How to prevent romantic clichés from ruining your love life

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

To defeat the enemy, you need to know him by sight.

Why we are attracted by romantic clichés

A person is not born with a built-in understanding of how good, strong relationships should develop. It is formed in the process of life. We draw a significant part of the behavioral patterns from the family, and another part from literature, films and TV series.

We try on romantic cliches on ourselves, but books and films have little to do with life. The history of simple and happy relationships in them would look boring. Two people met, fell in love and lived for many years without breaking dishes, but with conversations and compromises - it doesn't sound very exciting. Therefore, the plot is overgrown with conflicts, grand gestures and many other things.

While we are studying relationships on melodramas and trying to cram our love into the narrow frames of romantic clichés, we risk ruining our personal life.

What stereotypes have a detrimental effect on relationships

Responsibility for happiness is in the hands of fate

The notorious myth of the second half continues to be mercilessly exploited. According to him, somewhere on earth there is a person who was created for you, and you will immediately recognize him. At the same time, his personal qualities are not so important - what difference does it make if fate so ordered.

In the film "Intuition" the main characters met and spent the evening together. They were in relationships with other people, so they decided to leave forever. But before that, they wrote their phones: she is on the cover of a random book in a store, he is on a bill. Naturally, after a year, both carriers reach the addressees. And the characters drop everything and reunite.

It sounds romantic, because fate itself is on the side of our heroes. But with life it is poorly mounted. They are still two strangers who had a good evening. And fate is a very ephemeral concept. People tend to interpret signs at their own discretion, in the way that suits them. Therefore, it is useless to shift responsibility for your life to higher powers. By the way, the fact that the heroes of Intuition are ready to leave their current lovers just like that speaks more about their feelings for their current partners than for each other.

Relationships without difficulty are of less value

True love is one in which a couple has experienced many trials. People quarreled, parted, faced obstacles, diseases and natural disasters. But the lovers went through a series of suffering, sacrifice and hardship and still remained together. It seems that these are real feelings, because fire blazes in them.

It happens that people driven by this stereotype start creating problems from scratch to add spice. But this is optional. If you are all right and happy, this is a pretty good relationship.

The strength of emotions is more important than their quality

The strong feelings of the characters make the audience more thrill when watching the movie. But if they're incredibly happy all the time, it's boring. Therefore, the characters are rolled on an emotional swing. So they fiercely scandal and part forever, but they squeeze each other in their arms and swear in eternal love. Their feelings are constantly at extreme points - negative or positive. It looks spectacular. But there is a nuance.

Emotional swing is one of the manipulative techniques. Its essence is the alternation of a good attitude and alienation.

The more the swing swing, the happier the “visitor of the attraction” feels when everything is getting better.

One gets the impression that nothing else can bring such joy. And all because of the contrast: compared to a complete decline, happiness is felt more sharply than when you transition from a neutral state.

Even if the partner is not a manipulator and does not specifically swing an emotional swing, but just goes out like that, the situation is not very healthy. You only remember moments of acute happiness and you forget periods of deep grief. And there are at least the same number, and they occur with the same intensity.

What other options are there? Consistently good relationship. Of course, life is never cloudless. You will sometimes quarrel with any partner, and sooner or later circumstances will test your love for strength. But the presence of constant drama in it is not at all an obligatory aspect.

Opposites attract

Again, we come back to the fact that the script engine is conflict. It is not so easy to create it from scratch. Therefore, the heroes belong to warring clans, different social strata, confessions, parties and have irreconcilable differences. But love will help them close their eyes to differences and overcome everything.

In life, everything is much more complicated, and the commonality of views really matters a lot. That is why it is more likely that disagreements will kill love than feelings will help to overcome them. For example, what compromise can a scientific person and an anti-vaccine make when it comes to child health? That's it.

A loved one must be achieved

In a healthy relationship, “no” means “no” - without ambiguous interpretations. In films, stalking is often fully justified by love. Does the subject of interest ignore all courtesies? Great, so we need to find out where he works and lives. Send him gifts to the office and meet his mom. And do not lag behind in any case, because you have to fight for love.

If your partner ends the relationship and leaves, you don't need to take it seriously. Go to the airport and try to stop it! Show up to his wedding and ruin it! Can he, a fool, know what he wants and how it will be best for him?

In reality, of course, you shouldn't do that. The first is persecution. In Russia, alas, it is not punishable by law, but stalking is still not worth romanticizing. Secondly, you deserve a relationship in which the person will be in love and involved in communication no less than you.

Broad gestures will atone for any fault

Expensive gifts, serenades under the window, recognition from the stage to a huge audience - all this in the films is presented as a healing plantain. Whatever you are guilty of, a big gesture will save the relationship. Such actions become a kind of indulgence, which gives the right to violate agreements, because then everything is so easy to fix. Moreover, the relationship "offense - a broad gesture" is being formed. And now any gift will cause joy and bitterness at the same time, because somewhere there is a catch.

There is, of course, an alternative: not to violate the agreement. And if this happened, then discuss what happened and decide what to do next. Obviously better than just dusting under the donated rug.

Lovers understand each other without words

Heroes of romantic films are endowed with special telepathic abilities. They know exactly what their soul mate wants. For example, if the hero decides to surprise the heroine and suddenly jumps into the window of her room, then the girl is wearing makeup, combed and doing something decent. Characters always guess what the other wants right now, and this is one of the most harmful stereotypes.

The script was not applied to life. But some still manage to be offended that the partner does not know how to read their minds. And that's pretty silly. It is still worth putting your desires and discontent into words. Now, if then the partner ignores them, perhaps there really are problems.

Sex with a loved one is always amazing

Wherever and whenever the lovers meet, their sex is incredible, and they experience an orgasm at the same time. No one ever gets tired and is always ready to go to bed. No one has a numb leg or itchy nose at the most crucial moment.

Here statistics are against. Only 25% of women regularly experience orgasm during intercourse. And men periodically imitate him. Not to mention the fact that sometimes people get tired, their libido decreases due to illness or stress.

Therefore, it is much more important that the sex life suits both partners, and does not correspond to romantic stereotypes.

A person can be changed by love

This is a common scenario both in films and in life, only with a different ending. A person meets someone who is not suitable and tries to change him. The task is not easy, so the hero has to endure, sacrifice and suffer. But then he receives a prize in the form of an ideal partner, whom he transformed with the power of his feelings.

Rescue by love is a failed strategy. A person changes when he himself wants it. No threats, no blackmail, no wedding and children, no great sacrifice will help. Instead of cinematic relationships, you get codependents. And they are better avoided than trying to fix them.

Love never ends

This line from the first letter of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians is often heard at movie weddings. The statement is reflected in the plots. Noah and Ellie are reunited in The Notebook after 10 years of separation. Melanie and Jake followed a similar path in Stylish Thing. In general, this is a common cliche, so the list is endless. And if this is the case, is it worth ending the relationship, even if they are not encouraging? After all, sooner or later you will return to each other. For example, in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" even amnesia did not help the heroes to part.

Research suggests that second marriages are often happier than first marriages. This is due, among other things, to the fact that people approach them with real expectations.

Of course, this does not mean that it is necessary to throw the first partner if he is great. But if you do not work out, it is worth remembering that after the first love there is also life - and happy.