Why we lie to ourselves and how to stop it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Self-deception becomes a habit, taking over all areas of life and generating more lies.

Why do we do this

We succumb to self-deception because we are not ready to admit to ourselves that we are insecure and vulnerable. We do our best to avoid facing the unpleasant truth of life. Psychologically speaking, self-deception is one way to protect yourself from problems and feelings of guilt.

Self-deception is much more effective than coercion or other people's arguments. We always believe in ourselves more willingly. At the same time, we take for the truth what we want to believe. As a result, we unconsciously create in ourselves a false idea of the subject.

Employment syndrome is one of the most common examples of self-deception.

Not having achieved success in some area, many run away from this unpleasant sensation, loading themselves with deeds. This is how some become workaholics due to communication difficulties. At the same time, self-deception turns on, and the person tells himself that he is simple.

Even travel can be a form of self-deception. Some go to them when faced with problems in their personal life or career. And since running away from hardships is perceived as something bad, they tell themselves that they just love to travel.

Some people likewise convince themselves of increased success and attractiveness. Perhaps this explains why many people use filters for their photos. If they are used to deceiving themselves, it costs them nothing to embellish their appearance and other virtues in front of others.

How psychological defense reactions work

Negation

• I do not overeat, although I have.
• I am not addicted to cigarettes, although I smoke more than twenty a day.
• I'm not an alcoholic, although I drink every day.

Such statements are simply a desperate attempt to deceive oneself by denying reality. Thanks to the psychological defense mechanism, we perceive them as an integral part of ourselves. Therefore, it is so difficult to notice a contradiction in them.

Rationalization

• If only he kept his promise, I wouldn't be angry with him.
• If only I had a more empathetic and emotionally stable partner, I would be happy with the relationship.
• If only I had more time, I would try myself in what I have long dreamed of.

We often justify inaction with such phrases. But with this approach, decisions are not based on your real beliefs, but on false premises.

Projection

• You never listen to me, you don't give a damn about our relationship.
• You have too many ambitions to start a family.
• You spend too much time with your friends to value relationships with other people.

This is how the brain makes us believe in an alternate reality. He is constantly looking for an opportunity to shift the blame onto others and does not allow us to see that the problem is in us.

How to resist self-deception

1. Stop

As soon as some emotion takes possession of you (shame, guilt, thirst for revenge) - slow down. If you generalize something too much, slow down. As soon as you notice a discrepancy between your values and your actions, slow down. Take a deep breath and break this train of thought.

2. Analyze your behavior

If you react harshly to certain situations, think about what it says. Admit your own flaws and weaknesses. Then you will understand what choice you have.

3. Face Your Fears

Perhaps you were avoiding something or were afraid to test yourself for strength. It's time to get up the courage and face problems. After that, you will become much more confident in yourself.

4. Accept reality

Be prepared to accept things as they are, not as you want them to be. For example, you write, but your stories are not engaging your audience. They may not really be good enough to resonate with readers.

We cannot assess ourselves objectively. Find someone you trust and ask them to tell you the bitter truth. Even then, your brain will try to smooth out the facts you don't like.

Accept reality completely and completely. It hurts, but it's necessary. And it will definitely pay off in the future.