What is Stockholm Syndrome and how to help get rid of it

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Anyone can become a victim.

When Wolfgang died, Natasha cried. Later, she lit Natascha abductor buried secretly a candle in his memory. It would have looked touching if it were not for the background of this event.

Natasha Kampusch is a girl who was kidnapped by a maniac at the age of 10 and kept in a basement for eight years, using as a sex slave. Wolfgang Priklopil is the same criminal from whose hands Natasha miraculously escaped.

The story of Kampusch and Priklopil is just one example of how a psychological phenomenon called Stockholm syndrome manifests itself. Sometimes such stories look scandalous and even frightening. But the syndrome is much more common than it seems.

It is quite possible that you also have it. You just don't know about it yet.

What is Stockholm Syndrome

Most likely, you have heard the history of this term at least by the edge of your ear: it is quite popular. Therefore, we will only remind Stockholm Syndrome in general terms.

In 1973, armed terrorists took over a large bank in Stockholm. Four bank employees were taken hostage. The criminals weighed the victims with explosive devices and placed them in a small room for six days. The hostages did not have the opportunity to get up and stretch. It's okay to go to the toilet. They spent their first days under constant threat of being shot for the slightest disobedience.

But when the police managed to free them, a strange thing emerged. The victims held no grudge against their tormentors. On the contrary, they sympathized with them. “Don't touch them, they haven't done anything bad to us!” One of the workers shouted, covering the terrorists from the police. A little later, another admitted that she considered one of the aggressors "very kind" for letting her move when she was lying on the floor of the bank. The third said that he felt grateful to the kidnappers: "When he (Olsson, terrorist. - Lifehacker) treated us well, we considered him almost a god."

The forensic psychiatrist Niels Beyerot, who analyzed the story, called the victims' paradoxical attachment to the torturers Stockholm Syndrome.

At the same time, in the 1970s, psychiatrists faced this phenomenon more than once. That is the famous kidnapping of Patti Hirst, the heiress of the famous media mogul, just a year after Stockholm. The girl was kept in a closet for many days, raped, beaten. It all ended with Patty falling in love with one of the kidnappers and sincerely joining their group.

What Makes People Attach to Abusers

In fact, Stockholm Syndrome is even natural. The mechanism of its occurrence is closely related to the instinct of self-preservation. What Underlies Stockholm Syndrome? - one of the most powerful human instincts.

First, sympathy for the aggressor reduces the risk of being killed. If you smile, show obedience and understanding, then perhaps the abuser will take pity and give you life. In human history, filled with wars and conquests, this has happened millions of times. We are all descendants of people who survived only because they once showed sympathy for the aggressors. Stockholm Syndrome is, one might say, hardwired into our genes.

Secondly, the manifestation of this syndrome increases group survival, since it serves as a unifying factor for The Stockholm syndrome. On the psychological reaction of hostages and hostage-takers between victim and aggressor. Since you are on the same team, even against your will, it is more profitable for everyone not to beat each other. An indirect bonus: if someone is in a hurry to help, and you are fighting an aggressor, then in the heat of battle the liberator can kill you too. Therefore, it is more profitable for the hostage to maintain peaceful subordinate relations with the rapist: from the outside it is clearer who is who.

Anyone can become a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. It is enough just to create conditions for this.

In most cases, Stockholm Syndrome is the result of severe psychological trauma. A shock of such a level that convinces a person: his life hangs in the balance and he has no one to rely on. Except perhaps the rapist - the only active subject who happened to be near, with whom is connected, albeit tiny, but still a chance of survival.

What does Stockholm syndrome look like in everyday life?

To become a victim of the syndrome, you do not have to be in a situation of kidnappers and hostages.

Just three conditions of Why Stockholm Syndrome Happens and How to Help are enough:

• psychological trauma associated with a threat to life;
• close relationships in which there is a serious difference in the strength and capabilities of the parties;
• difficulties in leaving this relationship.

Example 1: Relationship Between Abusive Parent and Child

The mother or father can insult the child, neglect him, severely punish him physically. But sometimes, in fits of good mood, they will give you candy. Or smile at him. This is enough for the child to remember only the bright moments, and the parent has become "almost a god" for him, like the terrorist Olsson in the eyes of the bank employees he has captured.

