How to stop being afraid of obstacles and problems?

How to stop being afraid of obstacles and life problems? By myself, I am a responsible person, but as soon as a problem appears, I get lost and, if I can't find a way out, I go into a panic-like state, I get nervous. Throwing off on "youth" is somehow stupid, because it is not always for me to be "little", I need to help my relatives, in the future - to work. And I want to learn to pull myself together, solve problems, and not avoid them, because everything cannot always go smoothly.

Anastasia Steblovskaya

Here are some questions that may help you deal with your fears more easily.

1. Is it possible to evoke or suppress feelings by willpower?

It seems to us that it is possible to perform a certain set of actions, and the “negative” emotions will recede, will cease to interfere with life in peace. But how realistic is this expectation?

Can you force yourself to be happy when you are sad? Or, on the contrary, to be sad when it's fun? Falling in love with a person who is disgusting? Unlikely.

And if you cannot start to rejoice and love, because "it is necessary" or "it will be better" - probably, you cannot stop being afraid, angry or sad.

2. What do you really want to do: stop being afraid or do what is important to you, even if you are scared?

We often think that anxiety or fear is the main obstacle to solving problems. If there were no fear, there would be no difficulties. Many of us truly believe that other (successful, courageous, outgoing) people are not afraid or worried about anything. Therefore, all forces are directed to combat anxiety.

However, in reality, the presence of fear does not define you and what you do. You can be afraid, but also take responsibility. Worry - and make decisions.

Therefore, try to put aside anxiety about anxiety for a while: imagine that obstacles and problems no longer scare you, but still appear in your life. What would you then be able to do or what would you give up?

In other words, how would the person you would like to be behave in situations in which you are anxious? Which of these are you ready to try now?

3. What happens if I focus on the present and not on the future?

It can be helpful to separate the severity of expectations from the real weight of the challenges at hand. How are your fears in specific situations influenced by thinking about what you need to, for example, stop being "small"? Or ideas about future problems of relatives that will need to be dealt with someday?

How will this affect your emotional state if you shift the focus of attention from future problems and all kinds of obligations, focusing on what is happening in the present moment?

4. What is already working and how can you help yourself?

When faced with new challenges, we tend to forget about our past successes and strengths. What qualities, abilities, skills did you have that helped to solve difficulties before? What self-help methods have you heard about but haven't tried yet (for example, mindfulness practices)?

Helpful practical advice on self-help for anxiety can be found in The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, Freedom From Anxiety by Robert Leahy, Anxiety Comes and Goes by Georg Eifert and John Forsyth.