"The stamp in the passport is so-so reason." 6 stories of long-term relationships without marriage

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Some couples do not plan to get married in the future, others turned out to be ready for changes.

1. "Everyone thinks that my name is not married and I am very unhappy"

In general, we have been living as a family for a long time. But I see no reason to underline this officially - I do not want to sign under any circumstances. And my partner wants to.

So far, it saves the day that he is 10 years younger than me and thinks that the wedding will take place later. Yesterday, for example, he said that he would like to arrange a holiday in nature. But at the very beginning of the relationship, I honestly told him: we will never get married. And we will never have children either. I think over time he will understand that he does not need a wedding either. Or he may not understand, but that will be another conversation.

In the meantime, he believes that my refusal is a joke or flirtation. But no, I'm not in the registry office.

I was already officially married. This lasted for three years. And literally everything was terrible: everyday life, relatives, lack of money, coldness on the part of her husband, and so on. Not that I think that this stamp changed anything, although everything was fine with us before the wedding. It just seems to me that if two people are great together, everything is fine with them both with everyday life, and with everything else, then why do they need a stamp. If everything is bad, then even more so - the marriage will not fix it, but will aggravate it.

Although, of course, the society has a different opinion. At every revelry these questions come up. And how many times have I been asked about marriage and children, when I got divorced and started a new relationship! Naturally, everyone thinks that my name is not married and I am very unhappy.

I want to stay in this relationship for a long time, even forever. But I won't go to the registry office anymore. I think that an adult self-sufficient person simply has no arguments in favor of such an act.

2. "Each of us is an inveterate bachelor"

Lucy Eight years in a relationship. The couple lives separately and is not going to change anything.

We have not got married and are not planning to, because we are not planning to live together. And getting married and living separately is more difficult than if you just do not change anything.

During all these years we have been living separately, with the exception of one period of about six months. We wanted to see if it would be more profitable for the two to live together. The expenses turned out to be about the same, so there was no point in moving in.

The fundamental point is that each of us is an inveterate bachelor.

And we don't want to adjust to the other person. My boyfriend thinks it makes sense to get married for the kids. But I don't want children. It seems to me that it makes sense to get married for some kind of legal representation, for example, the right to visit a hospital. But this will be relevant to old age. And, most likely, it will not be beneficial to me.

By the way, I would like a wedding as a holiday - however, without marriage after. But at the same time I was under thirty. So from this point of view, it is too late to change something. This choice is frowned upon by relatives, but taciturn. Most likely, they have already given up on me. Well, men are less pressured in this regard.

Be that as it may, it is unlikely that we will ever get married.

3. "We both don't mind getting married, although we haven't done it yet."

Daria In a relationship for nine years, do not mind getting married.

We discussed the issue of marriage immediately when we started dating. I was 24 years old. I was already married, I have a child, and I did not want to get married. He was also married and has a child. He believed that he was in a hurry with the marriage, was disappointed in all this. So our vision coincided. The only thing that I later regretted: in the conversation I did not immediately notice that in the future, I might change my mind. People do change with age. I hoped he understood that.

And in the future my desires changed, and I wanted to get married. Firstly, I want a child, and it is better to be married here: from a legal point of view, it is more profitable. In general, there are many legal issues: common property, admission to intensive care, and so on. They are important to me. Secondly, the state of mind has changed, marriage has become important as a ritual through which one wants to go through with this particular man. Joint preparation, a holiday where close people are present, rejoice for you - all this is very great.

Several years ago, the question arose of moving abroad. And he said that it would be great to get married because he would like to go there with me. For him, it was a legal formality. And I already wanted to get married, but that it was not a formality.

It was my mistake that I didn’t say about it right away, but I worked myself up, accumulated thoughts, and then presented them too emotionally. And he had no idea about it.

I decided that it was necessary to end the relationship. Not because she didn't love. It was just that it was an important question for me: it was impossible to continue living together and constantly not think about marriage. He tried to get me back. And then I made an offer, but I refused. Some relationship problems have surfaced that should have been dealt with before getting married.

We decided to stay together and work on relationships, because we love each other, we coincide in many important things. Now we have a good relationship. And we both do not mind getting married, although we have not done so until now.

