How and when to ask for forgiveness in order to receive it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Forget about but, repent and don't expect an instant response.

Why ask for forgiveness

Our brain believes that we are always right. Admitting your own mistake creates cognitive dissonance. It seems to us that we will look weak, our self-esteem suffers. And we are trying to justify ourselves at all costs.

But everyone makes mistakes, they cannot be avoided. So it's okay to ask for forgiveness. And useful.

Repentance and peacemaking gestures help you release negative emotions. And, of course, keep the relationship. Research shows that sincere apologies motivate people to forgive their offenders.

When to ask for forgiveness

You have something to apologize for

The life hacker has already written that there is no need to ask for forgiveness. However, in some cases, you still have to apologize:

1. You didn't keep your promise.
2. You hurt another person.
3. You have offended someone's feelings.
4. You ruined someone else's thing.
5. You late.

Of course, you will have to step over yourself only if you want to correct the situation and value your relationship with the person.

Do you really feel guilty

Before apologizing, think about it: are you really guilty and sorry about what happened?

Don't ask for forgiveness if you don't feel guilty or regretful. This will negatively affect self-esteem and self-confidence.

So soberly assess each specific situation, the consequences of your actions, the severity of what you have done.

Are you ready to change

Ask for forgiveness if you are sure that you will correct yourself, the conflict will not happen again. You will not be able to constantly apologize for the same act: sooner or later, you will be figured out.

How to properly ask for forgiveness

Prepare a plan

Think about what and how you will speak. A 2016 study found that the most effective apology has six components:

1. Expression of regret.
2. Explanation of the reason.
3. Recognition of personal responsibility for the deed.
4. Repentance.
5. Suggestion of ways to solve the problem (bug fixes).
6. Asking for forgiveness.

Interestingly, the components are not of equal importance. The study participants emphasized the third point. As mentioned above, admitting your mistake is painful for a person. That is why it is important for the victim to know that you are ready to go for it and settle the conflict.

Among the least important is an explanation of the cause, as it often looks more like a common excuse.

Ask for forgiveness when you meet in private. Choose a quiet place where no one will disturb you.

Just take your time. If you ask for forgiveness during a conflict or immediately after it, the apology will seem insincere: emotions are too strong. Wait for everyone to calm down and consider what happened.

Follow the rules

A dry, carelessly thrown "sorry" is not enough. But you don't need to be too zealous. In addition, there are no guarantees that you will be forgiven. So get ready and follow simple rules.

1. Be sincere … Show that you really regret what happened.
2. Don't make excuses … You are to blame. Point. You should not anger the interlocutor by trying to shift responsibility.
3. Do not use any but … They will automatically turn your apology into an excuse or even criticism of the other person.
4. Focus on what you have done … "I'm sorry that my words hurt you!" - doesn't sound like a sincere apology, does it? Ask for forgiveness for your actions, not how the person took them. For example: “Forgive me for rashly calling you a bad specialist. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
5. Don't blame others … If there are several offenders, do not emphasize this.
6. Don't feel sorry for yourself … First of all, you should think about the feelings of the offended, and not about your own. Express regret, but don't describe your suffering.
7. Don't expect instant forgiveness and don't press … The phrase "Well, I've already apologized 15 times!" forget it. Sometimes the victim needs time.
8. Confirm words with actions … Correct the mistake, if promised, and do not repeat it. Otherwise, your apology is meaningless.

Take care of yourself

Remember that admitting a mistake and asking for forgiveness does not make you weak. To step over yourself and accept responsibility for the harm done, you must have courage. You may even be able to benefit from it - learn to think things over.