Subsequently, such children will protect adults from, for example, police officers who have come to call. Or lie to others, assuring that bruises are not from beatings, but from a simple fall.

Example 2: couple violence

Domestic violence, when someone, more often a NATIONAL STATISTICS woman, is addicted to an abusive partner is a classic of the Stockholm syndrome in everyday life. Everything develops in the same way. At first, the victim finds herself in a traumatic situation where she has nowhere to wait for help, and the rapist seems to be holding her life in his hands. Then the aggressor presents the victim with "candy": he demonstrates sincere repentance, gives gifts, talks about love.

Later, the beatings continue, but the victim is already on the hook: she remembers rare bright moments and even begins to sympathize with the aggressor. "He's good, I just bring him." Such a painful relationship, full of physical and psychological abuse, can drag on for many years.

Example 3: a violent boss or guru in religious sects

“He's tough, but fair,” you must have heard similar phrases. Relations with a superior tyrant, who occasionally indulge in praise, can also be a peculiar form of this psychological phenomenon. In such cases, the Corporate Stockholm Syndrome is said to be the corporate Stockholm Syndrome.

How to recognize Stockholm syndrome

There are no generally accepted diagnostic criteria that would identify Stockholm syndrome. This is largely due to the fact that this phenomenon is not an officially recognized disease or mental disorder. You will not find it in any authoritative psychiatric manual. The syndrome is seen rather as an unconscious strategy of What is Stockholm Syndrome for survival.

However, there are some general signs by which a victim of Stockholm Syndrome can be identified. Here they are Why Stockholm Syndrome Happens and How to Help.

• The understanding that a person shows to the rapist. "It was not him, it was the circumstances that forced him to do this."
• Position "I am guilty myself." The victim may reason like this: if I behave "correctly", the attitude towards me will change.
• Belief in the kindness of the aggressor. "He's good, just explosive in character."
• Feelings of pity for the tormentor. "He's like that because his father beat him as a child." "He's like that because society doesn't recognize his talent!"
• Self-deprecation, unconditional recognition of the power of the aggressor. "I am worth nothing without him." "Without him, I will be lost."
• Unwillingness to part with the rapist. After all, "He is kind to me", "He appreciates me."
• Unwillingness to cooperate with the community or the police in bringing the torturer to justice."No need to interfere in our relationship with strangers." "The police will just send him to jail without understanding, and he was kind to me, I don't want to be ungrateful."

How to help someone with Stockholm Syndrome

Here are some rules to help you get your victim out of a painful relationship.

1. Offer psychotherapy

Ideally, you can persuade the victim to go to a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you sort out what is happening on the shelves. Indicates what is happening to the person. Will make him think about the abnormality of the situation. This is the most effective way to get rid of.

If there is no opportunity for professional visits, try to nudge the victim into reflection yourself. In conversations, as if by accident, without pressure, mark important points. "You can't shout at people: it's disrespectful." "No one has the right to raise a hand against another person." Suggest reading an article on Stockholm Syndrome. Education is an important step towards breaking painful addiction.

2. Don't give advice or pressure

The victim of violence should have the right to make their own decisions. If you speak to a person from the position of “I know better what you should do,” you are just feeding their helplessness once again.

3. Listen, but don't judge

Being able to tell someone about your experiences sincerely and honestly, without fear of hearing “You are a fool yourself,” is critical. It helps a person get rid of unnecessary emotions and enable rational thinking.

4. Use the Socratic method

The ancient Greek philosopher believed: a person himself can realize what is happening to him if you ask him leading questions. Sincerely ask the victim how she sees the situation. How does he feel about this? What is the end of what is happening. Don't make statements or ratings. Just ask and listen.

5. Avoid polarization

Do not try to convince the person that the aggressor is a villain. This can lead to the opposite result: the victim is "polarized" - will be on the same side with the offender against the whole world.

6. Identify the hook that holds the Stockholm Syndrome and destroy it

Sometimes this hook is obvious. For example, a woman cannot end her relationship with her abusive husband simply because she believes she has nowhere to go. Or because she is afraid of losing the material benefits that the aggressor gives her in moments of good mood. Sometimes the hook is hidden deeper.

Help the victim identify exactly what need she is trying to satisfy in this painful relationship. Knowing what exactly is keeping the person close to the abuser is the first step to liberation.