How to help your child adapt to school

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The first of September for many children becomes a holiday with tears in their eyes in the literal sense of the word. The reason is not laziness or unwillingness to learn, as their parents often assume. The life hacker has prepared an article that explains what the matter is, and gives some useful tips for solving this, without irony, complex problem.

For parents, the approach of the new school year is a continuous fever and running around in search of uniforms, textbooks and other necessary things. In fact, the main thing a child needs is emotional support. Whether your kid returns to school after vacation or goes to school for the first time, upcoming events may cause him understandable anxiety. Most children are anxiously waiting for September 1st, but some suffer from severe emotional distress. It is called separation anxiety.

“It's okay for some kids to have difficulties with their first day of school - it's still a new experience, but if the condition lasts for several days, then something needs to be done,” explains pediatrician Annette Mont. - Children are by nature curious, finding themselves in a new situation, they strive to study it. A child who clings to his mother definitely has a problem, and often it’s a matter of the parents.”

Too much love

If the prospect of going to school makes your little one cry and hysterical, if he looks sad or even sick, the fear of separation is to blame, and you may be the root of the problem, as well as the key to solving it.

Separation anxiety is defined as an unhealthy, debilitating attachment between parent and child that deprives the child of the ability to act independently in the absence of a father or mother. This also works in the opposite direction: the parent also suffers from the oppressive inability to part with his child.

Montessori School Principal Sheila Linville has witnessed the fear of separation on more than one occasion and remembers a time when Mom was both the source and the solution to the problem.

“Every morning I met the kids who came to school,” says Linville. - Among them was the three-year-old Jessica, every goodbye to her mother ended in tears. It all started with the mother: she was crying, and after her the baby began to whimper. A few days later, I asked Jessica why she was crying. She replied, “Miss Linville, I'm doing this because my mom is crying. This is how it is supposed that mothers and children cry when they go to school. " I explained to my mother that Jessica was trying to live up to her expectations in this way. It was difficult for the woman to accept this fact, but in the end she realized that she was involuntarily making the child behave in this way. The next morning, everything was completely different: a happy mother waved her hand to her daughter, and she ran to her classmates with a smile. And no more handkerchiefs!"

Parents are often surprised that the fear of separation can overtake at any point in the school year, even if it all started pretty smoothly. Often this is the result of a break in the usual course of business, for example, after vacations and holidays, or when the child was sick for several days and sat at home surrounded by mother's care. Some children experience these experiences at the end of the school year, because they are sad that they will not see their friends for a long time.

Over the years, Annette Mont has found out that parents unwittingly contribute to the fear of separation, considering the child to be an extension of themselves.

There are parents who do a great job with everything until the child comes out of infancy, because at this time he is very dependent on them. When the baby begins to independently explore the world, fathers and mothers have serious difficulties in recognizing that their child no longer belongs to them.

Prepare in advance

The start of the school year is an emotional experience that requires a more thoughtful approach than simply planning to move from home to school and back. Don't wait until the evening of August 31st to help your child get used to it or address their concerns. Preparing for school is a lengthy process that requires attention and energy. Mont advises parents to teach their children to spend time separately with the help of role-playing games: “First leave the child alone for half an hour, then for an hour, and so on. If he knows that his mother will definitely come for him, everything will be all right. To find out what your child thinks about going to school, Mont offers again a role-playing game.

Play as a teacher and ask your child what he thinks awaits him at school. Then switch roles and let your toddler take the lead. So you can find out his thoughts and correct possible errors.

Ask your child to draw a school day as he imagines it. Play school - with homework, textbooks and supplies.

Children in their behavior are often guided by the emotions of their parents, so it is important for you to demonstrate in every possible way the joy of the upcoming trip to school. A nervous parent unconsciously conveys his feelings to the child, thereby coloring everything that is associated with the upcoming changes in negative tones. “The best advice I can give to families is to enthusiastically prepare your child for school. Even if the upcoming event makes you worry, reassure your little one that he will love everything, and new friends will fully share his feelings, explains Linville. "Convince your child that there is nothing wrong with being separated from you."

