How to win over your interlocutor: 12 rules for a good conversation

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The ability to negotiate is useful not only for those in leadership positions. A well-structured conversation can help in a variety of areas. But the main thing in this art is not the words that you will speak, but how you will behave. In this article, 12 tips on how to conduct a conversation to immediately win over the interlocutor.

Step 1. Relax

Tension breeds irritability, and irritability is the main enemy of productive conversation. Research shows that just one minute of relaxation increases brain activity, which is essential for conversation and quick decision-making.

Before starting a conversation, do the following:

1. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how tense you are (1 is completely relaxed, 10 is you are like a taut string). Write this number down.

2. For 1, 5 minutes, breathe slowly: inhale for 5 counts, exhale for 5 counts.

3. Now yawn a couple of times and notice if you are relaxed? Rate the degree of your relaxation on a 10-point scale. Write down the result.

4. Now you need to stretch the muscles of the body. Start with your face: wrinkle and tense all the muscles in your face, and then straighten and relax them. Gently tilt your head from side to side and back and forth. Roll your shoulders. Stretch your arms and legs, count to 10, relax and shake them.

5. Take a few deep breaths. Has your condition improved?

Step 2: focus on the present moment

When you relax, you are focused on the present moment, not paying attention to what is happening around. The same should be done during the conversation. Turn on your intuition and you will be able to hear all the shades of the speaker's speech, which will convey the emotional meaning of his words, and you will be able to understand at what point the conversation will turn off the path you need.

Step 3. Be silent more often

Learning to remain silent will help you pay more attention to what other people are saying. To develop this skill, try the Bell exercise. On the website, follow the link, click "Ring the bell" and listen carefully to the sound until it dies down. Do this several times. This will help you learn to focus and remain silent when you are listening to someone.

Step 4. Be positive

Listen to your mood. Are you tired or cheerful, calm or anxious? Ask yourself: Am I optimistic about this conversation? If you have doubts or concerns, it is better to postpone the conversation. If this is not possible, then mentally start it, rehearse, this will help you find words and arguments that will help you achieve your goal.

Step 5. Think about the intent of the interlocutor

For a conversation to be honest and balanced, everyone must be open to it and be clear about their values, intentions and goals. If your intentions do not align with the intentions of the person with whom you are trying to do business, problems are inevitable. Try to find out in advance what your interlocutor would like to get out of the deal. But be careful, your interlocutor may carefully hide their goals and say what you want to hear.

Step 6. Before the conversation, think about something pleasant

You need to conduct a conversation with an expression of kindness, understanding and interest on your face. But if you don't actually have those feelings, fake emotions will look terrible. There is a little secret: before the conversation, think about something pleasant, remember the people you love and respect. These thoughts will give your gaze softness, cause a slight half-smile, and such an expression will subconsciously cause your interlocutor to trust you.

Step 7. Watch for non-verbal cues

Look at the person you are talking to all the time. Stay focused and try not to be distracted by extraneous thoughts. If the interlocutor does not say something or wants to deceive you, he, of course, will carefully hide it, but for a split second he may forget himself and give himself away with an expression on his face or with a gesture. Of course, you can only find out that he is deceiving you, but, unfortunately, you will not be able to find out about the reason for the deception.

Step 8. Be a gracious conversationalist

Start the conversation with a compliment that sets her in a friendly tone, and end with a compliment expressing your appreciation for the conversation. Of course, compliments shouldn't sound like sheer flattery. So ask yourself the question: what do I really value in this person?

Step 9. Add warmth to the voice

Try to speak in a lower voice. The interlocutor will react to such a voice with great confidence. When we are angry, when we are excited or frightened, our voice involuntarily sounds higher and sharper, its volume and rate of speech constantly change. Therefore, a low voice will signal the interlocutor about your calmness and confidence of the leader.

Step 10 Speak slower

Slightly slowed down helps people understand you better without straining to catch every word, it gives them respect for you. It is not so easy to learn to speak slowly, because from the very childhood many of us gabble. But you have to try, because slow speech calms the interlocutor, while fast speech causes irritation.

Step 11. Brevity is the sister of talent

Break your speech into chunks of 30 seconds or less. You don't have to build incredible sentences. Our brain is able to absorb information well only in micro-portions. Say a sentence or two, then pause to make sure the person understands you. If he is silent and does not ask questions, you can continue, one or two more sentences and a pause.

Step 12 listen carefully

Focus your attention on the interlocutor, everything is important to you: his words, their emotional coloring, his gestures and facial expressions. When he pauses, react to what he said. Do not forget to listen to your intuition during the conversation.

And one last tip: engage in meditation, which strengthens the nervous system and helps to relax, this practice will come in handy during boring conversations.