Personal experience: how I got behind the wheel after an accident

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

It is possible to overcome your fears after a traumatic experience. But it is important to remember that the problem will not solve itself.

How I had an accident

In my family, there was never a question whether I would ever get behind the wheel. It was presented as a fact: "You will get your license and you will drive a car." The thing is that I am very similar to my father - a first-class auto mechanic, car enthusiast and driver with great experience. Since childhood, I spent a lot of time with my dad in his garage, together we watched films about races and even discussed new items of certain car brands. I learned to use different tools, we assembled models of planes and cars.

Mom and grandmother could only be surprised: they had never been interested in anything like that. Because no one had any doubts that I would also get behind the wheel. I myself lived with the confidence that everything would be so, dreamed of a new car and long journeys behind the wheel.

Everything changed when I was 16 years old. I spent my holidays with my family at the dacha. One weekday, when the village was empty, I was allowed, under the supervision of my father, to drive along a country road to the nearest store. I ignored the slight prick of fear and listened carefully to the instructions on how and what works in the car. This was supposed to be my first time driving. I settled into the driver's seat, tried to move, back up, turned the steering wheel. It seems to be nothing complicated.

We drove off.

Reference. Driving without a driver's license, especially by minors, is illegal. According to article 12.7, part 3 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation, article 12.7. Driving a vehicle by a driver who does not have the right to drive a vehicle is punishable by an administrative fine of 30,000 rubles for handing over the steering wheel to a minor. An exception is the case when the driver has reached the age of 16 and drives a training car accompanied by an instructor. However, he will receive the right to drive a car no earlier than 18 years.

Dad encouraged and reassured me: he told me how to turn correctly, where to look while driving and how to keep the speed at the same mark. He understood that I had a bad feeling for the dimensions of the car and that it was difficult for me. But everything went well - I drove slowly, closely following the road. When the store was already in sight, she stopped the car. It seemed to me that I parked too far away, and decided to drive closer.

And then I made the most common mistake of novice drivers: I mixed up the pedals.

I wanted to slow down, but the car jerked off, I didn’t have time to orient myself and in horror pressed the gas pedal. Since the transport was not training, his father could not stop him. He shouted at me to turn the steering wheel in the opposite direction from the store and release the pedal, but I was paralyzed by shock. Fear did not allow me to do something, and the car at high speed flew into the fence and rammed the wall of the store. During the collision, I hit my head very hard, but did not lose consciousness. The same thing happened with my dad.

My father did not shout and blame me - his calmness helped me to recover. Immediately after the accident, he checked if I was okay, and only then got out of the car. We saw the smashed siding of the store and the crumpled hood, shards of glass, a shattered bumper and what was left of the left mirror on the ground. It was only at that moment that I realized that we were incredibly lucky. The machine took the hit.

Then everything happened as usual: traffic police officers arrived, recorded the fact of the accident, and issued a fine. The owner of the building got into our position, and we decided without a trial that we would pay for the repairs. This suited both parties.

We soon repaired the car and sold it. The Pope paid the fine and reimbursed the owner for the costs of restoring the building. He repeated that all responsibility lies with him and that what happened was not my fault. But I didn’t believe him: I was ashamed that I had caused so much trouble. Over time, my shame grew into something more.

For the next two years, I continued to drive in the car only as a passenger, when my father or grandfather was driving. But every ride turned into torture: even the sound of the engine frightened me. Cars, trees and buildings rushing past at great speed plunged into horror. I could only calm down when I left the salon. I was ashamed to share this fear: I thought my parents would be disappointed in me. And I so wanted my father to be proud of me!

With each trip, it seemed to become a little easier, but the fear did not go anywhere. In fact, he just went deeper.

When I turned 21, the question of getting a driver's license came up. Grandfather was gone, and one driver per family was not enough. At first, I managed to disown this, because I studied and worked - there was not enough time for anything. But suddenly I realized that it was not for nothing that I had come up with these excuses. Nevertheless, I again could not confess and enrolled in a driving school.

