Why we feel like our emotions are obvious to others

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The illusion of transparency and the spotlight effect make one think that all attention is focused only on us.

Think about how you felt speaking in public. For example, with a report at school or at a work conference. Most likely, you were sure that others could hear your heartbeat. That everyone notices your excitement and thinks you are a terrible speaker. Perhaps you even dreamed of sinking into the ground, just not to make yourself look like an idiot. But in fact, the listeners did not notice anything like that, and you simply fell victim to the illusion of transparency.

We're too wrapped up in our own experiences

Other people don't know what's going on in our heads. And although we understand everything with the mind, it is forgotten when we try to imagine their reaction. We are aware of our own feelings and think that they are clearly visible in our face, gestures and other signs - that we are "transparent" to others. And our self-centered view of the world is to blame for this.

It is difficult for us to go beyond our perception and look at everything from someone else's point of view.

Closely related to this illusion is another cognitive distortion - the spotlight effect. Only it does not affect thoughts and feelings, but actions and appearance. It makes us feel like everyone pays attention to how we look and what we do. The reason for this distortion is the same as for the illusion of transparency: we are so absorbed in our state that we can hardly imagine how others do not think about it.

And because of this, we misjudge people's reactions

The illusion of transparency affects us in a wide variety of situations. It seems to the person who has lied that those around him will easily see through his lies. Upset - that his mental suffering is noticeable to everyone around him. The one who ate something tasteless at a party - that the owners noticed his reaction.

During business negotiations, each side thinks that its motives and intentions are striking the eyes of the rest of the participants.

In order not to give out too much, everyone begins to hold back, and as a result, misunderstandings arise.

In personal communication, we are often offended that our desires were not guessed. For example, deciding whether to start a romantic relationship, or choosing where to dine together. We forget that the other person simply does not know what we want, according to our hints.

But this can be fought

Try to isolate yourself from your own perception so that self-centered distortion does not bother you. Think of yourself in the third person, look at yourself through someone else's eyes. And you will understand that your excitement is not so obvious.

If you're approaching someone you like or are going to perform in front of an audience, remind yourself of the illusion of transparency. Emotions overwhelming you are not as noticeable as you think - this cognitive distortion increases anxiety. And knowing about him will help you calm down.

After the talk, ask those you trust if they have noticed your concern, if they have guessed your doubts. And you will be convinced that you were simply attributing the knowledge of your innermost thoughts to the listeners.

But perhaps you have the opposite problem: you expect your feelings to be understood and responded to. Remind yourself that people around you may not know everything that is on your mind. Do not expect superpowers from them - ask directly.