7 unexpected things I drew 10 years after I got married

1. The first year after the wedding is very scary

Honeymoon, falling in love, family nest. Somehow they describe the beginning of family life. Only many years later will routine, everyday life, quarrels and disagreements begin, and at the start everything is rosy.

No one warns that it is in this first year that black thoughts are overwhelmed: what if it was a mistake? What if we did it all in vain and nothing will work out?

Some happy newlyweds in a confidential conversation may split: "Yes, and I was scared, and I was afraid that family life would not suit me." But such experiences are not dumped on the public, the facade of a new family should shine and shimmer, like a fairy glade with unicorns.

The word "forever" is powerful. It scares at first.

After all, we ourselves decided to get married, we were so eager to live together. Where does the chilling fear come from at the thought that this is forever? That we took a step after which we cannot go back?

Only then comes the understanding that it is normal to be afraid, when it becomes clear that this is forever - the best that could happen in life.

2. All people are wrong

It seems like we gradually grow up, forget school attitudes and learn to live with the fact that mistakes are normal. We perceive them as a useful experience, we learn lessons. A mistake is even good, we understand over the years.

And then the partner is wrong. And it's not that someone forgot to congratulate you on your anniversary or ate your chocolate bar.

No amount of wisdom helps at a time when a partner makes a big mistake, almost fatally. It is then that you immediately forget that mistakes are a variant of the norm, that nothing happens without them.

It is much more difficult to accept other people's mistakes than your own.

Everyone has their own ideas about what is considered an unforgivable sin, but sooner or later everyone is faced with a choice: give a loved one the right to make a mistake or decide that this is too much.

Learning from your misdeeds is difficult, from your partner's mistakes - unbearable, but if you succeed, you will learn Zen, the secret of life and the Universe. I hardly exaggerate.

3. People change

It is impossible to re-educate an adult, but people know how to re-educate themselves. And suddenly it may turn out that you are living with a completely different person with whom you once exchanged rings.

People change bodies, habits, jobs, attitudes and beliefs. The process is exciting, and if you are lucky enough to change together, you will never get bored.

But there is one but. You may find yourself next to a person you no longer want to be with, because he is not at all like the one you fell in love with many years ago.

4. The child will take first place

In general, a normal person always comes first with himself, and only then all the others. When a family is created, the first place after yourself is your partner, the second half, your happiness and everything else.

And then children appear and become more important, more important, first. Probably so right. Maybe nature intended it. Maybe it's just an anomaly that gets in the way. Be that as it may, it is difficult to accept two facts:

Your loved one is no longer number one for you.
You are not number one for a loved one.

No, your feelings don't change, they even get stronger and stronger, seriously. It's just that each of you now has a child, and this is becoming more important.

5. No one will appreciate the victims

Never, for anything, under any pretext, one should not make sacrifices to the family. Nobody needs them, nobody will appreciate them.

Everything you do for the sake of your family is done because you want it, because you like it so much. And sacrifice is when you give up something immensely expensive for the sake of strange, supposedly higher goals. The most amazing thing is how cunningly everyday affairs turn into sacrifices, and we do not even notice.

If someone in the family in the role of a victim is no longer a family, but a torture chamber. Stop all attempts to put life on the altar of love right away.

When you get up half an hour earlier to cook breakfast for everyone on the weekend, because you love to cook and want to please your loved ones, this is a concern, a gift. When you wake up on your alarm and cook this damn breakfast, be it wrong, because it’s necessary in the name of wonderful family rituals, it’s sacrifice.

This is a simple, small example, because sacrifices on a large scale (career, friends, parents, hobbies) are much worse and do not need to be brought to them at all.

6. It's not true that everyone is equally happy

Even one family in different years is happy in different ways. Comparing two families is useless.

When difficulties arise, articles on how to establish a family life and cope with all that are piled up do not work well. Therefore, the advice of parents, friends and guru does not cost anything.

And that is why it is so important to look for your own happiness, even if it does not at all correspond to other people's ideas.

Especially for commentators: people are different, this applies to all the points I am listing.

7.10 years is very little

When I crossed the “10 years married” line, it turned out to be a lot. This is already considered a solid experience, and relatives, congratulating on the anniversary, wish to "love each other as before."

I have no idea who came up with the idea that 10 years after the wedding is a crisis, that after that the relationship changes, that love is no longer the same, there is no passion and all that.

After 10 years, everything is just beginning, because the strongest love is always only here and now. I think that after 15, 20 and how many more years the situation is the same.