Table of contents:
- 1. How do you see an ideal relationship?
- 2. Does anyone think they are dating you now?
- 3. What makes you happy?
- 4. How do you feel about monogamy?
- 5. How are you?
- 6. If all animals could talk, who would be the rudest?
- 7. What are the three main qualities you look for in a partner?
- 8. How do you imagine a perfect day?
- 9. What is your relationship with your parents?
- 10. Do you still communicate with your childhood friends?
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-07-28 10:38
Scientists have proven that the right conversation topics can help strengthen the bond right from the start.
The first date is always interesting and exciting. But let's be honest: this is also real work. Usually everything starts off in a standard way, with the questions "Where are you from?" or "What are you doing?" and other platitudes. And they, you see, are quite useless and do not help an awkward conversation in any way.
American scientists have found that asking the right questions during a first date can significantly strengthen the bond between people. If you're just getting ready to meet someone you like very much, try to step away from your usual pattern and use these 10 simple lines.
1. How do you see an ideal relationship?
The answer will help you understand what a guy or girl is looking for in a partner and relationship. Be a strong self-sufficient couple, build a balanced and thoughtful partnership, like in business, or maybe become a traditional family where a man works and a woman is the keeper of the hearth.
Don't talk about your desires right away. Listen carefully to your interlocutor. This way you will find out if you suit each other or if you have different views on the future.
2. Does anyone think they are dating you now?
This provocative question must be asked, maybe even jokingly, but ask. No one definitely needs a relationship with a person who has not fully figured out his personal life and past hobbies.
Read between the lines. If your dating partner says they have a "crazy ex" or "ex stalker" who is still texting and showing up on the doorstep, there is a small chance that all of these phrases are just code for "We sleep together periodically."
3. What makes you happy?
Healthy relationships happen in couples where everyone knows what makes them happy. The partner is not obliged to be responsible for our good mood - we must be able to independently cultivate in ourselves a love of life.
Ask the person you are dating to talk about their hobbies. If he or she laughs and disdains the issue, that is a bad sign. Already at the stage of the first date, you are interested in different things. Not the best start for a relationship.
4. How do you feel about monogamy?
If you want just such a relationship, you do not need to be shy about it. A person who agrees with you will not be put off by the question, but it will help you immediately say goodbye to someone who does not suit you.
Try to inquire in a playful, casual way. And if you do not welcome monogamy, ask a similar question, but this time about polygamy. Trust me, it's much better to discuss these things before you enter a relationship.
5. How are you?
If you need to leave only one trivial question, then this one is a win-win option. As annoying as it is, this is a good conversation starter that will easily lead you to other interesting topics and help you get to know each other a little better.
Alexandra Solomon Clinical psychologist, author of the book “The Courage to Love. 20 self-discovery lessons to help you find the love of your dreams."
A successful first date requires two people who are ready for real dialogue, not a series of interview-like questions. During a meeting, do not ask each other about different topics in turn - discuss them together.
Phrases "How are you?" often enough to start a conversation in which you can dissolve. Well, a monosyllabic answer is definitely not the best sign for a future with this person.
6. If all animals could talk, who would be the rudest?
This is a strange question, but the answer to it can say a lot about a person. His first reaction will show you how serious he is in everyday life. Or maybe it turns out that in front of you is the soul of the company, aptly shooting jokes to the right and to the left.
Such a ridiculous question will let you know how playful the person is, whether you can just laugh and feel relaxed around him or her.
On first dates, defense mechanisms are often triggered, especially if you have had a heartbreak in the past. And they only kill romance. And such a question, on the contrary, will return the feeling of creativity, fun and tomfoolery.
7. What are the three main qualities you look for in a partner?
It is better not to build illusions, but to immediately figure out whether you are suitable for each other or not. Ask how he or she sees your partner and what qualities he or she finds repulsive.
If there is no clear answer to the question, then your interlocutor is not serious about the relationship or has not yet figured out what he wants from them. This is not the best starting point for a healthy union.
8. How do you imagine a perfect day?
This is about the same as the question about a hobby, but it also reveals a person's lifestyle.
Listen to how your date partner sees his ideal day - active or calm, full of events or relaxed, and consider if you want to be a part of that life.
9. What is your relationship with your parents?
This question actually hides another: "What kind of love have you seen?" We all know that the family model is laid in childhood, and the relationship between mom and dad can largely determine our personal life.
Warm family relationships always make a person more stable emotionally and mentally, as well as self-confidence. But if you find out that everything is not so rosy, this is not a reason to immediately run away and cut off communication - after all, situations can be different. However, a simple question like this can be the key to understanding your future relationship.
10. Do you still communicate with your childhood friends?
The answer to this question will give you an idea of a person's ability to stay in a relationship for a long time. How long has he been communicating with loved ones who are now around him? Does he keep in touch with old friends? If communication was interrupted, then why did this happen and what can he say about his already former friends?
To create a healthy union, each partner must have their own interesting and eventful life. Otherwise, one person will dissolve in another, and such a relationship usually ends in failure.
You may not like the answers to these important questions. But without this you will not be able to develop as a person
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