Why pampering is important and how to do it right

Why we don't know how to pamper ourselves

As children, we know how to enjoy life, and we understand exactly what we want and don’t want. Therefore, we easily find activities that delight, and easily accept the care and attention of loved ones.

Over time, many people lose the ability to pamper themselves. There are so many reasons for such changes that it is hardly possible to list everything. Here is some of them.

Upbringing. Almost every generation has some kind of shock: war, crisis, coup d'etat. And if children are still left with the right to enjoy life, then adults simply do not have the opportunity. And then a dreary existence is accepted as the only correct model: “Why do you need this? How old are you? Get down to business!"
The cult of suffering and self-denial. Religion played an important role here. But domestic socialism with its collectivism and “one must live not for joy, but for conscience” made a significant contribution.
Admiration for achievement. You constantly need to run, strive, do something, otherwise life is wasted.

Recently, there has been a tendency towards softening requirements and a more attentive attitude towards oneself. But this is more about the younger generation, who are still condemned for this: “They avoid responsibility! At 23 I already had a family and two children”,“I changed my job because he didn’t like the old one. Just think, what a sissy!"

Therefore, the problem of inability to indulge oneself remains.

Why you still need to pamper yourself

Those who have not managed to maintain this skill have a hard time. While the inner child is trying to attract attention to himself in order to get a portion of pleasure, the inner adult (perhaps in the voice of a real parent) stops short: not the time, not the place, everything important must be done first. After all, if you figure it out, pampering yourself means spending some valuable resource:

money (but what about the savings? suddenly a crisis? and how many things you need to buy!);
time (again, you are wasting your weekend, because you could have done something useful!);
strength (you will now ride a skateboard until midnight, and in the morning to work);
reputation (what will people think!).

But man is not a robot, and by depriving himself of pleasures in the name of benefit, he loses more than he gains.

Alena Kondratyeva Psychologist.

The concept of suffering is very popular. The more you suffer, the more heroic you feel. The concept of "leaving the comfort zone" has also been perverted. And for some reason this process was attributed to inconvenience and constant overcoming. Although, by and large, this is about a new experience and expansion of your picture of the world. Leaving your comfort zone means seeing the world outside of the familiar. And try new things: from a non-standard route home to original hobbies.

If you think about it, all this suffering is presented as a path to happiness. However, happiness is not a destination, but the path itself. And for this path to be interesting and easy, it is important to please yourself and take care of your Self both morally and physically.

No one knows better than ourselves what the soul wants and what can cheer us up. And new victories are accomplished precisely in a good mood. When you have enough energy, healthy perseverance and self-confidence.

Achievement assumes that a person will act not from a resource state, but in spite of the absence of any forces. But on the moral and strong-willed, you can only win over short distances. After that, you will have to recover for some time. But life is long, and constant attempts to struggle with oneself will only lead to burnout, loss of strength and psychological problems.

Valentina Snegovaya Family psychologist, psychologist-sexologist.

Emotions are energy, the resource on which we function and can not only work, but also be successful, achieve our goals. We have two resource states: love and happiness! And even if right now there is no one to love and make you happy, it is easier to do it yourself.

How to pamper yourself

This is not something that can be learned by simply realizing the benefits of taking care of yourself. The skill must be trained.

Alena Kondratyeva Psychologist.

Being happy is not a reward, but a skill that you need to cultivate in yourself every day. Surround yourself with people, things, and experiences that you enjoy. And now we are not talking about unrestrained fun with endless parties, but about what makes life truly fulfilling.

Think about what you would like to see in your ideal life? What emotions would you like to fill it with, what memories? Surely you can already afford to realize your desires. At least partially.

Try to start with a few steps.

Understand that you are really happy

It sounds simple: who knows better than the person himself how to please himself. In fact, everything turns out to be more complicated, because various attitudes and other things that come from outside interfere in the process. Maybe a person wants to run barefoot in puddles and crochet, but he is afraid to admit it to himself, because he is a 40-year-old man.

Valentina Snegovaya Family psychologist, psychologist-sexologist.

Let's go back in time and remember who pampered us first and how did we feel? This is not about care, but about love. And if in childhood adults expressed love by spoiling us with things (sweets, toys, pocket money, purchases that are not necessary to ensure life, and so on), then, as adults, we love ourselves as we learned in the past.

Most adults have difficulty loving themselves, but this is fixable. Conduct a very simple test: divide the sheet into two parts and in one answer to yourself the question "What do I love?", And in the other - "What makes me happy?"

The questions are similar, but not the same. Try to come up with more options. The former will come easily and may not be quite the right fit. But the longer you think, the deeper you start digging.

Take care of yourself regularly

Here it is like with a diet or playing sports: doing something half-heartedly, but constantly, is more useful than giving 100% of it once and quitting everything.

Valentina Snegovaya Family psychologist, psychologist-sexologist.

You need to love yourself every day in dosage so that you have time for work and loved ones, sleep. An hour or two a day is enough depending on the family workload. But on weekends, it is recommended to devote a little more time to your "Wishlist", once a month allow yourself a longer event or change of scenery, immersion in a different environment. A large dose of self-love - once a year in the form of the vacation that attracts you.

What exactly needs to be done, you will learn from the list that you compiled earlier. After all, the preferred forms of love and happiness are different for everyone: one loves solitude in the mountains or the forest, the other loves noisy companies, the third the opera, and someone comes off with a book and a delicious cake.

The key is to remember that any way to pamper yourself is okay if you like it. Kayaking is good, lying on the couch is also great. Choose according to your taste.

Be mindful of yourself

Excessive zeal can bring any useful idea to the point of absurdity. If you take taking care of yourself as a task, then it can also be turned into a routine that you will do from under the stick. Therefore, you need to carefully listen to your own needs. Monitor your condition. For example, if the day was hard, you should give yourself a little more joy and care, that is, do everything so that negative feelings do not accumulate.

The ability to enjoy life every day is a useful skill. Pamper those they love. If you think about it, you can see how easy it is to do something nice to loved ones: praise, admire, give gifts, and spend time together. But you will not have another one either, so why not love yourself enough to stop torturing and start pampering.