Table of contents:
- How to support with words
- How to help with deeds
- What to do if a person refuses to be treated
- What actions can only harm
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-07-28 10:38
On the day of the fight against breast cancer, we will tell you how you can help your loved ones in a difficult situation.
How to support with words
Talking about illness is a difficult process for both parties. It is not clear where to start and what phrases to choose to help the person, and not hurt him.
Don't rush to talk
If a person has just learned about his diagnosis, then, most likely, he is confused and depressed. It is unlikely that a loved one will be immediately ready to discuss what happened - he will need some time to be alone and recover a little.
In this case, do not jerk him, do not try to stir him up or force him to talk. After all, you too need time to digest what happened. While the person understands himself, try to learn more about the disease, try to formulate your own emotions and imagine the feelings of a loved one. And when he opens up a little to you, you will be ready.
Remind you that you are with him
It is not at all necessary to have long conversations in order to alleviate a person's condition a little. Use the simplest phrases: "I am with you", "I am near", "tell me if I can help at least something." Let me know that you are here and are always ready to listen.
If you do not have the opportunity to see a person in person or talk to him, you should first write words of support in the messenger. Promise to come and be there as soon as the chance arises. Be sure to tell your loved one that you constantly think about him and expect to see him as soon as possible.
Sometimes the simplest words are the most important.
Let me talk
When a loved one is ready to discuss what happened with you, remember: now your feelings are secondary, let him speak. The person will most likely be overwhelmed with emotions. Anger, fear, panic, despair, confusion - be prepared for anything and do not leave, even if it will be very painful and difficult for you yourself. You must withstand an explosion of anger, wait out the flow of tears, listen to the words of resentment and let in all the anxiety of a loved one.
Of course, this will not change what happened, but even such a simple discharge will briefly alleviate the person's condition.
Repeat that you will always love a person
There is a threat that a person will begin to doubt not only his future, but also the love of his loved ones. For example, he will think that soon no one wants to see or accept him, so exhausted and tired. Always, always remind you that this is not the case. You do not love for beautiful hair or chic muscles, you just love him.
People are afraid not only of death, but also of loneliness. Don't let your loved one get hung up on this.
Try to be honest
Unfortunately, a bad diagnosis or a gloomy prognosis cannot be hidden by deception. At least for a long time - a person will know about it anyway. Therefore, try not to deceive your loved one and do not promise the impossible. Discuss your shared fears and feelings honestly and carefully.
Talk about the future
It must be remembered that cancer is not the end, and remind your loved one about it. And the easiest way to keep from forgetting that the disease can be defeated is to make plans. When you feel that the person is ready to get a little distracted and discuss something outside, take a chance.
It is not necessary to plan things for years ahead - it is only important to make you feel that life goes on. If possible, discuss going to the movies next weekend or going to the park. The goals do not have to be large, the main thing is that they are.
How to help with deeds
Words are not always enough.
Be next to
Try not to leave your loved one alone for a long time. At such moments, it is not necessary to talk - you can just sit next to him and hold the person's hand. If he doesn't mind, hug him sometimes. Skin-to-skin contact is very important.
If possible, start working remotely or take a vacation to be together more often, especially at first. Doing so can help mitigate at least a little the terrible feelings of loneliness that a person may have.
Cancer is a very scary diagnosis. Therefore, strong emotions are inevitable. But you cannot indulge in panic or fears for too long, because the life of the sick person largely depends on your peace of mind. It is you who will comfort your loved one, solve practical issues and deal with all the troubles. And in a state of constant hysteria, this will not work.
It is scary to go through clinics and doctors alone, even more scary is to understand incomprehensible diagnoses, directions, requirements and procedures. Faced with a disease, a person does not know where to go, who to turn to and what rights he has. Take on this difficult process yourself.
For starters, do not forget that oncology is treated under the compulsory medical insurance policy. Once the diagnosis has already been made, then there is a referral from a doctor. Read this document to see where to go next. Also remember that you can independently consult an oncologist with the test results. The main thing is that all the processes are organized by you: registration for examination, collection of the necessary documents, registration in the hospital, and so on.
In addition to planning, it is important to go to doctors with a loved one, and not send him alone. The person will not only be very worried, but may not remember all the information due to stress. Try to find time to help your loved one with these difficult and very unpleasant procedures.
Unobtrusive to help
It is important to free a person as much as possible from household chores so that he gets less tired. First, ask how you can help. If a loved one names something specific, then immediately get down to business.
Remember: a person should not feel helpless. Therefore, do not forbid him to do something, but conduct a dialogue.
But if the person skips the question or refuses, start small. For example, things that you should have done anyway, but either forgot or ignored on purpose. After the first step, it will be easier: try to gradually take on certain responsibilities. If all goes well, you will be able to quietly do most of the household chores.
To do something pleasant without asking
This will not relieve anxiety or fear, but, perhaps, at least for a short time, it will cheer up a person. The actions themselves can be anything: from delivering delicious food to your home to an expensive purchase. Arrange surprises, buy your favorite desserts or exotic fruits that were previously a shame to spend money on.
What to do if a person refuses to be treated
Do not rush and do not impose your opinion. First, try talking to your loved one about his feelings and the reasons for this decision. It is important that this dialogue does not gradually turn into an argument. You don't have to convince the person - you have to understand him. Only by understanding the motivation can you try to change something. Therefore, try to see rejection as a choice that has a right to exist.
If the person feels that you understand his emotions and accept his decision, then perhaps he will be a little more open to dialogue. In this case, tell us about your experiences. Explain how much you are afraid of losing him, how dear he is to you, and how grateful you will be if he even thinks about the possibility of treatment. Do not push or press, focus on your own feelings - the final decision is not yours, but you have the right to explain yourself.
Then you can only hope that the person hears you. If he is ready to talk further, try to convince him that cancer is not necessarily a death sentence. And grabbing even the slightest chance of survival is worth at least for your sake.
What actions can only harm
Individual words and deeds that seem to be supportive can be painful. Even if you have good intentions, you shouldn't:
- Say "I understand you" or "I understand how you feel." If you are not a cancer patient, then such words of support will only devalue the feelings of a loved one.
- Promise that everything will be fine. Unfortunately, you do not know whether it will be possible to defeat the disease or not, and the person perfectly understands this. Such phrases are more annoying than soothing.
- To lament, to make a mournful face and in other ways to show that everything is bad. It's important to share your experiences, but you definitely shouldn't scare the person even more. He's already scared.
- To pretend that nothing is happening, to ignore the fact of the disease. Sometimes you want to forget about what happened and imagine yourself in an ideal world, but your loved one will not be able to forget about the diagnosis even for a minute.
- Take offense if your help is rejected. Caring and attention are important, but equally valuable is respect for the feelings of the other. If a person wants to be alone or to cope with something on his own, give him this opportunity.
- “Disabled” a loved one. Of course, I want to do everything for him, but in everything you need to know when to stop. To overcome the disease, it is important that a person does not stop fighting. Do not deprive him of faith in yourself.
- Force to be treated. The pressure will only create resistance.
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