10 phrases you should never say to your child

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

They can ruin the life of your son or daughter.

There are words that should be spoken whenever there is a reason for it. These are, for example, words of support, praise and sympathy. There are words that need to be used with caution, such as words of judgment. And there are phrases that should never be uttered. We will talk about them today.

1. Don't be silly

Synonyms: "Don't talk nonsense", "Stop talking nonsense."

Why not … Children, unlike adults, never say "nonsense." Everything that the little man decided to tell you is important to him, no matter how funny or ridiculous it may seem to you. With these phrases, you let your child know that his words are not important to you. Do not be surprised later that the child has secrets so early.

What in return … Instead of dismissing your child, listen to him. If the baby talks about some of his discoveries, rejoice with him. If about a problem, try to find a solution.

2. Take it, just leave it alone

Synonyms: "Hold and leave me alone", "Take and don't bother me anymore."

Why not … Worst way to give in to a child's demands. Not only do you give him a handout, in return he must also disappear from your life. Children very quickly begin to take advantage of the opportunity to get what they want in this way. And then the parents are surprised: where did the alienation come from?

What in return … No one can refuse a child all the time, and this is not required. Even if you just get rid of the word "leave me alone", it will already be much better.

3. You can’t, give me better

Synonyms: "You won't succeed", "Leave it alone, you still won't be able to."

Why not … Even denying the right to try, you instill in the child a sense of your own helplessness, doom him to failure. The result is called in psychology "learned helplessness" - when a person is sure in advance of his inability to do or change something.

What in return … If you see that the kid is taking on an overwhelming task for him, then it would be best to say: "Let me help you." Or let him help you. If this is also impossible, for example, a child is eager to repair the electrical wiring, explain that it is dangerous.

4. Other children can, but you can not

Synonyms: the word “know how” can have many variants (they obey, they study well, they did it, they know, they have achieved something).

Why not … By making your child feel worse than others, you create an inferiority complex. Some people think that in this way the baby has a motive to get better. But even with adults, this tactic doesn't always work. As for the child, this is a very bad motivator.

What in return … Sigmund Freud is credited with saying: “The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past. And the only person you should be better than you is now. Freud's authorship is doubtful, but this is exactly the principle that should be guided.

5. My eyes would not see you

Synonyms: "Get out of sight", "I don't want to see you."

Why not … These words signal to the child that neither he nor his problems are needed by the parents. Sometimes parents in this way try to avoid the brewing conflict, but avoidance will not solve the problem, but will only aggravate it.

What in return … You need to listen to children, help them. And in conflict situations that are inevitable, apply other methods.

6. * Obscene language *

Synonyms: everyone knows them.

Why not … We will not open a discussion about the admissibility (necessity, value) of mate in speech. You don't show your child private parts, do you? That's all.

What in return … In 99% of cases, such words can be easily replaced with decent analogs or simply excluded from speech.

7. If not for you, then …

Synonyms: "And why did I give birth to you", "It would be better if I had an abortion."

Why not … Such phrases form a guilt complex. The child learns that his very existence makes the parents bad, hurts. This is a very traumatic experience for the child's psyche.

What in return … Such thoughts are a reason to understand yourself. You blame the child for your own failures and failure. Think about it well.

8. You're bad

Synonyms: "You are evil", "You are stupid", "You are naughty."

Why not … Children trust their parents' assessments very much. When distributing such characteristics, be prepared that the child will learn them and will correspond to them. This means low self-esteem and possible future problems.

What in return … Instead of "you are bad" - "you did a bad thing." Not "you are stupid," but "this is the wrong decision." By evaluating not the child, but the actions, you give him the opportunity and incentive to become better.

9. I don't love you

Synonyms: "If you do something or do not do something, then I will not love you."

Why not … Parental love should be unconditional. The threat of losing it is tantamount to a threat to life. After all, do you really not love your child? Then why tell him this terrible lie?

What in return … Same as applies to the next item.

10. I'll leave you

Synonyms: "I'll leave it here", "I'll give it to my uncle."

Why not … Parents are the most important people for a child. His life depends on them; without a mother, a child cannot imagine his existence. That's why these phrases are so effective … at first. The child very quickly ceases to perceive any empty threats. But for a neurosis to form, there will be enough time.

What in return … Anything. Seriously. Even the threat of physical punishment - usually a lousy parenting method - is better than the threat to quit or stop loving. But it is even better to build a relationship with your child that is not based on fear and punishment. This is not an easy task, but the result is worth it.

As you understood, it is not the words as such that are important, the attitude of the parents towards the child, which is behind these words, is important. And even more important is the behavior of mom and dad. Therefore, it is not enough to give up bad words; you have to give up bad deeds.