12 rules of civilized conversation

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Good form rules that come in handy in any conversation.

All of the following, back in 1692, was written to his children by the influential English lawyer Matthew Hale. Today his words are more relevant than ever.

1. Don't lie

Lying is a great crime against humanity. A society without truth is an unsafe society. Lying harms the speaker: it not only shames him, but is also addictive, which makes it harder for a person to tell the truth even when he wants to. Over time, the speaker himself does not know when he is lying.

2. Don't talk about what you don't understand

Stay away from situations where lies might come out of your mouth by accident. Do not assert what you are not sure about. Warn if what you are talking about is just a guess or opinion.

3. Be lucid

Do not interfere in vain. It is better to say little, without depriving yourself of the opportunity to listen to others and absorb their knowledge, wisdom and experience.

4. Be discreet

Do not scream during a heated argument, control yourself. Silence your opponent not with noise, but with common sense.

5. Don't interrupt

Never interrupt the person when they are speaking. Listen to him. This will help you understand him better and be able to give a more coherent answer.

6. Weigh your words

If you haven't thought about it at first, keep quiet. Weigh the meaning of what you want to say, and decide on the expression with which you want to say it. Reckless people don't think until they start talking. Or they think, but after they say.

7. Observe the flaws of unpleasant people

If you're in the company of vain and cocky people, pay attention to their flaws and be careful. This way you can avoid their mistakes both in conversation and in behavior in general.

8. Don't praise yourself

Don't brag or judge yourself. If only your language can praise you, then this is a sign that your reputation is low and is rapidly declining.

9. Don't talk bad about absentees

If someone from your social circle is not around, then try to say only good things about him at every opportunity. Never speak ill of someone if they don't deserve it. The only exception can be situations in which such conversations can help a person become better or protect others.

10. Don't joke about flaws

Don't scoff or ridicule a person's natural flaws. This behavior leaves a very bad impression.

11. Be careful with negative language

Try not to reproach, threaten, or speak evil words in anyone's direction. If you had to point out a mistake, try to do it without reproach so that the person does not feel unpleasant. Otherwise, the reproach will not help you in any way, but will only upset the person and, possibly, turn him against you.

12. Don't be angry

If a person is ardent and says not the most pleasant words in your address, then it is better to have pity on him, and do not fall into a rage. Silence or a very polite response is the best response to this behavior. They will either soften the culprit of the hype and make him repent, or they will become a punishment for him. In any case, politeness and equanimity will keep your nerves, and also create you a reputation as a wise and reserved person.