First date: 5 secrets to success

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Too often, we have high hopes for the first date with the person we are interested in. But do we always manage to achieve our goals? To make the first meeting easy and pleasant for both parties, it is worth following a few rules.

I was once in a relationship with a wonderful man and was happy. And then everything collapsed. Not right away, of course, but more on that some other time. Of course, I was worried. And for quite a long time. And then I decided it was time to create a new relationship. And about a month ago I registered on a dating site.

There was a time when I listened distantly about my friends' endless unsuccessful attempts to "find something decent there." They often complained that the first dates with “amazing men” were the last ones in the end. Therefore, starting this stage, I tried to foresee, if not everything, then a lot. And to my surprise, everything went well every time!

Solving this problem, I formulated several simple rules, and now I want to share them. Let's start with the most important thing.

1. Be real

Remember the ad? A girl comes on a date and accidentally hears a waiting young man talking to someone on the phone: “No, I haven't found it yet. After all, I'm looking for a real one! " The girl quickly changes her appearance, becomes "real" and makes a wonderful impression on the young man. Who would have thought that everything in life is exactly the same?

From personal experience

Every time, getting ready for a meeting, I tried, let's say, not to get ready. Already on the first date, I realized how right I was! I was greeted by a man in a sweater and jeans, slightly immersed in work problems. I would be nice if I came in an evening dress or a sexy blouse with a luxurious neckline!

It's amazing, but what I chose from all my wardrobe absolutely corresponded to the place, time, my interlocutor, and most importantly - myself. Which significantly influenced the course of the entire meeting, because it allowed us to immediately be on the same wavelength. After all, we both came in what we are comfortable in walking, sitting, communicating. And it was so natural! In general, I recommend it.

Although perhaps your favorite and most comfortable outfit is a sexy blouse? Well then go ahead!

But remember: take-me-now war paint and erotic outfit are more suitable for looking for dubious adventures, and not for your soul mate.

You may be asking: what about the advice that a woman should be attractive in the first place? Yes that's right. The question is: who do you want to attract?

For your potential husband, most likely, your femininity and inner beauty will be attractive, which modern men perfectly notice at first sight. And attraction at the level of basic instinct will leave your relationship at that level and, most likely, forever.

2. Smile sincerely

Gioconda's smile will not suit us. Sometimes men fall into a strange stupor from such "female tricks" with a claim to the notorious mystery. A Hollywood smile with all 32 teeth will not work for us either. Psychologists have long since explained why.

The only requirement for your smile is that it must be sincere. You ask, how can you even smile at a stranger, and even sincerely? Just think that you are sincere now! You are sincerely glad that you came to the meeting, and here he is, already waiting for you, and you are really happy to see him, aren't you?

And I'll tell you one more secret: there is nothing worse than a polite smile on the first date. Think for yourself, what can she say to your chosen one? Personally, I see something like this: “Well, it’s very nice, of course, that you came, but I’m all so polite, and that’s why I smile at you so politely. I'm sure you already liked me, because I'm so polite."

From personal experience

To use this technique successfully, it is enough to create a special elated mood within yourself, which I like to call "quiet delight". Why quiet? And why delight? On the one hand, you do not gush with uncontrollable emotions, on the other hand, you do not exhaust your interlocutor with disturbing thoughts about your inner trouble. That is, we are looking for a middle ground.

If your delight is quiet, then it can be contained, but it is still present. It inevitably makes itself known from time to time and first of all breaks through in your intonations, in your smile. And your smile is really joyful and sincere. Because at this moment you release your inner sun out.

A sincere smile disarms and invites you in a special way. It forms a space of trust, into which your interlocutor falls.

Using just this one technique, you will go most of the way towards each other in one date.

3. Be simpler

Be light on what is happening. Experience shows that a person who is too fixated on the result, the chances of achieving it are drastically reduced. It is inexplicable, but it is a fact. Although, perhaps, the whole point is in the excessive tension. She does not decorate anyone. And our task with you is to present yourself in such a way that a person wants to see you again. Or even more than once!

It's also important not to try to showcase only your best sides. This will allow you to see the different reactions of your potential partner and see if he will be able to cope with your little flaws in the future.

Surprisingly, men also respond positively to such openness. They also have something that they want to hide, there is a fear of ruining the first impression. Realizing that you are allowing yourself not to be perfect, they themselves relax a little. And we remember that the main thing is to create an atmosphere of trust and comfort.

From personal experience

Basically, I tried to be the same as in life, to behave as usual, including permission to be imperfect. And this gave us the opportunity to immediately get to a different level of communication than the standard bowing and bowing.

For example, being 15 minutes late, I simply apologized and explained the reason without wringing my hands. And then I sincerely rejoiced at the calmness and loyalty of my interlocutor. And she was so happy that he noticed this joy. And she mentally set herself a plus, seeing how he was inwardly drowsy from the feeling of his generosity. And then he told me that this happens to him, and finally relaxed. By the end of our communication, we already knew that both are imperfect. And if you look closely, it is this knowledge that creates a feeling of greater intimacy.

Men love girls with whom it is easy to breathe, with whom you do not have to build anything out of yourself, follow your every word, gesture, in other words - strain. Don't strain men on the first date. After all, if they are in search, it means that someone has already strained them very much before you!

4. Don't be afraid to ask

But ask about what is really important or interesting to you. Psychologists say that people love to talk about themselves. And it is a sin not to take advantage of this! Seeing your genuine interest, the man cheers up and becomes more calm.

Plus, while he speaks, you can look into his eyes with a long look, putting in him any feeling you want. Your gaze can be alluring, thoughtful, mysterious or perky, intriguing, with a twinkle! But most importantly, he must be open and friendly. For me personally, the last option was enough.

Also, it is on the first date that you should ask those questions that will pave the way for your future relationship. Do not be afraid to discuss with your interlocutor the goals of acquaintance, ask him what he expects from communication.

Tell us about yourself. And here do not talk about what you expect from the person himself or from the relationship in general: "You must be (hereinafter a list of 48 points), and then I will marry you!" Talk about what attracts you to the prospect of continuing to communicate with him. If it is difficult to tell a potential partner about it, tell yourself about it. Let a clear picture form in your head. By the way, this will help you keep the dialogue in the right direction.

From personal experience

Openness and mutual interest allowed us to talk with enthusiasm throughout the meeting. Without tortured pauses, awkward silence, without the need to tensely think about what else to ask.

And for difficult cases, there is one little secret, which I call the "loop-hook". Let's say you asked a question and received a detailed answer. And you notice that your interlocutor is frantically looking in the corners of his own brain, what to ask you now. Help him out! Start talking about yourself by answering the same question that was asked to him. He will have time to silently admire you (personally, I always say smiling). And there will be time to figure out what to talk about later.

We really love it when others are interested in us, in our life, in our thoughts. Give your potential partner this joy!

Especially if you see that your questions do not confuse him and do not make him want to hide somewhere. And at the same time you can find out for yourself everything that seems important to you.

5. Believe in yourself

This rule should become an axiom for you. Self-love, adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are the main components of your future success. And not only on the first date. These qualities form your inner core of a person who is stable in life. And it is they that lie at the heart of your charisma and attractiveness. If you are the proud owner of this great combination, feel free to set a date. The date will be successful!

In conclusion, I would like to say: read articles, study trends, ask for advice, seek information. But listen to yourself first! Your heart, your intuition will never fail you.

Be simple, real, sincere, ask, smile, believe in yourself!