"Happily ever after": how fairy stories prevent us from building relationships

Why fabulous stories need to be discussed

Fairy tales are considered a kind of sacred cow. Any criticism from the point of view of modern realities is met with hostility. They say, treat them more simply: these are just fictional stories for entertainment, they do not affect anything. And in this approach, every word is a delusion.

Fairy tales are a reflection of reality

The one in which they were created. What we now perceive as fiction used to be a part of life. For example, when the Brothers Grimm fairy tales about witches were published, the trials of witches in Europe were still going on. Tsars and princesses, heroes and witches appear in Russian fairy tales - so fabulous now, but quite real then.

That is why plots depend on the time at which they are played in the form of a book, cartoon or film, much more than it might seem. Moreover, the same plots perfectly exist in different cultures, but they are overgrown there with national flavor and other specific features. For example, the tale of the Greek woman Rodopis was found on Egyptian papyri. She was kidnapped by pirates, brought to Egypt and sold into slavery. When she was swimming in the river, the bird took her sandal and threw it in front of the pharaoh. He tried on shoes for the girls of the country and found the only one. You don’t think this is an early version of Cinderella. The European version is very different.

Fairy tales have changed many times

In the form in which we are accustomed, fairy tales exist not so long ago and have changed under the influence of religion. For example, in many of them the atrocities of the insidious stepmothers have replaced the rape of the fathers or their attempts. Adultery, incest, cannibalism are common subjects. You probably wouldn't want to read something like that to your children.

Even if you compare Disney cartoons with each other, you can see how the approach to fairy tales changes from year to year. If Snow White (1937) is a classic Grimm story, then Beauty and the Beast (1991) is already full of feminism, for which the 2017 film of the same film studio is criticized. Belle reads books, she herself can decide not to marry Gaston, dreams of adventure. Just remember this before resenting.

The plots that seem classic to us have already been rethought and changed a million times. Nothing prevents you from doing it over and over again.

Fairy tales are not just for fun

These stories have always been a moral compass. They taught social and political lessons, consolidated the norms of behavior characteristic of this time. If you behave like Cinderella, you will get a prince as your husband. And the birds will peck out the eyes of the evil sisters.

Children still perfectly read these patterns of behavior in the form in which they are presented in the fairy world, and then transfer them into adulthood. For example, there have been studies of gender perception. Children from eight to ten years old were first given some introductory data, and then asked to write a fairy tale based on them. If the character showed courage, he was endowed with a male gender, if he was subjected to repression and oppression - female. So there is nothing to be surprised when a man is condemned for not wanting to participate in wars, and women agree to a salary 30% lower.

And, in the end, if the cartoon "Masha and the Bear" can badly influence children, then why can't fairy tales? Is it because of unreality? So a talking bear is also not common.

What fabulous myths get in the way of building relationships

Let's take an example of mostly foreign fairy tales and their various forms - films and cartoons. Not because the domestic ones are somehow bad. It's just that "Cinderella" clearly influenced world culture much more than "Finist - Clear Falcon".

The myth of the soul mate

As in fairy tales

The story of the halves is an old invention. Plato in his Dialogues wrote about four-legged and four-armed people who were divided in two. Now they roam the world and yearn for reunification. And only this can make them truly whole.

Fairy tales are actively exploiting this myth. You will meet him / her and you will understand everything, it will be love forever. The heroes do not need to get to know each other, to recognize each other. The prince from "Cinderella" exchanged a couple of words with his future beloved and did not even remember what she looked like. Otherwise, why all these tricks with shoes. And the hero of "Snow White" just walked by - and past the coffin with the body. Moreover, if the characters lose each other, then they go to feats, just to reunite with the beloved, whom they saw only once.

The mate myth does not only work on young heroes. For example, in all these stories about evil stepmothers, the first wife necessarily appears, with whom there was true love. Well, the evil queen appeared because she was a witch.

Why is that bad

It would seem like a great idea to be introduced into children's minds. Like, you do not exchange for trifles, you wait for true love. And when you met her, you patiently go through fire, water and copper pipes in order to get your “happily ever after” in the finale.

What are the pitfalls? There are so many of them that the Ministry of Emergency Situations would definitely not allow swimming on this beach.

First, in the pursuit of a non-existent ideal, it is easy to miss the person who suits you. Secondly, this myth makes you believe that if the relationship with the supposedly half for some reason ceased, then you missed your chance for a happy life. Third, he makes you endure destructive things for an ephemeral reward at the end of the story. But the end of life is death. Doesn't sound very fun, does it?

What changed

The Monsters on Vacation franchise in the first part also actively took up the myth of the soul mate. There it was called "tink". Seeing that same person, the heroes fell in love with him forever and ever. And one of the plot lines just told that Dracula had been grieving all these years because he had lost his wife, with whom he had "tink". However, already in the third part, the creators carried out "work on the bugs." Most likely, they just wanted to release another episode and raise money. But the situation turned out to be indicative: Dracula fell in love again.

