2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44
James Victor is an author, designer, filmmaker and director of an independent design school. He also teaches and does impromptu research on student shyness every semester by simply asking them who thinks they are shy. Every time at least three quarters of the students raise their hands … albeit only at shoulder level, not higher. But is this phenomenon characteristic only of students studying fine arts? What about other professions - accountants, engineers, managers - do they suffer from this? Are we all shy?
Communication Psychology: Shyness is not a genetic factor. There is no such gene responsible for shyness. This is what is formed within us under the influence of the environment, family, good or bad moments in life. Here is a simple example from the life of James, which I personally and probably many of you are painfully familiar with:
“As a child, I was very shy. I don't believe I was born that way. But I was always introduced something like this: “And this is our baby. He's a little shy. " And I began to feel shy! It became a habit. An authoritative person for me said that I was shy, and I began to live with it, as if I had always been like that."
Unfortunately, as an adult, you realize that this habit gets in the way. Finding yourself in an unfamiliar public place or in front of the camera, you have to pretend to be someone else - as if you are comfortable and calm. Years of practice can help numb fear, but every time you find yourself in a situation like this, you need to show courage to overcome your shyness.
It turns out that shyness is a common habit, not a personality traitgiven from birth. Likewise, confidence is one of those ambiguous traits like willpower or intuition that can be developed and trained like muscles. But, like any physical exercise, it is hard and requires constant work. And, more importantly, constant awareness.
It means being, as they say, here and now, remembering your main goal, and not being distracted by extraneous thoughts or digging in your head. Don't listen to a formidable critic within yourself or imagine what others think of you, judge them, or try to predict their reactions. Just move forward and do it confidently!
The life of many is fraught with an almost daily struggle with shyness. All this time, each time you have to take a big step out of your own comfort zone. This is accompanied by tedious experiences, constant anxiety, and a sense of deep self-doubt. The inner critic begins to repeat: "I am too stupid, ugly, young … Nothing will work … Everyone will laugh, or they won't even look …"
Why do we find ourselves immersed in such deep thoughts? What could be so bad with us? We are simply afraid of failure. Most fear failure so much that they prefer not to risk it. Worse, risk becomes something you try to avoid at all costs. This is how a habit is formed. We deprive ourselves of the opportunity to stop distancing ourselves from people so that they can contact us and react to our actions.
The fear of rejection is normal. Everyone has periods of self-doubt: some have seconds, some have a longer period. Fear is a test: it means that you must pay close attention to something, gather your will into a fist and not get confused.
Doubt comes not only from the inner critic, but also from the outside: from friends, family and "well-wishers" who try in every possible way to protect you from danger and leave you in your (or their own) comfort zone. Trust yourself, face your own fear, do not fall for the public call to "be like everyone else."
Your pursuit of confidence encourages others to fight their fears. Your freedom from fears is a reminder to them of THEIR imaginary restraint and of the limitations that they set for themselves. However, your confidence will be a beacon to others. People are so arranged: they follow the brave, strong and self-confident. A confident person is a very powerful motivator for others.
The point is not to create an armor for yourself in the form of an alternative Super-Ego or to awaken an indomitable inner spirit in yourself … It is important to be on the alert and not let fear rule your life. So that you can perceive yourself as you are, calmly endure fear and doubt. Confidence does not live under the power of fear and doubt, but perceives them as an integral part of life.
Confidence gives you the courage and freedom to go forward, ask for help, demand more and what you deserve. And most importantly, a self-confident person calmly tolerates failure if it happens.
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