolling through mental pictures. This technique is actively used by athletes. This preliminary visualization is suitable for all situations in life. Most people are already doing visualization, worrying and scrolling all kinds of scary pictures in their heads. But from the point of view of psychocybernetics, this is a harmful mental habit that sets you up for failure and failure. Therefore, frightening pictures need to be replaced with positive ones that evoke pleasant emotions.

If you imagine yourself in the desired role long enough, then over time you will grow together with your new image and act in reality as you dreamed before.

8. Strengthen your sense of victory

Psychocybernetics is based on the assumption that in order to find a happy life, a person needs to have an adequate idea of himself and the accumulated experience of success. But here you need to understand that the brain is the brain, it creates images, and does not act.

When taking action, it is important to have realistic ideas, not to expect phenomenal success. The essence is in gradual changes, in the accumulation of experience, faith in oneself and a sense of optimism. Return to mental training daily, replacing anxious thoughts with positive images. And over time, as the author convinces, they will be followed by the thoughts and feelings necessary for success, which will lead you to the desired results.

Conclusion

The book "Psychocybernetics" was first published several decades ago, but to this day its ideas are used by the authors of trainings, books on self-development and psychology.

Despite the opinions of some critics who consider the conclusions of Maxwell Moltz unscientific, in reality the role of attitudes, the influence of consciousness on actions, feelings, sensations is confirmed by scientific experiments and research in recent years.

Simply by adopting an open position, people begin to feel and behave much more confidently. Moreover, they feel more confident, even if they just imagine that they are behaving confidently (this topic is covered in detail in the book of social psychologist Amy Cuddy "The Presence"). And this suggests that Maxwell Moltz's theory is being confirmed: our imagination is a powerful force.

The main merit of Maxwell Moltz's book is in its key idea. At the heart of all human actions is his idea of himself, and changes are impossible as long as a person considers himself not worthy of these changes.

The book's flaws include a slightly old-fashioned didactic tone, a lot of repetition, and an unclear structure.

Nevertheless, "Psychocybernetics" is quite capable of replacing the mass of books on the topic of gaining self-confidence and self-development.