"People don't change": what is wrong with this stereotype and how to become different after all

Why it is a mistake to consider a personality type unchanged

We used to ask: "Are you an extrovert or an introvert?", "Are you choleric or sanguine?", "Do you prefer white or red?" - as if these labels define personality forever. But recent research refutes this.

In 1947, educators rated 1,200 adolescents aged 14 years on six characteristics: self-confidence, persistence, mood stability, conscientiousness, originality, and a desire to learn. After 63 years, half of the participants were tested again. Scientists asked everyone to evaluate themselves independently according to the same criteria and get an assessment from someone close to them. As a result, there were almost no coincidences with the original characteristics.

According to Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, after 10 years a person becomes different. During his research, Gilbert asked people how much their interests, aspirations, and values have changed over the previous decade. The participants noted significant differences. Then he asked how much they thought their interests, aspirations and values would change in the next 10 years. Most assumed it was irrelevant.

It seems to us that we will remain as we are now. But the same Gilbert said: "Every person is an unfinished project, which mistakenly considers itself to be completed." This is the problem.

How the thought of an unchanging personality gets in the way

First, because of it, we tend to form opinions of others based on their past. For example, getting acquainted with a person whom we are thinking of hiring, we ask about his previous experience, study his achievements, ask other people about him. We take it for granted that his previous actions will tell us how he will behave in the future.

Undoubtedly, past actions can tell something about a person and it is worth learning about them. But it is better to evaluate the current attitudes or approaches to solving hypothetical situations. If you want to know about a candidate's experience, ask what and why he did in the most difficult situation and what he would do now if he had the opportunity. This will help to understand how flexible a person's thinking is, what caused his choice then and now.

And this applies not only to job candidates, but to all people in general. Try to judge them by how they think and behave in the present, rather than sometime before.

Secondly, because of the belief that personality is constant, we do not believe that we ourselves can and will change. This means that we guarantee ourselves that bad habits, addictions and unhealthy reactions will remain with us in the future.

How to change any part of yourself

Motivational Speaker Tony Robbins believes (and I agree) that breaking any deeply ingrained habit requires three conditions:

Desperate desire to get rid of her.
A traumatic or critical event that signals that you have a responsibility to change. This can be anything: your child’s worries that you’ll die early because of smoking, or the doctor’s words that you must change your diet to avoid another heart attack.
The ability to replace one habit with another.

I tested this theory for myself. For over 20 years I have been addicted to Diet Coke. At my peak, I couldn't do without six (at least) cans a day. I made a heroic effort and once lasted a full six months until a lot of stress made me break loose.

Later, I began to notice that I often get sick after flights and lack of sleep, easily catch a cold, and started taking a dietary supplement to increase immunity. I have been warned that it can cause a rash in response to poor diet or alcohol. I felt that this did not apply to me. A week later, when I was due to give a speech at a conference, I woke up covered in a rash. And I realized that it was caused by cola chemistry, because otherwise I ate well. After this incident, it became disgusting for me to even think about drinking something so harmful to the body again.

That was three years ago. I replaced the old habit by drinking several bottles of kombucha a day. And I'll never touch Diet Coke again.

Decide now who you will be tomorrow

Everyone is able to change their beliefs and personality traits with regular effort. You may have always been shy, but at one point you realized that this was preventing you from achieving something very important. Or they lived aimlessly until chance pointed out the need for change.

It is possible. Find something that will push you to transform, choose a substitute habit or desired personality trait, and get started. Most importantly, do not take old attitudes or traits as an integral part of yourself.