In the film Enchanted, where Disney is engaged in self-parody, Giselle meets the prince and immediately believes that this is her love for life. True, then she goes on a date with him and realizes that they have nothing in common.

The myth that only beauty deserves happiness

Like a fairytale

In fairy tales, only universally beautiful people can find love and happiness. Those that anyone will look at and take his breath away. First of all, this applies to women. But men are no exception, if their appearance is somehow described at all.

If the character is initially unattractive, before the happy ending he will be transformed, like the Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont or “The Scarlet Flower” by Sergei Aksakov: it is useless to be scary to go to a happy future. Moreover, ugliness with a good heart is most often the result of witchcraft.

We can say that successful heroes of fairy tales have an additional set of virtues. But the problem is that they are all attached to their appearance. Cinderella is not just kind and hardworking (did she have a choice?) - she is beautiful. And her sisters are ugly and evil. Exceptions do happen. For example, Snow White's stepmother before her heyday was the loveliest in the world, albeit a villainess. But she's a witch, so that doesn't count.

Why is that bad

It's obvious why. The existing standards of beauty force us to strive for an unattainable ideal. You can get plastic surgery, add eyelashes, lip pricks and look like Angelina Jolie. But you still can't reach Angelina Jolie after retouching. How can you hope for happiness if teenage acne has not yet disappeared from your forehead, and wrinkles have already begun to appear in the corners of your eyes?

Life itself refutes this. If they fell in love only with people with the appearance of supermodels, the population of the Earth would not strive for 8 billion people. Moreover, happiness and love do not have to be earned in any special way, including tuning for the sake of someone (of your own free will - as much as you like).

What changed

Not much, frankly. Characters from cartoons and fairytale movies are attractive, there is no getting away from it. But now the creators are trying to show at least different beauty: there are heroes of different races and nationalities, and this is already expanding the standards.

The "Shrek" cart tried to enter the myth "love only for the beautiful" on a grand scale. Even if the cartoon is not entirely childish, it perfectly demonstrated that appearance is not the most important thing. Shrek is unattractive and at the same time does not even possess the prescribed set of virtues. But still, Fiona falls in love with him. And he doesn't love Fiona for the facade. They change each other internally, but this does not affect their appearance in any way. Moreover, when in the second part they have a chance to become universally beautiful, they refuse it.

Gender myth

Like a fairytale

The prince fights the dragon, the princess waits patiently in the tower. Or sleeping in a tower. Or sleeping in a crystal coffin. In this case, the fairy tale is most often called by the name of the girl. But she basically needs to be nice and patiently endure all the hardships until the prince comes and rescues her.

Why is that bad

Not only because it assigns women a passive role. Everything is so obvious here that there seems to be no point in discussing it again. Let's talk about princes who are not just normal enough to be loved. In any incomprehensible situation, you have to risk your life, although you have no idea what is hidden behind the rosehip bushes. Moreover, both sides have the illusion that love can be earned, especially with something heroic.

But no, partner is not a trophy for you if you try very hard.

And if deeds are demanded of you, when you can do without them, this is an unhealthy situation. Besides, no one is obligated to come and rescue you. Your life is your area of responsibility, after 18 for sure.

What changed

Everything has changed here. Disney princesses became active participants in the events. Lovers go on an adventure together - among them Anna and Kristoff from "Frozen", Rapunzel and Flynn from the cartoon "Rapunzel: Tangled". Princes rescue princesses, but girls are not far behind. They do this not just because they heard beautiful singing or saw a beauty in distress. The characters by this moment are connected by a relationship, they are dear to each other, so the heroism is understandable.

The myth that life is a stage on the path to a wedding

Like a fairytale

Guess the princess by the description: beautiful, kind, compassionate, curious, sings and talks with animals, her mother is dead. Happened? Not likely, because it suits just about any princess. It's even easier with the prince: he exists.

A love story is the main thing that happens to them. And it all ends with it: in the finale, the wedding and the credits.

Why is that bad

Relationships are an important part of life, but not the only one. Especially for a young audience of fairy tales. If these stories are capable of influencing the younger generation, why not use the fairy form to tell about other problems as well.

What changed

The heroines now have mothers and relationships with them. The cartoon "Rapunzel" tells not so much about the love line as about the relationship of the heroine with her mother (not real, but she does not know about it). The girl finds the strength to see clearly and separate from the toxic parent. In "Brave", on the other hand, mother and daughter go through difficult trials together and learn to understand each other. And in Frozen, the relationship between two sisters plays an important role.

It is also important that in modern fairy tales life does not end with a wedding. "Shrek" has released three full-length cartoons, telling about the events after marriage, "Monsters on Vacation" - two. The heroes, if you shake off the fabulous husk, experience and cope with standard life difficulties, such as meeting their parents or having children.