3 Steps to Developing Emotional Intelligence in a Relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

The ability to understand emotions and express them correctly is a prerequisite for a strong and harmonious union. This is the point from family counselor Ellen Schrier and offers three tips for developing emotional intelligence in relationships.

Happy couples face roughly the same problems as unhappy ones, the only difference is how they react to difficulties, says family counselor Ellen Schreier. Thus, she claims, harmonious unions from destructive ones are distinguished by the level of development of emotional intelligence in partners.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and recognize one's own and other people's feelings, as well as the ability to manage them.

In this case, managing emotions does not mean manipulating or suppressing negative experiences. On the contrary, avoiding strong emotions can only worsen relationships, and any manipulation can alienate people from each other.

Negative emotions such as anger, fear, or pain serve as signals of relationship problems. Finding the roots of these problems and solving them requires acknowledging, understanding, and expressing your feelings without criticism, guilt, or judgment. This is where emotional intelligence comes in.

Schreier suggests developing this useful quality in yourself in three steps.

1. Make friends with your feelings

Determine how you feel and what triggered your feelings. This can take time and loneliness. Use them to fully weather the inner storm. Just don't shut yourself off from negative emotions. Remember, they don't determine how good a person you are.

At the same time, try to analyze what triggered your reaction, whether you have experienced something similar before. It is likely that the problem lies not in a specific situation, but in an established pattern of behavior, a mental trauma received earlier, or something else.

2. Calm down

Negative emotions make it difficult to objectively assess the situation. By experiencing them, you may become more critical or defensive than usual. Therefore, before returning to discussing the problem, relax your mind and body. Books, music, walking, meditation, or any other activity that can restore your peace of mind will be good helpers here.

3. (Po) return to partner

Once you've become aware of your feelings and calmed down, you can start a more productive conversation. During it, express your needs in an affirmative but non-aggressive way. Try to listen to your partner without interrupting. Also try to understand and accept his feelings.

If you feel negative emotions coming back, don't provoke or support the conflict. Better take another break for reflection.

By solving problems in this way, partners become allies, not opponents. They feel that, despite difficulties and negative emotions, each is trying to maintain this relationship and understand the other. As a result, a positive emotional climate is created in a couple, which is necessary for a feeling of closeness, contentment and happiness.