4. "We were in no hurry to get married, because no one really bothered about it"

Maya Has been in a relationship for 14 years, 7 of them have been married.

We lived together because we both always felt that this was the best way to really get to know each other (and also to see each other more often). But they did not discuss marriage in the sense that they sat down at the table, exhaled and began to discuss. We were quite young, and it seemed to us that it was too pragmatic and generally not comme il faut. Nevertheless, we had a common position, and it was clear to both of us: we wanted to be together, but we were not in a hurry with marriage, because no one was particularly obstinate. We were also students when we started dating, and we didn't want to get married at the expense of our parents. So we lived for seven years, doing all sorts of interesting things.

Our parents were great. We have not heard any textbook questions, thanks to them.

And then we wanted a holiday, and we decided that maybe it was just time. It turned out that discussions do not interfere with romance - the proposal was made in a deadly romantic way, during our trip to our beloved England, in a cozy corner of one of the best cities in the world, Manchester. And then the holiday was also quite a success.

5. "We have been together for so long that there is no point in proving something to someone."

Lyudmila Has been in a relationship for 14 years, is not married and has no plans.

We have been together since 2007, we came together in 2014. By 2015, even our parents stopped talking about the wedding as such - they lost hope of marrying us.

In principle, we did not have such a conversation - I did not dream of a dress or a bridal bouquet (or what do girls usually dream about there?). A stamp in your passport is also a bad reason to bother with a wedding. We have been together for so long that there is no point in proving something to someone and arranging show marriages.

At the same time, we are a family: common joys and sorrows, income and expenses, kitty.

Of course, legal issues are important to us. But so far they are irrelevant (and about some - like admission to intensive care or the right not to testify against a person in court - I hope that they will never be relevant). In the future, I hope the awful word "cohabitation" at the legislative level will get a different name. And people who are in a relationship, but do not inform the state about it, will also acquire a set of rights in relation to each other.

6. "I don't see any advantages, only disadvantages"

Svetlana In a relationship for six years, not going to marry.

We met literally on the day of our first date. Before that, they had known each other for about six months, but noddingly: they met at parties, greeted. At one of the parties we talked a little more, a month later we went on a date. Then we met with friends and went to him. And I, one might say, stayed with him. Everything turned out organically: it was not a conscious decision, we just fell deeply in love with each other and decided not to part.

I cannot say that I am an adherent of the idea that it is necessary to move in as quickly as possible. But in my case, I understand that a bright love smoothed out all everyday corners. Fundamental moments that should coincide in a pair, including views on everyday life, were similar for us. At the same time, during the period of emotional upsurge, we forgave each other some little things. Now we are reaping the benefits of this and living very comfortably in the same space.

We have never discussed in detail whether we will marry or not. I never wanted to get married. As soon as I realized at the age of 12-14 that there was an option not to get married and not have children, I realized that this was my option.

I was never interested in white dresses, babies. I was attracted by travel, career, study. Naturally, they told me: if you grow up, everything will change. But the older I get, the more reasons I see not to do this and become convinced of the correctness of my decision. At the beginning of the relationship, when we discussed different things, I spoke about my position. He said he felt the same way. And since then, nothing has changed.

For myself, I do not see any advantages, only disadvantages. For example, in the event of a divorce, from which no one is insured, you will have to divide the property. Large purchases can already be arranged in shares, the inheritance can be passed on by will. Again, marriage is often done because of children, and I don't want children.

The only context in which I can consider marriage is emigration. If someone from a couple is offered a relocation to another country, it is easier for both of them to move if they register a relationship. But we both do not work in areas where this is relevant now. And even if the offer was received, I would have thought whether to move or not. I realize myself through a career, social connections are very important for me. I'm not sure that I could have moved if the position was not offered to me: who will I work, what will I do?

I just have no idea why getting married. Sometimes they say that it is beneficial to a woman, but this is not so. Let's look at the statistics: women spend twice as much time on unpaid domestic work. There are studies that wives live less than unmarried ones. Caring for children also traditionally falls on a woman, which is why she slows down in her career. In the patriarchal picture of the world, marriage is beneficial to a man. But I understand how it works. You need to convince a woman that she should want to get married in order to make life easier for a man.