21 signs your relationship is going to hell

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Nobody promised that a relationship is easy. But this does not mean that meeting or living with another person should resemble an endless hell.

Knowing when to quit and when to move on is key to emotional survival.

Until we are 200% sure that the relationship is over, we continue to believe in it. This is understandable, because in a few years (or months) we become so attached to a person, we can say “grow into” him, that it is very painful to part. It is clear that you are trying to preserve the relationship: there is always hope that they will change for the better.

Not everyone has the courage to ruin a relationship the moment it actually ends. Here are 21 signs that "finita la comedy", if it has not yet arrived, is already very, very close. If at least four points out of all you say: "This is about us," - think about parting more seriously than usual.

1. Resentment

You constantly resent your partner, but don't say anything. You think that this is how you preserve your relationship, but in fact you are only delaying that unpleasant moment when all the accumulated negative will break out and your connection will end in a painful break.

Resentment does not go anywhere, especially if the factors that cause it do not disappear. If it does not spill out, it means that it accumulates inside, and this causes stress and illness. And, of course, it destroys the relationship - slowly but surely.

2. Disrespect

If you and your partner have reached the point where you show mutual disrespect, it's time to destroy your illusions. There is nothing easier than to stop feeling affection for someone who disrespects you.

People can continue to live together without respect and awareness of the value of each other, which leads to an absolute indifference about the needs and desires of a partner. Well, what kind of continuation can we talk about?

3. Contempt

It doesn't matter what motives aroused contempt, be it a failed career, a change in appearance, or something else. Partners should support each other in any situation, because is it not this warmth that we need so much under any circumstances, and especially during some personal problems.

If you began to treat each other with contempt, no longer receive warmth from the relationship and live not with a friend who understands, but with a cold being who condemns you, why continue?

4. Lies

I am talking about that lie when you say to a person: "I love you" without feeling any feelings. You are afraid to hurt him, but you are not really protecting him, but only making him worse. The truth will come out: you cannot lie all your life and at the same time not ruin it for yourself and your partner.

Well, if you say to yourself: “We are happy, I am happy, everything is fine with us,” when you feel that everything is over for you, this is also an escape from reality.

5. Mistrust

If you don't trust your partner, then there is a reason for this. If they are so serious that trust cannot be restored, why stay with this person? All your life to check, worry and waste your nerves?

6. Swearing in public

All the good things you can say about your partner can be said in public. And all the bad things are better left for private conversations. To scold a person in public means to achieve only a negative response or a hidden resentment.

In addition, if you scold your partner in public or even just allow yourself unpleasant jokes about him, it means that dissatisfaction is growing inside, which has already begun to splash out.

7. Distance

If you are often looking for a way to stay away from your partner and deliberately try to avoid contact and intimacy, it is time to get rid of it.

You have already severed the emotional connection with your partner and thus gently let him know that it's over. Maybe it’s better to do it right away, and not produce suffering and doubt?

8. Demanding proof of love

"If you love me, you …" It is very tempting to manage a person's life in this way, and if you occasionally hear this phrase, then something went wrong.

The only person who can change his feelings is himself, and some of your actions have nothing to do with it.

Well, if you yourself say so, think about whether you really need this person, will he become loved if he does something? And can you manipulate someone you really love?

9. Public humiliation

If your partner humiliated you in society once, it is more likely that he will do it over and over again. It doesn't matter that he drank a lot that evening or was in a bad mood.

Public humiliation of a partner speaks only of deep self-loathing, and no matter how much love you give to this person, it will not fix the situation without his firm desire to change and work with his self-esteem. And this is difficult not only to correct, but even to admit.

10. Obsession with another person

If your partner is obsessed with another person - it doesn't matter if he is friends with him or hopes for a closer relationship - sooner or later this will lead to a breakup.

Of course, this does not mean that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person, but obsession with someone else is fraught with suspicion, jealousy and resentment.

Yes, your partner is clearly missing something in your relationship if he is so drawn to another person, but you can hardly give it to him. And you certainly shouldn't cheat on yourself for the sake of another person.

11. Obsession with pornography

There is nothing strange or wrong with partners watching porn together. Some semblance of voyeurism helps to get aroused and find something new to try later in bed with a partner.

But if one of the partners is obsessed with pornography, full satisfaction will always elude him: in pursuit of the Grail of multiple orgasms, he may end up on the path of perversion.

So, if you are not satisfied with such layouts, think about the root cause of this obsession, and about the possible consequences.

12. Emotional infidelity

Some people believe that monogamy is the only possible option for a relationship, for others it is difficult and almost impossible.

If you have changed for the sake of a variety of sexual experiences, the relationship can still be maintained, but if there is an emotional attachment to the person with whom you had an intimate relationship, it’s time to end the relationship.

The first question people ask when they find out about their partner's infidelity is, "Do you love him / her?" Because it is the emotional, not the physical connection that is the core of the relationship, and if it is gone, then you have nothing else to do here.

13. Inability to end the conflict

It starts as an endless struggle without reaching a consensus, which gradually develops into "as you want", when the partners no longer care about the results of their struggle.

There is a rule: never go to bed offended at each other. And there is definitely something in him.

If none of the partners can pacify their pride and desire to always be the winner in an argument, cannot go to a truce without achieving their goal, this relationship has no continuation.

14. Subconscious

If you unknowingly do things that harm your relationship, it’s your psyche that tells you what you really need.

You can think whatever you want, but your actions speak of real desires better than all your assurances and hopes.

15. Obsession

If your partner has an obsession with, for example, alcohol or substances, he / she is a shopaholic, gambler, workaholic or sex obsessed, you will always be in second or even fifth place and will not get the emotional connection you would like.

If you don't have an obsession, your partner's addiction can ruin not only his life, but yours as well. Not a very pleasant prospect.

16. Painful attachment to ex

If your partner still maintains more than a close relationship with an ex-girlfriend or husband / wife, this is destroying the relationship.

Former partners need to be respected, especially if you have common children, but the first role is still assigned to the current partner. If it doesn't, it’s easy to feel secondary and unnecessary, and this is a direct path to rupture.

17. Threats and emotional blackmail

This is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. Emotional blackmail is often touted as intense love, but it is actually control. And control, in turn, is an abuse of the senses. You have to run from this as far as you can see.

18. Constant comparison and ratings

Is your partner comparing you to someone who looks more attractive, makes more money, is smarter and more interesting than you? This is a form of humiliation. If someone thinks that the grass is greener in someone else's yard, let them go there.

People are unique creatures, although in many ways they are similar. You shouldn't compare yourself, let alone listen to it from your partner.

19. Indifference

Why stay together if you don't care about each other?

20. Disappearance of attachment

There's nothing wrong with wanting a roommate, but if you want more out of a relationship, don't stay with a partner who isn't your only partner. Don't just stay because you're comfortable.

21. Physical abuse

There are no excuses, no explanations, no circumstances or promises matter. You just have to leave.

In general, conflicts in relationships are a way to get rid of pain, but the reasons for them may vary. It can be a way to open up an abscess of dissatisfaction and resentment that has arisen in a relationship, to cleanse the wound, remove the interruptions, and save the relationship.

But it also happens in a different way, when conflicts are a way to break off relations, to inform the other person that they are over, that it is no longer worth tormenting each other.

And it is better to learn to distinguish some conflicts from others, otherwise it will be painful and bad for both partners.