How to help your loved one get out of depression

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

When, in a loving couple, one of the partners begins to feel depressed, it is difficult for both. Dreary days come, each of which brings new grief and can be the last for this relationship. But if you stop berating your partner for a depressed mood and try to help, then the depression will recede, and your union will only grow stronger.

The word "depression" has lately stuck in my teeth. It is used everywhere. They indicate a lingering bad mood, it is used in jokes and memes. In fact, when true depression comes to your loved one, for some reason it becomes not funny at all, but rather dreary and even scary.

You see the changes that are taking place with your partner: he is not happy or surprised by anything, he can lie in bed all day, he is not interested in your conversations and attempts to entertain him. And you are simply torn apart by the influx of thoughts and emotions. Are you the cause of depression? Maybe the relationship is over? How long will this last and how can you help?

Depression is a grim test for a couple. But you can pass it successfully. In this article, we will tell you how to help your partner and keep your union. We touch on a subtle topic of mental health, so you must understand that you do not need to blindly follow all the recommendations. Think about which ones and how you can use for your couple.

Don't take the symptoms of depression personally

Most of the symptoms of depression turn your couple into the complete opposite of a happy union. A depressed person has a distorted perception of reality: even positive and joyful moments appear to him, if not in black, then exactly in gray.

Of course, he doesn't want to go out, go on dates, talk for hours, and have sex. These are generally accepted indicators of good relationships. Hardly any of your friends say: “We have such a wonderful couple! My beloved comes home in the evening, silently looks at the iPad for three hours, and then goes to bed without saying a word!"

Therefore, having noticed changes in the behavior of your partner, you make the only correct, as it seems to you, conclusion: he has lost all interest in you. Your friends will actively confirm this guess if you describe the situation to them.

The danger of depression is also in its invisibility. If a person has a broken leg, he also cannot walk and have a lot of sex, but everyone can see why - here is a cast. We cannot point a finger at the internal state, therefore, for ourselves, we explain external changes in the most common and simple way:. This conviction is even stronger if you see that your partner continues to behave as before with other people, and when alone with you, it deflates like a balloon. Literally's blog, Darling claims this is actually a good thing:

Literally, Darling blog

We almost always take the constant bad mood of a loved one at our own expense. It begins to seem to you that you are the cause of the depression. A depressed person cannot behave as usual, and even more so with loved ones who know him thoroughly. While among strangers, for a short time he can pretend that everything is in order.

Naturally, it hurts you to see how your partner behaves quite normally with others and changes completely around you. But, surprisingly, this is a good sign. This means that he completely trusts you, loves you and allows himself to discover what is really in his soul. If he sometimes tries to push you away, do not be offended, move away, but be nearby.

Depression can affect a person for many reasons: illness or death of loved ones, own poor health, difficulties with relatives or friends. But its symptoms will affect first of all on you: he will suddenly become bored talking with you, he will not want to go somewhere or even watch TV shows in the evening.

If you cannot get rid of the thought that your partner simply does not want to be with you, ask him about it directly. And when he answers that it's not you, accept this answer, calm down and start solving the problem of his poor moral well-being together.

Develop a plan to cope with depression together

Don't take the symptoms of depression personally, but don't ignore them either. Yes, your partner is not showing any romantic feelings right now, but it will still hurt him if you dismiss his condition. If your loved one is sick or injured, you do not blame him, but you take care of him and help to heal. Do the same with depression.

In fact, for someone who is trying to cope with a depressed state of mind, a relationship is a huge help. But only if you move in one direction and act together: you need to understand your partner and take practical steps together. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America offers many methods of dealing with depression: examining your condition, setting goals, recording results. However, the best method of treatment is to work together with a loving person.

Depression Relief Association of America

Mental health professionals are increasingly recommending couples and family treatment programs. After training with a doctor, a partner or family member can help the patient at home, that is, provide 24-hour therapy for him. The “family doctor” should be close to the patient in situations that exacerbate anxiety and low mood, and support it by reducing anxiety.

Your partner may not want to be treated. In this case, you cannot press on him and rush him. You can support, but not force. You can start by looking for a good doctor together or reading treatment articles. The main thing for the two of you is to understand that you are together and you are moving in the same direction.

If your efforts are crushed by the stubbornness of your partner, if he rejects your support and is sure that he does not need help, then decide for yourself whether you want to continue to stay in this relationship and wait for positive changes or you do not have the strength to do so? But do not be a tractor for your partner, he should only understand and accept that he needs help.

Leave your partner some space

Treatment for depression will always go haphazardly. As if you let your cat walk around in paints and then run on a white sheet. It seems that your healing plan has been worked out in detail, your goals have been set, everything is neatly recorded in the observation log, and you are cheerfully moving along the right path.

But one morning the patient wakes up and feels hopeless … Everything is bad, so much hard work has been done, but nothing helps, the soul is still empty and terribly sad. It would be better now to curl up into a ball of sadness and detach from the whole world.

This happens, and it is natural. But at these moments you want to either give your patient a good kick so that he stops souring, or completely abandon the treatment, because it does not bear fruit. Take your time, one bad day is not the end of the world. Although your love will not be the main cure for depression, it is still important for the patient, says psychotherapist Rita de Maria.

Rita de Maria psychotherapist

Your love, your presence, your warmth are definitely needed by your partner. It won't stop depression, just as it won't, for example, lower blood sugar levels or relieve arthritis pain. Nevertheless, your feelings can change the "broken" processes in your partner's head, revive his positive thoughts and raise his self-esteem during this difficult period.

Depression fundamentally changes the way we live. That which pleased, ceases to please; what fascinated or interested in now does not cause even a drop of emotion. The presence of someone who accepts this state without condemnation or resentment is very supportive and even inspiring.

Set boundaries to protect yourself

It is always very difficult to support a person who is depressed. Occasionally, the overexertion will be on a scale that will jeopardize your own mental health. There is no need for sacrifices like: "I will do everything so that my loved one is healthy." When helping a partner, establish clear boundaries of your presence, do not completely dissolve in his state. Leave time for your hobbies, meeting with friends, but just to be alone.

Surely you want to help. But you do not need to subordinate your life to the depression of your partner, for this you will pay with the stability of your morale. You can even refuse to be your loved one's “home therapist” if you realize that this is an unbearable burden for you.

There are other ways to help: remind the patient to fill out a logbook or take medication, encourage him to go to the doctor, or talk him into another psychotherapy session. But don't put everything on the altar of his illness, he has to do something too.

And this is not cruelty, not a manifestation of dislike. You also need to take care of yourself, otherwise you both may end up in a pit of hopelessness. You can be a very loving partner, but if you play with one goal, and your patient does not want to do anything, then this will create grief and resentment that will lead to the destruction of the union.

Allow yourself to speak up when you are unhappy with something, do not be afraid that you will cause a relapse and worsen the condition of the loved one. Of course, you can “conserve” some minor grievances in yourself, but be sure to talk about significant grievances.

At the end of this article, I would like to write: we hope that our advice will not be useful to you, because you and your loved ones will always be in a cheerful mood. In any case, always remember that everything in life is changing, and if you have a dull gray streak, then it will definitely end.