How not to fight over money with your soul mate

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Problems are different, but they are solved in the same way: calculations and negotiations.

You have different feelings about money

One of you grew up in a wealthy family and never knew the need, the other remembers from childhood what it means to sit on buckwheat until the paycheck. Now you are making enough or even a lot. But while your half with a calm soul spends money on things that are not essential, your heart is bleeding, because they could have been postponed.

What to do

This is a rare case where the compromise option will truly satisfy both. The budget for the month and year will help you. In it, you will record all the mandatory spending and even savings, which will reassure one of you. Well, the second will be able to shamelessly spend the money that you jointly allocate for pleasant purchases.

Your spouse spends a lot

You get about the same, but a week before your paycheck you still have money, and your partner runs out of money.

What to do

There is a fundamental difference between situations where your partner is too wasteful and when it only seems to you that he is spending too much. Cost accounting will help you distinguish one from the other. Keep track of your spending for at least a month, and this applies to both.

As a result, interesting things may become clear. For example, it turns out that the wasteful partner actually spends more because he buys groceries and household chemicals for the whole family.

The list of things to do is not the same for each of you. Keep this in mind when you reproach your spouse that you yourself get by with one bar of soap a year.

If the need for savings becomes obvious, the list of expenses will help you analyze the expenses and find out what you can save on.

Your partner earns little

It seems that men this claim is addressed more often, but women also often face it. There is not enough money, and one partner begins to reproach the other for not doing enough for the common good.

What to do

Too many factors are at work here, and talking on this issue is more important than counting. Be realistic: not everyone is born to make millions, no matter what the motivating quotes say. Moreover, no one should do this.

"To support a family", "to strive for more" - all this sounds beautiful, but rests on the desire and character of the person.

If your soul mate is content with what they have, value other qualities in her and take on earning money for yourself or look for another partner. Re-educating an adult is a thankless and meaningless occupation. Better spend that energy on something you get paid for.

Your partner earns a lot, but does not share

Your half has a good salary, but you live quite modestly. Attempts to urge your partner to generosity do not lead to anything, and you have to walk around with a smartphone of the penultimate model.

What to do

This is again a matter of agreements. In fact, if you are an adult capable person without burdensome circumstances in the form of maternity leave or something similar, no one is obliged to support you, this is a voluntary matter. On the other hand, relationships imply some kind of pooling of resources, including material ones. It is better to discuss the methods in advance. It can be:

• Overall budget. The income of both is kept in a nightstand or in one account, and each takes as much as necessary. In order not to quarrel, discuss large spending and try to be guided by common sense. Drawing up a long-term spending plan is a great help.
• Shared budget. For general spending, you throw off equally or give a certain part of the income as a percentage. Everyone spends the rest at their own discretion.

You have to beg your partner for money

For some reason, you are not working. For example, you are on parental leave or your partner told you: "Yes, stay at home, I can feed us." You fulfill your part of the agreements, but the partner has completely concentrated the cash flows in his hands, and you have to ask for money for bread and a pacifier for the baby, and then report back with checks.

What to do

The situation smacks of economic violence, so quarreling here is no longer effective. Of course, many couples live for years in a situation where one of the spouses does not work and seem happy, but not everyone succeeds. Surely when you were planning a maternity leave or a career as a housewife, the arrangements were different. Now you are in a completely dependent position, from which it is not easy to break out.

It is useless to quarrel, the control levers are still not in your hands. If the situation does not suit you, look for a source of income, save up and leave.

Your partner sits on your neck

Let's expand the situation from the previous example. You asked your half to quit your job and promised to support. However, your income has decreased, you are worried that you will not be able to feed your family, and therefore you have switched to austerity. And this translates into quarrels.

What to do

Communicate that the situation has changed, discuss new injections and make a general decision. Such a conversation does not make you look unfavorable; on the contrary, it allows you to solve the situation simply and without loss. And if not, why do you need a person next to you who is not ready to support you.

When you silently tighten the financial screws, you do not look like a savior, but an abuser.

The total income is not enough for the necessary

You both work, but even two salaries are not enough for the mandatory payments. As a result, free time is spent trying to find out who is to blame.

What to do

Both of you are nervous, and you are drawn to blame your partner in order to remove some of the responsibility from yourself. But this does not affect the amount of earnings. It is better to discuss how you should proceed. You can:

• reducing costs is real, even if the income is barely enough;
• change jobs;
• find another job.

In a relationship, there is no one who, by default, should take on the responsibility of providing for the family. And if you feel like your partner isn't trying hard enough, pay attention to what you are doing. Perhaps the potential is hidden in this direction.

You have different financial goals

You want to become the owner of factories, newspapers, ships, and your half is ready to be content with Khrushchev on the outskirts and no longer strain.

What to do

You are unlikely to be able to remake a person. As a last resort, he will feign commitment to your goals, but not for long. Negotiations will save you again, but this time you will have to communicate with yourself. Decide if you are ready to reach your goals alone, stay in a relationship, or find a more ideologically close partner.