5 love languages will make your relationship stronger

Does love have tongues

Different people like completely different expressions of attention and love. Everyone has their own understanding of how they want to be treated. It is a kind of native language, which does not always coincide with the mother tongue of the partner.

For some, the true manifestation of love is constant care and help, for others - signs of attention in the form of surprises, gifts and flowers. To some, all this seems unnecessary if the partner is never around.

It is useless to declare your love to someone in one language if your interlocutor understands only in another, different from yours.

To be heard and understood, you need to speak the same language with your companion.

But what if you really want to be given flowers and gifts, to say compliments, but the young man does not understand this? Is it possible to learn your partner's language?

5 languages of love

In search of answers to these questions, I came across the book by Gary Chapman "Five languages of love."

Chapman divorces the concepts of falling in love and love. Falling in love is a temporary emotional outburst that unexpectedly comes into life and also unexpectedly leaves it. Love is a choice, an act of will that requires discipline and recognizes the need for growth. You try for the other person, and if you succeed, then you yourself are glad that you really love.

Conscious choice is contrasted with the euphoria of falling in love. You can love each other even after the feelings are gone. The question is to make the right choice in favor of love and respect for the interests of your partner. In this case, the main thing is to speak with your companion in his language.

The author identifies five languages of love: words of encouragement, time, gifts, help, touch.

1. Encouraging words

five love languages: words of encouragement

Reward words are one of the five main languages. There are those for whom it is very important to be appreciated and praised on time. When such people are admired, they are grateful and ready for feats and any requests. For example, to instill confidence in your partner, you just need to praise him once more.

Praise and support help your partner feel important.

They bring you closer, heal wounds, and enable both of you to achieve something in life. The right words give determination and set you up for victory.

It is important to be able to admire not only impressive results, but also to believe in the capabilities of your beloved. Talk about the merits, not the demerits. Then the mountains will be moved for your sake.

2. Time

For someone who speaks the language of the time, the main thing is to spend time with each other. Being together means paying attention to each other, not just being close. When you spend time together, you should fully pay attention to your partner, talk, focusing on the interlocutor, and not create the illusion of spending time together.

People often misunderstand the needs of their partner. If your partner's language is time, don't rush to find solutions to their problems. You need to be able to show that you understand how hard and offensive your companion is, because he wants understanding. It is necessary to listen, empathize, try to understand the thoughts, feelings and desires of another.

Sometimes learning to listen is almost as difficult as learning a foreign language. But to understand your partner, you have to do it. Try not to advise, but to sympathize. Try to understand, not come up with a solution. Ask more questions and try to focus on the person rather than the problem.

3. Gifts

For many, loving and giving are the same thing. So, for some, the visible symbols of love are in gifts. Symbols have emotional value. At the same time, the price of gifts is absolutely not important, because the main thing is attention. You were looking for a gift, therefore, you thought about the person and spent your time on it.

A person who speaks the language of gifts does not care about their price. At the same time, the language of gifts is the simplest. You can buy some little thing or make something with your own hands. Even your presence can be a gift. If you understand that you need this kind of attention, say it out loud. Perhaps your partner just doesn't understand that it matters to you at all.

4. Help

If it seems to you that your partner is not helping, and you are tired of doing everything yourself, then your language is help. For this type of people, helping is doing something for someone else. Help can be different: to deal with the car, pick up from work, clean the apartment, or take a walk with the dog. When you help your partner, you try to please him by showing your love. After all, help takes time and effort.

If it really matters to you that your partner can help you with something that is causing you difficulties, and he does not understand it, ask. You only need to ask for help, not order. And you also don't need to be offended if you are not helped by default. Perhaps your companion has a different understanding of the world.

5. Touching

For some people, the only way to feel love is through touch. It is very important for such people to hold hands, they need to be constantly hugged, kissed, touched. Tactile receptors for such people are crucial. But be careful: not everything that you like may be liked by your partner, so it is better to ask him what he wants.

It is very important for such people to feel the physical closeness of a person. If your partner is from this group, the main thing that you need to do in difficult times is to be there. A person will find more comfort in your arms than in any words of support.

How to understand which language you speak

When do you feel loved? If you can't answer, you can go for the opposite: what do you miss most in a relationship? What hurts and hurts you the most? If criticism and condemnation of your beloved hurt the most, then your language is words of encouragement. If you are saddened by the lack of flowers at home and rare surprises, your language is gifts. If it hurts that a young man is always at work, and you spend little time together, time.

Think about how you yourself express love, what you do in a relationship. You probably would like to receive the same answer in return.

And don't be offended by your partner's criticism. Try to perceive it correctly. It helps to determine the language of the partner, this is his way of asking for love.

Why do you need this

Sometimes it is extremely important to see the world through the eyes of another person. All people have different needs, and that's okay. Sometimes, in order to save a relationship, it is enough to understand in time what is important for your partner, and not just for you. Then it will be possible to support him as he needs. Give people what they need, not you.