Top 9 Reasons for Breakups After Long Relationships

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Nothing boded trouble, and suddenly a beautiful couple broke up. No, this does not happen. There are always warning signs of problems, but we are too busy or too lazy to notice them. Learn to feel when something is going wrong and understand exactly what is happening.

1. Loss of trust

The initial absence or loss of trust leads to the fact that the foundation of the relationship is crumbling: feelings of security and reliability go away.

Trust destroys jealousy (justified or unreasonable), or the realization that a partner is not keeping his promises, or both, mixed in a cool cocktail of suspicion and resentment.

Mistrust entails the painful existence of a couple: reproaches, interrogations, a disgusting feeling that you are constantly being deceived, a feeling of guilt, restriction of the partner's freedom, which can damage his career and social interaction.

2. Different goals in life

You understand that it is impossible to run in one team for a long time if you are pulled in different directions. If the goals in life of partners do not intersect or touch in any way, they will not be able to build long-term relationships.

Sometimes the relationship even prevents one of the partners from moving towards their goals and living the way they want.

3. Violence

Thoughts of physical or sexual abuse come to mind. But, besides this, there is emotional violence, the injuries from which heal much longer and more difficult than bruises on the body.

Signs of emotional abuse:

• Attempts to completely control the partner.
• Verbal humiliation: insults, unfounded and constant criticism, derogatory words.
• Demonstration of strength and power in order to create fear in the partner.
• Excessive jealousy, and not only for people, but also for work, goals, hobbies.
• The expectation that the partner will serve and fulfill all wishes.
• Partner manipulation.
• Depriving a partner of the right to vote in making common decisions.
• Attempts to isolate a partner from relatives, friends, in general from life outside the relationship.

When we talk about violence, it seems that the role of evil should be played by a man. However, this is naturally not the case. Women do not often demonstrate physical violence, although it sometimes takes place, but they can show themselves in all colors in psychological violence.

4. Deceived expectations

We are happy when everything happens as we imagined, or better. And we are unhappy when reality turns out to be worse than expectations. Deceived expectations associated with a partner lead to frustration and anger, which pours out on him.

In our head there is an image of a partner, on it he is the way we want to see him. Unfortunately, the loved one has no idea about this picture and is unlikely to want to go out of his way to match it. And if we are to be completely honest, then it does not have to correspond to what you invented for yourself.

However, we do not give up hope all the same to "finish" the partner to the ideal. Hence the constant whining and discontent, criticism of everything that the partner does, ignoring his achievements, which do not fit into the desired picture.

5. Addictions that you can't fight

Those that make life unbearable: alcoholism, gambling and drug addiction. Undoubtedly, when problems are just beginning, the support of a loved one can help to cope with them. But, unfortunately, very often nothing helps until the person himself realizes that he needs to fight.

Let's add here the pathological dependence on a former lover or beloved, the struggle with which will most likely be lost, no matter how much energy and strength you put into it.

6. Withdrawal, boredom, habit

Different goals and communication problems lead to the fact that partners grow apart from each other. They can be held together by fear of loneliness, children, financial dependence. But when there are no deterrent reasons, the couple quickly breaks up.

A classic example is empty nest syndrome. When children grow up and leave their home, parents suddenly feel like strangers, between whom there is nothing in common, because for many years they were focused on children and forgot about communicating with each other.

7. Different speed of development

By the way, this is one of the reasons for the distance: one of the partners develops and changes all the time, the second remains at the same level as when they met. As a result - different interests, worldview, goals, priorities, social circle.

8. Financial problems

Financial problems are not only a lack of money, but also problems with their distribution. For example:

• One of the partners earns more than the other, which makes the second partner feel inadequate and financially dependent.
• The total budget is distributed based on the desires of only one partner.
• One of the partners spends money without consulting the other, which is why then there is not enough funds for general needs.

9. Breaking the connection: emotional or physical

Physical break: partners (or one of them) are not satisfied with their sex life and cannot discuss the accumulated problems and find a solution.

Emotional gap: partners do not know how to communicate, do not know how to empathize and support, do not understand each other. Discontent is growing, which they also cannot explain and discuss. As a result, everyone is looking for support on the side: from friends, relatives, new acquaintances.

Often a person is looking for the missing components of a relationship among members of the opposite sex, which leads to new falls in love and infidelity.

Leo Tolstoy argued that "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way," but we will allow ourselves to argue with the classic. The reasons for the discord in relationships are always the same, only it is not always possible to recognize them behind ordinary quarrels.

The video below shows a typical fight (similar ones probably happened in your couple), but deep problems in the relationship led to it.

Psychologist's comment:

Sooner or later, each couple is faced with a crisis in the relationship, which not everyone can overcome. It is important to understand that external reasons for the breakup, such as the girl's jealousy of the car in the video, or unwashed dishes, or another million ridiculous, at first glance, conflict situations, are just reasons. But they indicate deeper problems in the couple, such as a lack of attention or rapport.

The hero of the video makes the most common mistake: he tries to refute all accusations against him. As a result, the stream of complaints doubles and the usual exchange of mutual reproaches begins.

Psychologists in a similar situation recommend agreeing with the partner's accusations, but try to smooth out the situation and gently explain your point of view. It helps to steer the conversation in a constructive direction.

A quarrel, and even more so parting, is a painful experience for any person. But even this situation has positive aspects. Crises are necessary for reflection, reflection on what is important for you and your partner. If you are faced with insoluble contradictions or your partner's unwillingness to make compromises and dialogue, it may be time to think about a new relationship.

Crisis-free development of relations is impossible, but not all problems lead to rupture. If you understand that you value your current relationship, only one thing will help to avoid separation: the ability to listen to your partner and talk about problems. Dialogue is important. Not an exchange of accusations and phrases in defense of your own interests, but cooperation, patience and a willingness to change something in your life so that you both feel comfortable.

Learn to feel the vibrations in your couple, learn to analyze them and, most importantly, learn to discuss problems, thoughts, feelings, experiences and fears.