Why an obedient child is bad

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The expressions "good child" and "obedient child" are often used synonymously. But this is not at all the case.

Obedience is traditionally given a lot of importance in upbringing. One of the most common complaints of parents: "The child does not obey me." And almost never parents of obedient children turn to specialists. But they also have cause for concern. Unquestioning fulfillment of all the instructions of adults is not at all the norm (no matter how much parents want it). Absolute obedience can be a sign of serious parenting problems and can lead to negative consequences in the future.

Lack of initiative

An overly obedient child gets used to being led. With age, this translates into an inability to be a leader or, even worse, a complete lack of initiative. The model of behavior, when adults decide everything for the child, quickly becomes fixed, and in the future it will be difficult for your child to make independent decisions.

What to do

Leave your child free choice. Let him decide some questions for himself: what he will eat, what he wants to play, what to watch or read. Support the baby's suggestions, let him feel that the initiative is not punishable.

Exposure to someone else's influence

At about three years old, a period begins in a child's life when he realizes his desires and learns to defend them. During this period, the baby is ready to answer all sentences with the word "no". And if this "no" meets a tough and uncompromising rebuff, then in the future it will be difficult for the child to defend his independence not only from his parents, but also from any environment.

Too obedient children find it difficult to say "no", they are not able to insist on their own.

What to do

Be sensitive to the wishes of the little person, encourage their manifestation. Respect your child's choice. Allow a little disobedience, of course, within the framework of safe behavior. Not every "no" needs to be met with hostility.

Low self-esteem

Submission is very often combined with low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence. The child may think that he is "bad" and try to earn the love of his parents by exemplary behavior.

What to do

If parental love depends on the child's behavior, this is an extremely abnormal situation and a huge upbringing mistake. Here you can not do with simple advice, it is better to contact a specialist.

Soreness

Too obedient children are prone to various chronic and infectious diseases. The absence of external manifestations of dissatisfaction does not mean that the child does not experience negative emotions. The need to keep everything to oneself harms even an adult, let alone the developing organism of a child.

What to do

Allow your child to show dissatisfaction: he does not have to be delighted with all your instructions (instructions). And more - go in for sports. The benefits of physical activity are obvious, regular sports have a positive effect on the emotional and volitional sphere of children. Naturally, without fanaticism.

Overcompensation

It is not uncommon for children, deprived of independence and the right to choose, when growing up, trying to compensate for the limitations of their freedom. Exemplary boys and girls get out of hand and turn into difficult teenagers. The risk is increased by the inability of these children to withstand bad influences.

What to do

The child should have a "space of freedom" - those areas where he makes decisions. And with age, this space should gradually expand.

Outcome

It is abnormal for a child to resignedly obey the will of an adult contrary to his own desires. Obedience is not the goal of education, but only a means. The goal is a happy and healthy child (in the future - an adult). Independence, the ability to insist on one's own, belief in one's own strength - all this is impossible without a bit of protest, without conflicts, without denial. That is, without disobedience.