What you should never talk about with your colleagues

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Nobody taught you that. Esquire editor Ross McCummon has written a witty, funny, and helpful book on interviews, office work, and communication with colleagues and clients. We are publishing an excerpt from "It's Their Way" about how to behave in meetings and what you definitely shouldn't tell your colleagues.

How to shut up in time

Esquire hosts a weekly production meeting where editors and designers discuss the current status of major projects. The point is that before the eyes of every leading editorial staff there should be an image of a certain “track station” at which he will have to be responsible for his current work. It is expected that the main answers from employees in meetings should be "Yes", "Wednesday" and "It's okay."

I didn't get it in my first months at Esquire. I believed that I should answer questions honestly and in detail. Therefore, in response to the question addressed to me, "How are things with such and such an article?" I began to explain, apologize and answer questions that I was not asked. I was bothering everyone in the conference room. I didn't know that I needed to say "Everything's fine" and then just shut up.

This is how to speak in production meetings.

1. Sh-sh-sh.
2. Sh-sh-sh.
3. Something.
4. Sh-sh-sh.

If you have already opened your mouth, then by all means you need to finish the sentence. Then stop. Otherwise, you speak and speak, hoping to increase your worth in front of your colleagues. But in vain. First, you prevent others from speaking out; second, the more you talk, the more likely you are to get lost and make yourself look unfavorable. At meetings (we are talking primarily about weekly production meetings of managers), you show your value by restraint in your statements, and not by talkativeness. And you should only say what you are firmly convinced of. Moreover, it is clear and convincing. And then shut up.

- How are things going with such and such a project?

- All perfectly.

That's all. Everyone is happy. You can go further.

But remember, if you say “everything is fine,” and it’s not, you may be asked later for misleading the manual. And this will become a problem for you. So only say “great” if everything is really great. Otherwise, use chameleon words like “good,” “going in the right direction,” etc. (This is a very common practice in workshops.)

The main thing here is that you must be 100% sure that everything is fine.

But what should never be done under any circumstances.

- How are things going with such and such a project?

- Well, you see …

Never start your phrases with "Well …" and "You see …". Leave that to the commanders of civilian planes ("You see, gentlemen, we just contacted the tower, and our situation is bad"). After the words "Well …" and "You see …" nothing good can be expected.

• - I met with …

  Nobody cares who you had a meeting with.

• - With my team …

  Oh, that's how, "with the team."

• - And we are determined …

  Good God, no one is interested in this!

I yawn, even typing this.

Do you really think that the meeting is being arranged in order to hear about you, your team, what you discussed with her, how she is doing, what she dreams of, etc.? My God, what a great team!

Here's a simple test: are you interested in what you are saying? No? Then stop. Albeit in a semi-phrase.

Brevity is an important asset. And the most underestimated tactic in workshops is silence.

What you should never say in a circle of colleagues

Sometimes I am told (mostly by magazine designers who are waiting for a decision from me) that I "bother" too much. “I think you’re just taking too long to think things over,” many of them say. This may be true, but I believe that the phrase “you take too long to think about the solution” should not be used in normal work. It seems to punish people for the fact that they approach their business or problem with increased attention, trying to achieve maximum results.

I think those who accuse others of thinking too long are themselves not very inclined to think seriously. This means that they have no serious thoughts.

Here are some examples of what you shouldn't say to your colleagues.

1. "I beg your pardon"

You might say, “I understand I was wrong. This will not happen again. And explain what you mean. But leave asking for forgiveness for your personal life. They usually have a purely emotional background.

Acknowledging the existence of the problem and demonstrating how you intend to fix the situation is much more valuable from a professional point of view.

2. "Do you understand what I said?"

People love to ask this question after their comments. If you have to do this, it means that you are either not sure of what you said, or you yourself do not understand what you said. And now you ask the other person to confirm the nonsense you just said.

3. "Let everything go as it goes"

Yeah, but how? If you think of this phrase as a reflection of the laws of existence, you will end up lighting a cigarette while jumping off a cliff. We all need to abandon this stereotype once and for all. It doesn't mean anything. This is a mantra for idiots.

4. "There is a reason for everything."

See "Let Things Go As They Go."

5. "May I be distracted by coffee?"

Can I distract you with coffee? Can I distract you for lunch? Can I distract you for five minutes? Can you distract me for five minutes? It all depends on what it is for.

And will you really distract me for five minutes or will this be just the beginning? Can I distract you too? Distraction is an act of aggression towards others. And it implies that the person who requires you to "get distracted" either does not believe in a serious conversation with you, or is not ready for it himself. We need to do something together, not get distracted. Have lunch together. Meet for a conversation. To drink coffee.

6. "I had a dream yesterday"

So, let me remember … It seems that we were in the office, but it seems that we were not in the office … There was also this little man … No, not a dwarf, just a small one … And he had a cake in his hands, on which it was written … I forgot what … But there was also some kind of pop star.

Telling colleagues about dreams is the most boring thing after discussing the new version of the JavaScript programming language and complaining about a hangover. By the way…

7. "I feel so bad after yesterday …"

Nobody wants to hear complaints about your hangover. Even you yourself.

8. "I feel like …"

At work, you can think. But you shouldn't feel.

9. "Stop telling me that I've been thinking too long about the question."

Chances are you actually do this.