10 Steps to Emotional Resilience

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

American psychiatrists Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney have identified several qualities common to all emotionally stable people who have experienced difficult life trials. The results of their research will help you learn how to cope with the worst shocks.

How do people manage to survive psychological trauma? How do others show remarkable resilience in situations where some feel like lying down and dying? Stephen Southwick and Dennis Charney have studied tough people for 20 years.

They spoke with Vietnamese prisoners of war, special forces instructors and those facing serious health problems, violence and injuries. They collected their discoveries and conclusions in the book Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.

1. Be optimistic

Yes, the ability to see the bright sides supports. Interestingly, in this case we are not talking about "pink glasses". Truly persistent people who have to go through the most difficult situations and still go to the goal (prisoners of war, special forces soldiers), know how to strike a balance between a positive forecast and a realistic view of things.

Realistic optimists take into account negative information that is relevant to the current problem. However, unlike pessimists, they do not dwell on it. As a rule, they quickly abstract from the currently unsolvable problems and concentrate all their attention on those that can be solved.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

And it's not just Southwick and Charney who have identified this feature. When American journalist and writer Laurence Gonzales studied the psychology of survivors of extreme situations, he found the same thing: they balance between a positive attitude and realism.

A logical question arises: how the hell do they do this? Gonzalez realized that the difference between such people is that they are realists, confident in their abilities. They see the world as it is, but they believe that they are rock stars in it.

2. Look fear in the eye

Neurology says the only real way to deal with fear is to look it in the eye. This is exactly what emotionally stable people do. When we avoid scary things, we become even more scared. When we face fears face to face, we stop being afraid.

To get rid of the memory of fear, you need to experience that fear in a safe environment. And the exposure must be long enough for the brain to form a new connection: in this environment, the stimulus that causes fear is not dangerous.

The researchers hypothesize that fear suppression results in increased activity in the prefrontal cortex and inhibition of fear responses in the amygdala.

This method has been shown to be effective when used to treat anxiety disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder and phobias. Its essence is that the patient is forced to face fear.

Special Forces medic and instructor Mark Hickey believes that dealing with fears helps you to understand them, keeps them in good shape, develops courage, and enhances self-esteem and control over the situation. When Hickey is scared, he thinks, "I'm scared, but this challenge will make me stronger."

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

3. Set up your moral compass

Southwick and Charney found that emotionally stable people have a highly developed sense of right and wrong. Even in a life-threatening situation, they always thought of others, not just themselves.

During the interviews, we realized that many tough personalities had a keen sense of right and wrong, which strengthened them during times of intense stress and when they came back to life after shocks. Selflessness, caring for others, helping without expecting reciprocal benefits for oneself - these qualities are often the core of the value system of such people.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

4. Turn to spiritual practices

The main feature that unites people who were able to survive the tragedy.

Dr. Amad discovered that religious belief is a powerful force that survivors use to explain both tragedy and their survival.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

But what if you are not religious? No problem.

The positive effect of religious activity is that you become part of the community. So you don’t have to do anything that you don’t believe in, you just need to become part of the group that builds your resilience.

The link between religion and resilience can be explained in part by the social dimensions of religious life. The word "religion" comes from the Latin religare - "to bind." People who regularly attend religious services gain access to a deeper form of social support than is available in a secular society.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

5. Know how to provide and accept social support

Even if you are not part of a religious or other community, friends and family can support you. When Admiral Robert Shumaker was captured in Vietnam, he was isolated from other captives. How did he keep his composure? Knocked on the wall of the cell. The prisoners in the next cell knocked back. Ridiculously simple, however, it was this tapping that reminded them that they were not alone in their suffering.

During his 8 years in prisons in North Vietnam, Shamaker used his sharp mind and creativity to develop a unique method of tapping communication known as the Tap Code. This was the turning point, thanks to which dozens of prisoners were able to contact each other and survive.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

Our brains need social support to function optimally. When you interact with others, oxytocin is released, which soothes the mind and reduces stress levels.

Oxytocin reduces the activity of the amygdala, which explains why support from others reduces stress.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

And it is necessary not only to receive help from others, but also to provide it. Dale Carnegie said: "You can make more friends in two months than in two years if you are interested in people, and not try to interest them in yourself."

However, we cannot always be surrounded by loved ones. What to do in this case?

6. Imitate strong personalities

What supports children who grow up in miserable conditions, but continue to live normal, fulfilling lives? They have role models that set and support positive examples.

Emmy Werner, one of the first psychologists to study resilience, observed the lives of children who grew up in poverty, in dysfunctional families, where at least one parent was alcoholic, mentally ill, or prone to violence.

