How to prevent the fear of responsibility from ruining your life

This fear even has its own name - hypengiophobia. Imagine that you have been confessed to love or offered a promotion. It would seem that these are joyful events. But if the first thought that comes to your mind is to run away, if new responsibilities, moving to a separate apartment or simply trusting relationships with other people terrify you, perhaps the diagnosis of "hypengiophobe" is just for you.

Why are we afraid of responsibility

The fear of responsibility is associated with a deep-rooted sense of uncertainty about one's own capabilities. The problem is not only the fear of specific commitments. Often, a person simply does not consider himself capable, by taking on these obligations, to achieve positive results and not to fail.

Olga Bezborodova practicing psychologist, systems therapist, specialist of the Center for Consulting and System Solutions

The fear of responsibility grows from low self-esteem, lack of confidence in their abilities, doubts about their capabilities. Which, in turn, may arise due to a lack of experience in decision-making.

Hypengiophobia is also associated with an inability or unwillingness to act in the face of uncertainty. Our life is unpredictable, but many are still trying to maintain complete control over what happens to them. Imagine a situation when all this uncertainty falls on such a person and he suddenly realizes that the only way out is to adapt to changing circumstances.

How to get rid of the fear of responsibility

1. Find the root of your fear

Most people assess their fears rather superficially. They notice only the most obvious reasons for them (for example, the same low self-esteem). Instead, look deeper and find out what is at the heart of every fear you suffer. Understand how your fear was formed and what triggers it.

As with most other fears, a fear of responsibility can develop as a result of severe psychological trauma. Perhaps once you decided to take a responsible step and this entailed sad consequences. Or, when you were a child, your parents limited your freedom to make decisions and did everything for you, explaining that you were not able to cope on your own.

Here is what Olga Bezborodova says about this: “The reason may be in the shortcomings of the upbringing system, the influence of parental prohibitions, which can lead to the formation of an adult already thinking that he is not worthy to make decisions, is not able to take a responsible position, that he will not cope.

Will knowing the root cause of your fear alone help you deal with it? Unlikely. But this is an important and indispensable first step towards freedom from it.

2. Think back to times when you took responsibility and it ended well

For example, at work, you agreed to take on additional responsibilities, although you were not confident in your abilities. In the end, you yourself were surprised how well you handled them.

Ask yourself the following questions.

What made you take responsibility (even though you were scared)?
What circumstances have influenced you?
How did it feel when you succeeded in doing what you set out to do?

Think back to times when you have been successful to figure out how to connect with a decisive part of yourself. Start deliberately using this part when the need arises. Over time, it will become easier for you to take responsibility.

3. Make a big decision every day

The only way to get out of your comfort zone is to make regular small “forays” out of it. Start small. Your first steps should be simple enough not to be gripped by fear, but challenging enough to be tempted to avoid making decisions. What it will be - decide for yourself.

Rate actions that involve taking responsibility on your own fear scale and start with one.

Gradually set yourself more challenging tasks. For example, decide to have an unpleasant conversation in which you have to express your point of view or apologize for your mistakes. It will take a little time, and you will not be so scared to cope with difficult life situations. You will be confident in your ability to choose the right course of action.

4. Don't take on too much

Don't try to put the whole world on your shoulders.

Paul McCartney

It may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes the fear of responsibility is associated with over-responsibility. Sometimes we inflate the slightest commitments that can fall on our shoulders so much that they really seem overwhelming. And at the same time, we completely forget about the joy these obligations will bring us.

Yes, if you decide to have a cat, you will have to feed him, comb his fur, clean up after him and sometimes walk around scratched. But you don't have to completely rebuild your life to care for your pet. Very soon you will get used to it, and caring for it will take you very little time. But you will get a wonderful furry friend with whom it will be more fun.

Of course, you should not rush to extremes. Realize that there is responsibility, but do not inflate it to universal proportions. And remember the pros: there are often more of them.

5. Assume that the problem may be in something else

Sometimes responsibility scares us because it is associated with a certain person. As you analyze your behavior, ask yourself if you are afraid to take on a particular case or if you are repulsed by someone involved in this case.

Very often, when a person is afraid of getting married, having children, or moving in with their significant other, the problem does not necessarily lie in the fear of responsibility. Maybe it's your partner. Every time there are any questions related to this person, you will backtrack. In this case, the problem should be looked for in the relationship.

Finally

We all have a fear of responsibility sometimes. This is fine. The main thing is that it does not interfere with you moving forward. Fortunately or unfortunately, all the good things in our life involve taking responsibility. Where there are nice goodies, there are obligations (not always unpleasant).

Find out the root cause of your fear, remember how you managed to cope with it, and start the war with small battles. Focus on the positives and it will be easier for you to make the right decision.

And if everything suits you, you don't have to work on your fear. But then you wouldn't be reading this article, would you?