8 signs your relationship is no longer worth saving

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Not all couples are destined to be together. The main thing is to understand it in time.

Even the strongest couples sometimes go through difficult times and think about breaking up. Everyone determines the boiling point for himself. But here are some wake-up calls that indicate that the relationship may not be saved.

1. You are gaslit

Gaslighting is a word for which you cannot find an analogue in Russian, and therefore you have to use the original term. This is a form of psychological violence, when one person tries to convince another that he is inadequate, overly sensitive, sees the world distorted.

Typical phrases in the arsenal of a gaslighter: “You are exaggerating”, “It just seemed to you! You did not understand everything so well!”,“Don't be so nervous! Don't say a word to you!”,“No, I would never say that, why are you inventing?”. Sometimes all this is said on purpose in order to destabilize the victim, deprive her of confidence in her own adequacy and make him more submissive. This is usually done by narcissists, psychopaths and simply manipulators.

In other cases, a person gaslights his partner subconsciously, without noticing it himself, because he does not want to admit that he was wrong.

Be that as it may, the result of these manipulations can be very sad.

Gaslighting victims sometimes experience a complex of symptoms similar to those of PTSD. And in the most severe cases, the case can end in suicide.

A relationship in which one person regularly resorts to this kind of manipulation is rarely healthy. And you probably won't be able to save them.

2. Only you are interested in a relationship

It so happens that a couple has problems and misunderstandings, but only one person is trying to sort it out. He reads articles and books about relationships, constantly tries to discuss the situation, makes concessions, suggests going to a family psychotherapist. And the second equal participant in the conflict does nothing. And in general, with all his appearance, he demonstrates that he, in general, does not care - let everything be as it will be.

Imagine that you, together with a business partner, have opened a common business, but in the end only you work and invest money, and he does nothing. Most likely, you will not tolerate this for a long time.

Relationships are also a common cause that requires the interest of both parties.

And if this is not so, then the couple simply has no future.

3. You feel disgusted

You cannot kiss this person without shuddering, you do not want him to hug you. You are endlessly annoyed by everything that your half does and says. Even just being around is disgusting. Some psychologists consider contempt as the main sign that the relationship has come to an end and there is nothing to fight for. Because where such feelings have appeared, there will be no place for love, understanding and even sympathy.

4. You cannot rely on your partner

Such a person can be well described in one word: unreliable. He lies, disappears in those moments when you need it most, spends common money behind your back, constantly gets involved in some unpleasant stories. And you know for sure that in difficult times you cannot rely on this person: it will be a great success if at least he does not throw you even more problems.

Attempts to maintain such a relationship will lead you to a dead end over time.

There is already too much instability in the world, and this is one of the reasons why modern people constantly live in stress. In relationships, we seek peace, comfort and confidence in the future. And you shouldn't waste time and energy on someone who cannot give all this.

5. You have cheated on each other more than once

Or someone has changed. The main thing here is this: a one-time betrayal - sexual or emotional - can still be considered a mistake in some cases. Although here, of course, everyone must decide for himself. But if infidelity happens regularly - and at the same time, the relationship was not conceived as free, then the couple has problems.

It turns out that formally these people are together, but they sleep, make friends and share emotions with someone else. This means that there is nothing left of the relationship and, unfortunately, there is nothing left to preserve.

6. Relationships Hurt Other Areas of Your Life

For example, a partner forces you to quit your favorite job, does not allow you to practice a hobby and develop. Because of it, you quarrel with friends or parents, get nervous, sleep poorly, lose health. All of these can be attributed to signs of emotional abuse.

But it also happens that people do not want to harm each other, but their relationship still runs counter to development or interferes with mental well-being. For example, one was offered a job abroad, while the other would have to give up a successful career in order to go there. Or one in a cold climate is constantly sick and wants to move somewhere south, while the other physically cannot stand the heat.

If at the same time people love each other and their relationship is strong, you can try to find a way out.

But when the union is already on the verge of collapse, such disagreements are likely to be the last straw.

7. You are avoided

You notice that your half no longer wants to spend time with you. The person has become cold and secretive, shares almost nothing with you, avoids conversations. It is evident that he is building some kind of his own isolated life and does not want to let you into it. And the point is not necessarily that he has someone else.

It's just that the feelings are over and he wants to go further alone, even if he himself is not yet aware of it. And if a person has built a wall between you, it is hardly possible to break through it.

8. You find it difficult to open up

You cannot have a heart-to-heart talk with your half. Don't want to discuss problems in your relationship. Feel constricted, uncomfortable, and rejected at the thought of sharing your experiences with the person. More and more often keep silent and secretive.

Perhaps this happens because your partner does not support you, devalues and criticizes you. Or you do not trust him because he is able to spread your secrets or use them against you. Or maybe you just no longer feel the need to be frank with this particular person.

In any case, the symptom is quite alarming: a healthy relationship is built on openness and trust.

Where this does not exist, it is already difficult to fix something.

Naturally, no ideas or advice should be a guide to action - just a reason for reflection. The only situation in which you should definitely break off the relationship, and as soon as possible, is when your life and health are in danger. Physical abuse, threats, or harassment signals unambiguously that a relationship cannot be saved. In other cases, it can still be fixable.