5 relationship myths that harm your love life

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Probably no other area of human life has overgrown with so many myths and prejudices as relationships with the opposite sex. Let's take a closer look at several ideas common in our society on the topic of relationships in a couple, try to look at them differently and dispel these misconceptions.

Myth number 1. Relationships develop by themselves: either lucky or not

If one of your friends or acquaintances adheres to this belief, then the relationship seems to him like a lottery ticket.

They met, fell in love, got married, lived together happily ever after. Lucky. Or they stopped loving each other and went their separate ways. Bad luck. And if the ticket has not won, then you need to find a new one - enter into the following relationship. Maybe get lucky with them.

Another look

Family psychologists see long-term and, most importantly, harmonious relationships a little differently: they compare building relationships to building a house. But since feelings are a rather fragile thing, the construction and strengthening of this house must be special.

Even if such a "house of relations" is built on a solid foundation (read about it below), then even after the walls are erected, the roof is installed and the interior decoration is carried out, this house constantly needs all kinds of repairs, finishing touches and cosmetic repairs (in addition to the planned capital).

If every day you do not systematically work to improve the quality of relations, their depth, then very quickly such a house of relations will begin to decay and can fall apart - simply because they are not engaged in it!

We must try to do everything well: it will turn out badly by itself.

Andrei Mironov Soviet theater and film actor

This kind of relationship work cannot be delegated to plumbers and carpenters. This is the kind of repair that is important for a couple to do every day - together with each other.

Myth number 2. A good deed is not called a marriage

Let's do a little experiment. Take a look at the picture below.

How did you feel looking at her? If you have a thought like “Oh yes, I understand, definitely noticed!”, Then perhaps you, too, are under the influence of this myth.

"What's the problem?" - you ask. That such a myth conveys the idea that marriage is hard, painful and bad. But the thing is, it's not marriage itself that is bad. This unhappy marriage is bad.

A huge number of people complain about their difficult relationships to anyone who is ready to listen to them. Do people who are happily married shout about it at every corner? No. They quietly enjoy their relationship. And then a paradoxical situation develops: we hear those who complain, and we do not hear those who are satisfied with their relationship, and we begin to consider such a bleak state of affairs as normal.

Is it any wonder then that many men (and sometimes women) are afraid to bind themselves with relationships (what words!), Do not formalize them officially, or even do not join them at all?

Another look

It is not marriage itself that should be feared, but the unhappy and painful relationship that may arise between partners. And then it makes sense to figure out (on your own or with a family psychologist) what actually happens in a couple, in order to either break up (if it's very difficult together), or to improve this relationship.

And the very institution of marriage is not to blame for anything.

Myth No. 3. Shared values and views of spouses are optional

The creators of romantic films and books diligently convince us that the main thing in a relationship is the love that has appeared in them, and the difference in age, social status, worldview, religious views and other serious issues is not so important. And this belief is deeply rooted in our culture.

Another look

Of course, these guys are a little cunning.

Let's face it: What are the chances of Jack and Rose in Titanic for a lasting and happy long-term relationship if both of them could survive? What will they be talking about in a couple of years? Yes, they can stay close for many years, but will they really be together?

Or another example is the film "Pretty Woman". Big businessman and prostitute together for a long time - seriously? What foundation will such a relationship be based on in a few months or years?

Thinking that the views and values shared by a man and a woman are unimportant is like building a "house of relations" without a foundation and on sand.

Even if you repair such a house 24 hours a day, it will still go underground or fall apart (at least psychologically) in most cases.

Myth No. 4. Sexual difficulties occur in all couples, this is not unusual

Glossy magazines teach women that if sex did not happen (unstable erection in a partner) or it lasted too long (premature ejaculation), then it is important to take it calmly and with understanding ("Sometimes, do not be upset, dear") and wait for the next time when, maybe, everything will be different. A man will probably be grateful to his partner for such an attitude. What's the problem?

Another look

From the point of view of family psychology, sexual difficulties can be seen differently. Yes, medical problems with sexual health can affect intimate life, but more often this occurs after partners (or only men) reach the age of 40–45 years.

If we are talking about a man and a woman aged 20–35, then more often these difficulties are not of a medical, but of a psychological nature, that is, difficulties in sex are actually a signal of problems in a couple. If you treat this "with understanding" and do nothing, the tension between partners will accumulate and sooner or later it will burst.

Perhaps a more useful solution for a couple would be to look for an appointment with a competent sexologist who knows how to work not with one “patient”, but with the couple as a whole. With its help, you can find the true psychological cause of sexual difficulties and begin to cope with them.

Myth number 5. Man and woman are fundamentally different

Various social authorities - from television and glossy magazines to authors of popular psychological books - assure us that men and women are so different that they, as the metaphor that became the title of John Gray's bestseller, as if flew to Earth from Mars and Venus, respectively. … And that it is extremely difficult for the representatives of these two alien civilizations to find a common language: after all, women want to be listened to, and men - not to be distracted.:)

Another look

The thing is, the more we focus on the differences between men and women, the bigger the gap between the sexes becomes, making relationships worse, if not painful (see Myth # 2).

In fact, the deep-seated needs of both men and women do not differ that much.

All of us, regardless of gender, want to be loved, appreciated, supported and inspired, given freedom, but at the same time be close. Pleased with sex and positive attention. They helped in word and deed.

It is much easier to satisfy your needs if you perceive the needs of your partner not as a heavy tribute to a bloodthirsty alien invader, but as the desires of a living person like yourself.

And then there will be much more people from Earth on our planet.