It is difficult to describe what I experienced every time in the classroom. The first two trips to the city brought me to the point where I got out of the car with trembling knees. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that after an hour and a half of driving I could not unhook my hands. There were red nail marks on the palm. I drank sedatives, tried to set myself up in a positive mood, watched a video with tips for novice drivers. Nothing helped. I still don't understand how I managed to get my license at that time.

This did not happen immediately. After the first failure, I even cried: I was afraid to disappoint my dad again. Although we must admit that I drove really carefully and very closely followed the road. But fear continued to follow me. Perhaps it turned into a phobia: every approach to the car was accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, my hands were shaking, and my palms were sweating. A variety of pictures flashed through my thoughts: on them I again and again bumped into something in a car.

How I solved the problem

Years after the accident, having a driver's license and the desire to drive a car, I was faced with the fact that I simply could not do it. In the meantime, many responsibilities have appeared: you need to give your grandmother a ride to the clinic, go for groceries, take your family to the dacha or the dog to the veterinarian.

So I came to the conclusion that I have a problem and I need help. I confessed to my sister first. I was afraid that she would laugh at me, because many get into an accident and after that they calmly sit behind the wheel. But unexpectedly for myself, I received support. My sister advised me to see a psychologist. There was a suitable person among my acquaintances, and I asked for help.

Since my acquaintance, Oksana, did not live in my city, we communicated remotely. We decided that we would call up twice a week. The first thing I learned: there are a lot of people with a problem, like mine. I was encouraged that I am not alone in this situation.

First of all, the specialist explained that the age at which I went through the traumatic experience had a big impact. Teenagers are really very impressionable, they perceive and feel everything more sharply. At the same time, I aggravated the situation with my silence, letting fear grow. Add to this the desire to please the family and make relatives proud of you - and we get a phobia.

The treatment was step by step. The psychologist listened and asked me what exactly scares me. It turned out that my trigger is the very beginning of the movement and the turn of the ignition key. And indeed: on the road, I was much less worried, getting involved in the process, the hardest thing was to force myself to get into the cabin and get under way. Oksana advised to exercise every day: first, just sit in the salon, turn on music for relaxation. As soon as the fear of being inside the car began to fade away, I began to try to start the car. Every day I did the same thing, in the end, these movements no longer seemed like something scary. I told the specialist about everything in detail, she noted my successes.

This was followed by the first small trip. First, in the parking lot next to the house, then - to the store across the street. Three weeks later, I went to work without fear. All my friends and family during this period already knew that I was trying to overcome my phobia, and they encouraged me. I think it was their support and the competence of a specialist that helped me overcome my fears so quickly.

What to do if you want to drive after an accident

Analyze road accidents, forgive yourself and let go of guilt

Once you acknowledge the problem, it is important to face it. Go back to the moment when the accident happened. Try to remember and analyze what exactly went wrong. Evaluate if you have made similar mistakes after the accident (assuming you continued to drive). If you have remorse, remember that you didn't do it on purpose. You didn't mean to harm anyone. And henceforth you will be very careful.

Understand what exactly scares you about driving a car

The triggers for activating a phobia can be very different - from turning the ignition key to a specific situation on the road. It is important to understand what exactly is causing you fear and to work on it first.

This should be done gradually. You cannot immediately get into the car and force yourself to drive by force - this will only provoke an increase in fear. Approach the solution of the issue in stages, get used to being inside the cabin. Try to do exactly what scares you. If the fear doesn't go away right away, that's okay - you need to keep working. Bring actions to automatism, let them become commonplace. When the fear of the main trigger begins to disappear, add new actions to your attempts that you are not afraid of. As soon as everything becomes easier, you can move on to travel.