Werner found that emotionally tough children who became productive, emotionally healthy adults had at least one person in their lives who truly supported them and was a role model.

In our study, we found a similar connection: many people we interviewed said that they have a role model - a person whose beliefs, attitude and behavior inspire them.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

Sometimes it is difficult to find someone among friends whom you would like to be like. This is fine. Southwick and Charney have found that it is often enough to have a negative example in front of your eyes - someone you never want to be like.

7. Keep fit

Time and time again Southwick and Charney found that the most emotionally resilient people had a habit of keeping their bodies and minds in good shape.

Many of the people we interviewed were regularly involved in sports and believed that being in good physical shape helped them in difficult situations and while recovering from injury. She even saved lives for some.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

Interestingly, staying fit is more important for emotionally fragile people. Why?

Because the stress of exercise helps us adapt to the stress we will experience when life challenges us.

Researchers believe that during active aerobic exercise, a person is forced to experience the same symptoms that appear in moments of fear or excitement: rapid heart rate and breathing, sweating. Over time, a person who continues to exercise intensively may get used to the fact that these symptoms are not dangerous, and the intensity of the fear caused by them will gradually decrease.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

8. Train your mind

No, we are not encouraging you to play a couple of logic games on your phone. Unbending people learn throughout their lives, constantly enrich their minds, strive to adapt to new information about the world around them.

In our experience, resilient people are constantly looking for opportunities to maintain and develop their mental abilities.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

By the way, in addition to perseverance, the development of the mind has many more advantages.

Cathie Hammond, in her 2004 study at the University of London, concluded that ongoing learning has a complex positive effect on mental health: it provides well-being, the ability to recover from psychological trauma, the ability to resist stress, developed self-esteem. and self-sufficiency and much more. Continuous learning developed these qualities by pushing boundaries - a process that is central to learning.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

9. Develop cognitive flexibility

Each of us has a way in which we usually deal with difficult situations. But the most emotionally resilient people are distinguished by the fact that they use several ways to cope with difficulties.

Resilient people are usually flexible - they look at problems from different perspectives and react to stress in different ways. They do not adhere to only one method of dealing with difficulties. Instead, they switch from one coping strategy to another depending on the circumstances.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

What is the surest way to overcome difficulties that definitely works? To be tough? No. Ignore what is happening? No. Everyone mentioned humor.

There is evidence that humor can help you overcome difficulties. Studies with war veterans, cancer patients and surgical survivors have shown that humor can reduce stress, and is associated with resilience and stress tolerance.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

10. Find the meaning of life

Resilient people have no job - they have a calling. They have a mission and purpose that give meaning to everything they do. And in difficult times, this goal pushes them forward.

According to the Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's theory that work is one of the pillars of the meaning of life, being able to see a vocation in your work increases emotional stability. This is true even for people who do low-skilled work (for example, cleaning women in a hospital), and for people who have failed to do their chosen job.

"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Trials"

Summary: What Can Help Build Emotional Resilience

1. Feed optimism. Do not deny reality, see the world clearly, but believe in your capabilities.
2. Look your fears in the eye. By hiding from fear, you make the situation worse. Look him in the face and you can step over him.
3. Set up your moral compass. A developed sense of right and wrong tells us what to do and pushes us forward, even when our strength is running out.
4. Become part of a group that strongly believes in something.
5. Provide and accept social support: even tapping through the wall of the camera is supportive.
6. Try to follow a role model, or, on the contrary, keep in mind the person you do not want to become.
7. Exercise: Physical activity adapts the body to stress.
8. Learn all your life: your mind needs to be in good shape to make the right decisions when you need them.
9. Deal with difficulties in different ways and remember to laugh even in the most dire situations.
10. Give your life meaning: you must have a calling and a purpose.

We often hear about PTSD, but rarely about PTSD. But it is. Many people who have been able to overcome difficulties become stronger.

Within a month, 1,700 people who survived at least one of these horrible events passed our tests. To our surprise, people who survived one terrible event were stronger (and therefore more prosperous) than those who did not survive one. Those who had to endure two difficult events were stronger than those who had one. And those people who had three horrific experiences in their lives (for example, rape, torture, unwilling restraint) were stronger than those who survived two.

“The path to prosperity. A new understanding of happiness and well-being Martin Seligman

It seems that Nietzsche was right when he said, "Anything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And one of the interlocutors of Southwick and Charney said this: "I am more vulnerable than I thought, but much stronger than I ever imagined."