How not to quarrel over money: tips for different occasions

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Don't let financial differences ruin your relationship with your significant other, parents, and friends.

Relationship with a partner

By and large, the person with whom you run a common household is the only one with whom you really need to discuss material issues. Most often, husbands and wives, roommates fall into this category. But there are also non-standard cases, for example, when two sisters live in a common house. It will also be wise to approach financial relations from a partnership point of view.

When money is in abundance, quarrels over them are unlikely to arise. Therefore, we will consider situations where spending has to be planned. There are several steps that can help you plan for the necessary expenses and eliminate most of the causes of fights.

Cost accounting

In order to move from unfounded accusations of unnecessary spending to a substantive conversation about the family budget, it is worth recording all expenses for several months, dividing them into groups. This can be done in an Excel spreadsheet or in the appropriate applications.

Analysis of expenses

Collect all expense records of both partners. Your goal is not to find out who is spending more or more thoughtlessly. You need to determine how much you are spending. At the same time, find out what are essential expenses, what are mandatory, but not vital expenses, and what is reasonable to include in the entertainment column.

In the process, show at least a little empathy: what seems like a stupid purchase to you can be an important need for your partner. But he must have really rational arguments in defense of his position.

Long term budget

A well-written financial plan helps to foresee all expenses and excludes situations when you have nothing to eat because of the purchase of new boots. It is necessary to make a forecast of expenses, and they should not exceed income.

In the budget, you allocate money in such a way that there is enough for everything you need and there is still left for pleasant spending.

Family money fund

There are several ways to accumulate family money. Some of them help to reduce the number of quarrels over finances, others only increase discord. However, there is no universal recipe, you need to focus on your specific pair.

Total budget

You put money in one drawer in your nightstand or in a shared bank account, and everyone spends as much as they need to. This method is not so bad as long as each of you is disciplined to stick to the budget and avoid unnecessary spending. Otherwise, quarrels cannot be avoided.

However, if both of you are able to control spending as part of a financial plan, then a shared budget will work. If at the end of the month there is some amount left in the nightstand, it can be divided in half. Everyone will spend this money at their own discretion or set aside for a personal large purchase.

Separate budget

Each of you receives your salary and spends it on your own, and you pay for common purchases in turns. Not the best plan to avoid fighting over money. Firstly, salaries can be different, and secondly, appetites can be different. And the grocery basket is not completely repeated from week to week. If you are not ready to divide the shelves in the refrigerator and put two meters for electricity, it will be difficult to fight for an equal contribution.

It's another matter when you don't really need an equal distribution of expenses. If you have a trusting relationship and you know that the partner will not hide part of the income, then the budget ideologically turns into a common one, the money is simply stored in different wallets.

Share budget

Each of the couple contributes part of the salary to a fund from which money will be taken for general needs. These can be equal amounts or some percentage of income. Exactly how much will be needed for general expenses - it is clear from the budget that you have drawn up earlier.

Accordingly, the funds from the fund go to food, utilities, household chemicals. The money remaining on your personal card can be spent on hobbies and entertainment without fear of condemnation.

Any kind of budget is good if both paired are adequate and can negotiate. But even ideal planning can break down, for example, on the opinion of one of the spouses that all of the partner's money is his money.

Relations with parents

Financial relationships with your parents depend on what kind of material participation they take in your life.

You are under 20 years old and dependent on your parents

The parents' opinion about where the money they earn goes will have to be reckoned with. However, options are possible here as well. If you are given a certain amount of pocket money, it is better to stipulate in advance that you can spend it anywhere.

Together, you will have to decide how you deal with the money from your side jobs. You can agree that you spend them at your own discretion. But if the parents' salaries are barely enough for basic necessities, then it may be worth contributing to the family budget.

In a word, until you are an independent financial unit, monetary issues will have to be resolved at the negotiating table. Moreover, it is better to use rational arguments in a conversation, rather than emotional ones.

You are completely self-sufficient

If you are not financially dependent on your parents and do not ask them for money with or without reason, it is worth discussing with them the issues of separation, and not where you spend your income. Just stop bringing up your salary, you are old enough for that.

Do you live with your parents

If you live with your parents, fights over money will periodically arise. Parents can easily think that you will not do without their help and advice, and in general this is true.

So that there are as few reasons for disputes over money as possible, be sure to participate in the general spending on the household and contribute your share for the communal flat and food. Moreover, your and parental contributions do not have to be equal. If you, for example, mine bitcoin, and your parents are having dinner by candlelight, the electricity bills are still on you.

You do not take money from your parents, but you live in their apartment or use their property

Much depends on the relationship in your family. But there are a million stories in which the official owners of the apartment considered it possible to come at any time without a call, rummage through things, control spending, the actions of children and, in general, behave as if they owned not only the apartment, but all its inhabitants with giblets. Here again, the issue of separation from parents is extremely important, because such behavior on their part is unacceptable.

If in this situation it is not an option to move out of the apartment, it is worth trying to conclude a rental agreement with the parents.

Use a sample document. Parents can enter there what they want to receive from you in return for using the apartment, albeit not materially, you are the conditions of the visit.

Don't expect fights to end right away. Most likely, first you will listen to a stream of accusations of all deadly sins and the fact that you do not love mommy. But your main task is to try to explain that the current situation is not entirely normal. However, you should be prepared for the fact that you may be asked to move out at any time, because the apartment is still not yours.

Relationships with friends

There are several cases in which money can come between you and your friends.

Debts

Popular wisdom says that one should not lend to friends and borrow from them. In fact, this does not affect the relationship in any way, if you comply with the agreements and return the money on time. And it is logical to expect the same from friends.

If for some reason you value your friend, but you know that he will not return the debt, listen to popular wisdom and do not lend him.

General business

And again we turn to the popular wisdom, which forbids having a common deal with friends. It did not arise from scratch: comrades really often quarrel over business and even become enemies because they cannot share something.

If you are ready to take a risk, do not neglect the services of a lawyer who will competently consolidate your business relationship on paper, prescribe the possible risks and responsibilities of partners for different occasions. Even if you trust each other tremendously, paperwork will keep each of you from the temptation to risk your friendship for personal gain.

Unfair sharing of expenses

In many companies, it is customary to pay for each other in turns or split the bill equally, which generally fits into the requirements of etiquette. But the harsh reality is making adjustments: the income of friends can be different. And if one ordered lobster, and the other ordered a salad of crab sticks, then questions may also arise about dividing the bill equally.

You don't have to sit with a calculator for an hour to calculate the share of each. But it is still better to divide the bill fairly.

Outcome

Money is often the cause of discord between people, but there is no surefire way to get rid of discord.

The main thing to consider is that quarrels over money are not necessarily related to income and expenses, although this sounds a little paradoxical.

Money is a powerful tool of control, a way to feel safe. It is possible that the husband does not allow his wife to spend money on the hairdresser, because he is afraid that she will become more beautiful and leave him, and the parents express their love through advice and reproaches.

Therefore, if the algorithmicization of financial processes did not help and there are no fewer quarrels, you need to dig deeper into the problem, perhaps with the help of a psychologist.