Talk about your problem with loved ones or a psychologist and do not be ashamed of it

It is impossible to remain silent about this. According to research in The Oxford Handbook of Philosophy of Emotion, emotions affect our attention, and fear is not helpful in this case. When a person is afraid, the effect of fear and anger on selective attention turns on selective memory. There is a concentration on one thing, and specifically on what causes this very fear. But the driver has many tasks while driving: you need to look in the mirrors, check if pedestrians are walking, pay attention to signs, speedometer readings, weather conditions and much more. By focusing on something separately, we increase the chances of overlooking something and not taking into account - and getting into an accident.

It is for this reason that it is so important to work on your fear, talk about it and not be shy. Going through your phobia alone can hurt yourself and others.

Think about the problem from a different angle. You want to be a confident road user and not pose a danger to other drivers and their passengers. Such a desire can hardly be condemned - rather, you will be respected for it. This is commendable, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. So share what excites you.

Refresh your knowledge of traffic rules

There are often innovations in the rules of the road, and you need to know them. In addition, human memory is imperfect, you may have forgotten something since the accident. The newly acquired knowledge will give confidence on the road.

Step by step to do everything that you were taught at the driving school

You should go to this point only after all of the above, otherwise you risk aggravating the situation. To test your abilities, it is best to choose a free parking lot or any other deserted place. If there is nothing like this nearby, take an experienced driver as your travel companion and find something suitable on the map. There you can practice calmly without fear of hurting someone.

Go to the road with an accompanying person

Get someone you trust and who will not criticize you for mistakes - this is very important! When driving in the company of someone close to you will no longer cause fear, try driving alone. Start in low traffic lanes. As you regain confidence, you can choose more challenging routes. It is best to leave in the late evening or early morning of the weekend when there are not many cars on the roads.

Severe stress always triggers psychological defenses. A person begins to unconsciously control any information about the source of an unpleasant event and avoids everything related to a traumatic experience: memories, thoughts, conversations, places and people, actions.

At the same time, a person who is the culprit of an accident develops self-distrust, forms an idea of his image of "I" as the cause of something inevitable, alien, terrible. Emotional dullness appears, it becomes difficult to experience joy and interest in life.

Dealing with this problem without outside help is difficult. Especially when fear becomes obsessive and turns into a phobia or anxiety-depressive disorder. But there are several ways to help yourself before contacting a specialist.

1. Give yourself time to "digest" what happened. Any wound - and a mental one is no exception - must heal.
2. Don't put your fear on a pedestal, don't focus on it as a problem. All people have fears, from this you will not become weak and you will not cease to be respected. The problem of getting back behind the wheel is not just fear, but negative experience. But experiences in life are different, and fear helps us survive in dangerous situations. Learning to befriend this emotion means being able to take care of yourself and those around you.
3. Many are convinced that in order to conquer fear, one must face it. It's a delusion. If you force yourself to drive immediately after an accident, you can only aggravate the situation. Get back to driving gradually and be sure to reward yourself for success.
4. Make peace with yourself. In constant comparison with others - "I'm not that good", "she is better than me" - we forget to be ourselves. There are no perfect people in the world, and even super-professionals get into trouble. To free yourself from the burden of guilt, you need to regain the joy of being yourself.
5. Analyze what the accident taught you, how you can benefit from the incident. For example, you need to hone your parking skills, always strap on while driving, not use your phone while driving, and so on. Each trauma is destruction, but in place of the destroyed we can build something new, positive.

What i understood

The fear of driving in crash survivors is akin to that experienced by novice drivers. This is, first of all, a fear for one's life and the safety of others. After the accident, I didn't think I could overcome this phobia and drive without fear. But the help of a psychologist and the unlimited support of loved ones led to the fact that now I sit in the salon and drive with pleasure. Sometimes fear tries to return, but now I know how to deal with it.

Do not neglect the observance of traffic rules, go through MOT on time, use the car correctly, work with fear and do not worry about it alone. Then you will be able to win.