How to care for a loved one who has lost health

And this is in the USA, with a developed insurance medicine, a fairly high level of income of citizens and a widespread habit of creating savings, which, at least in theory, can be enough for a professional nurse. What happens in less prosperous countries, where caring for loved ones in need is traditionally considered a purely family responsibility, we can only guess.

At one time, Rosalyn Carter, wife of US President Jimmy Carter and founder of the Institute of Trusteeship, uttered the legendary phrase:

Rosalyn Carter Founder of the Trusteeship Institute.

There are only four types of people in the world. Those who have been in the role of a nurse before. Those who are caring for loved ones right now. Those who will become guardians in the future. And those who need or will need help.

Sometimes people become guardians in the blink of an eye, for example when a close relative is seriously injured or suffers a stroke. But this is often a gradual process. At first, the person ceases to cope with some of their daily activities and you have to go to the grocery store instead. Then you realize that he cannot prepare food for himself. Clean up. Forgets to take medications on time. And now you seem to be not a nurse yet, but your life has already changed: you cannot go on vacation or take a walk with friends unless you find someone to look after the ward for you.

Finding yourself a replacement is not always possible. The constant need to take care of someone leads to fatigue, irritation, aggression. And this is a serious problem.

How not to burn out and not turn caring for loved ones into hard labor for yourself and hell, full of helplessness and guilt, for the ward? Here are eight tips from long-term caregivers and from Caregiver stress: Tips for taking care of yourself / Mayo Clinic to help caregivers deal with inevitable stress.

1. Let the ward make decisions

It is important that the loved one who needs your help continues to feel like a person, and not just a burden. It gives confidence and helps reduce stress levels. And to both sides.

Listen to the opinion of the ward, involve him in decision-making (if possible). In this case, your relationship from the format "one gives - the other consumes" will turn into partnership. You can become a psychological support for each other.

2. Focus on joyful moments together

These moments are life. Plunging into them, you can distract yourself from the difficulties for a while. And just feel: my loved one is alive, he is near, we are together.

Marnie Guardian, letter to The New York Times.

The first days of caring for my mother were not easy. And for her and for me. But we shared our feelings and sorted things out. My favorite memory: Mom and I are sitting on our lovely covered porch and listening to the radio. She sways in a chair, and I embroider. We would spend hours like that! Mom has been gone for four years. If I could stay just a little longer with her on this veranda, while she quietly sways in her chair, and I sew, I would feel in paradise.

What these moments will be is not so important. Play cards. Eat ice cream. Go through photos full of fond memories. Listen to music and sing along. This is what unites you. And what will forever remain in the memory.

Write down each such event in a special notebook - a gratitude diary. He will become a source of strength for you.

3. Feel free to ask other family members or friends for help

Make a list of tasks that you could delegate to someone. This can be shopping for groceries, cooking dinner. Or, for example, a walk - perhaps your ward has friends with whom he could chat for an hour or two without you being present.

Don't ask, but at least ask if other people can help. You need a break from time to time. And perhaps someone from family members, acquaintances, neighbors will want and be able to provide it to you.

4. Listen to the experts

You should learn more about the disease or condition you are dealing with. Contact the clinic where your loved one is being monitored. Perhaps there they will tell you the addresses of rehabilitation centers or charitable organizations that provide assistance in similar cases.

In addition, profile groups can be found on social networks. Don't miss the opportunity to get advice from a healthcare provider or professional guardian.

5. Find a support group

It can be all the same profile community in social networks. Or a "live" support group: these are sometimes gathered at rehabilitation or psychological centers.

It is important that you have someone with whom to share your experiences, fatigue, anxiety. To be able to feel: you are not alone.

The same support group is worth looking for for your ward if his condition allows him to communicate with other people.

6. Set realistic goals for yourself

It is impossible to work fully at the same time, do the housework and devote a lot of time to a loved one. Trying to combine several types of activities at once, you run the risk of driving yourself up and sleeping with overwork.

To prevent this from happening, follow a few simple rules:

Break down large tasks into small steps that can be completed one at a time.
Prioritize. For example, today the most important thing is to go to the doctor and buy medicine. Tomorrow - take a walk with the ward for at least 2-3 hours. The day after tomorrow - finish the job. Concentrate on the main task and do not beat yourself up for not having time to complete the secondary ones.
Make to-do lists for the day. They can help you plan your time better and show you how much you do.
Establish and follow a daily routine.
Avoid tedious activities. Let's say from the need to prepare a five-course gala dinner. To create a feeling of celebration, sometimes cake and tea are enough, serving which does not take much effort.

7. Try to get rid of your guilt

Sometimes it's okay to feel guilty. You just need to understand: no one can be the perfect guardian. Believe that you are doing everything you can for your ward. You are already a hero. Don't forget this.

8. Take care of yourself

Be sure to take several 5-10 minute breaks each day when caring for a loved one. This time should only be yours. It is needed to:

write down one more item in the gratitude diary - a little joy that happened to you today;
do a short warm-up;
meditate;
listen to your favorite song, leaning back in a chair;
just look out the window.

Sometimes take a day off: at least once a week, delegate your guardian powers to another relative or hired nurse. Never refuse friendly offers of help. Get enough sleep. Contact a therapist if you are unwell, and regularly undergo preventive examinations with specialized doctors.

Your health is important not only for you: the life of a loved one depends on your well-being. Take care of yourself.