Acquaintance with the school

A trial day will help to acquaint the child with the place where he will spend many years, to ease his worries and to captivate with the idea of studying. Visit the classroom, meet with the teachers and learn their names, find out where the restrooms and the cafeteria are.

Establishing a relationship with a teacher helps your child understand that they have someone in school to rely on. For parents, such an acquaintance helps to get rid of a fair amount of worries. If they like the teacher, these positive feelings are often reflected in the student-teacher relationship.

Arrange a children's party with the parents of future classmates, go with your son or daughter for a school uniform and all the necessary little things, in a word, turn the beginning of the school year into a real event. Reassure your child that he will be fine without you, and school is fun.

If on the first day of school the kid is still worried and does not want to part with you, Annette Mont advises you to give him a family photo or something with your scent, and put a note with warm words in the lunch box. The child will feel that you are near, and this will calm him down.

Smile goodbye and reassure your first grader. There is no need to arrange a long farewell: he feels your nervousness and, even if he calmed down, he may start crying. Despite all your love, it is worth being firm on this issue.

If your child finds it difficult to part with you, say that you love him, but leave as soon as the teacher takes him to class.

A positive start to the day also plays an important role in shaping the right attitude towards learning. It is necessary to establish a routine that will not become a source of stress for either the parent or the child. “Have some quiet music playing in your car on the way to school, turn off your phone and fully focus on your child,” advises Sheila Linville.

If your child doesn't like school or is having trouble staying away from you, don't overreact. Encourage him by saying that he will be fine at school. Do not press on him, forcing him to make friends with classmates as soon as possible, but rather ask what was interesting today.

Never cry for anything when you see your child off. Even if he is looking forward to the next school day, your reaction will turn it into a negative experience.

The teacher has a significant impact on the ease of transition to school life. Teachers can create a warm and friendly environment for children through dating games, singing together, or reading school stories. Games help build friendships and a sense of community. Regardless of whether the child is going to kindergarten or elementary school, on the first day of school, it is necessary to pay great attention to the importance of the development of the child's personality in the circle of classmates.

Education without fear

One of the topical problems of upbringing is maintaining a balance between child protection and overprotection. It's hard to ignore the headlines about kidnapping, of course, but parents who pay too much attention to it broadcast their concerns to their children. Moms and dads sometimes behave in such a way that the child gets the impression that only next to them he can be safe. Reasonable parenting is caring without forming the child's confidence that without you he will certainly end up in some kind of dangerous situation. For example, if you are worried that your child is going to spend the night away from home, invite him to invite friends over to spend the night, rather than repeating incessantly that you will not be able to sleep from anxiety.

The constant broadcast of fear ultimately has a bad effect on the development of children. The child may suffer from depression or all sorts of phobias, classmates may tease him with a crybaby or a mama's boy.

It is important to provide all the conditions for the child to develop with a sense of independence and self-sufficiency. Give him more decision-making power. Parents who do not do this are telling their children that they are not capable of anything.

For yesterday's kindergarteners, the first day at school is a reason for pride, because now they have become very big. Older students are just happy to meet old friends. Excitement these days is, in general, a normal state. If you make sure that your child understands the need to attend school, talk to him about his feelings and experiences and introduce him to new teachers and classmates, all worries will soon disappear.

Memo for parents of first graders

It is forbidden:

• Maintain the child's excitement.
• Talk to the teacher about how the child is feeling.
• Insist that it's time to make friends.
• Get hung up on negative feelings and react inadequately to them.
• Cry, seeing off the child.
• Stand for a long time under the classroom window.

Can:

• Smile and cheer up your child as you walk him to school.
• Leave if the teacher calls the children into class.
• Put notes with words of love in a lunchbox.
• Encourage play with classmates.
• Establish a calm and joyful daily routine.

Elements of preparation for school:

• Role-playing games.
• Reading books about school.
• Trial day and meeting with the teacher.
• Joint shopping trip for school supplies.
• A holiday for classmates.
• Raising independence in a child.