How to develop resilience: 5 principles from a professor of psychology

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

This will help you withstand loss, trauma and other vicissitudes of life.

Most people have traumatic experiences at least once in their lives, such as the death of a loved one or a dangerous situation. However, trauma may not always be associated only with issues of life and death. A difficult parting with a loved one, the loss of a job or the collapse of your own business, a serious illness can also cause acute stress, which is very difficult to cope with.

Resilience is the ability to cope with these situations while maintaining performance and inner balance. Traditionally, there are three components of resilience:

1. Involvement - satisfaction with your life, the ability to make decisions on your own.
2. Control - the ability to avoid helplessness, understanding the cause-and-effect relationships between events.
3. Risk taking.

George Bonanno, professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, has done several studies trying to understand what resilience depends on. He came to the conclusion that we endure serious short-term problems and less severe, but long-term crises in the same way. Explaining the differences in how people cope with traumatic experiences, Bonanno stated that resilience depends on many factors - some of which are quite unexpected, such as educational level. At the same time, the professor believes that the ability to adequately take life's blows can be developed in oneself.

The life hacker has collected five basic principles, adhering to which it is easier to endure stress and unhappiness.

1. Not everything in life can be controlled

Most people have the mechanisms needed to cope with the consequences of traumatic events. Thus, 65% of the Americans surveyed by psychologists who suffered in one way or another from the terrorist attack on September 11, 2001, coped with the stress after six months.

So you are probably more resilient than you think.

However, when faced with unhappiness, some people fall into a vicious circle: feeling pain and stress, they painfully reflect on what they did wrong and what should have been done, which only worsens their condition. This behavior will not improve the situation in any way and will not contribute to the development of your resilience.

To get out of this situation, you need to figure out what depends on you right now. You cannot change the past, but you can act in the present. And even if you are stumped and unable to influence the circumstances, you can still change yourself. This, for example, was the opinion of the Austrian psychologist and prisoner of the Nazi concentration camp Viktor Frankl.

2. Maintaining social connections is vital

Not only do many of the events that take place defy control, but also some of the factors that affect our ability to withstand life's storms. Among them are our past experiences, such as childhood experiences. However, one of the most important factors in resilience depends a lot on us: it is communication with other people.

When a load of problems, the pain of loss, or any other negative feeling weighs on you, social contact becomes especially important. Often in difficult moments you want to withdraw into yourself and isolate yourself from the whole world: not to communicate with anyone and not to see anyone.

Remember that not only will it not help you cope with your worries, but it can also exacerbate stress.

Social support is one of the most important factors in maintaining composure in all situations and in coping with problems more easily. Therefore, meet, call or at least correspond with loved ones, especially those with whom you can share your experiences, from whom you are ready to ask for advice or help.

3. There is nothing wrong with talking about your pain

This principle is largely related to the previous one, because in order to share your pain even with a loved one, sometimes you have to make a huge effort on yourself. However, as follows from another study in which Bonanno took part, the most resistant individuals are not afraid to talk about what worries them. The psychologist and his colleagues came to this conclusion after studying how people overcome the grief of losing a spouse over a long period of time. The researchers communicated with them twice: six months and a year and a half after the tragedy.

It is important not only to be able to share your pain and get support, but also to be able to accept the negative, come to terms with it. A clear understanding of what happened gives the person a sense of control over their own life. This, in turn, sends us back to the first principle: think only about what is amenable to our influence.

4. It is easier to get over the problem if it is perceived as a test

An effective strategy for overcoming difficult circumstances can be a change in the view of the situation. It's called cognitive reappraisal. For example, an illness or injury that requires a long recovery can be viewed as a continuous darkness and the end of the world, or as a test.

Understanding what a difficult situation can teach you helps you not only cope with stress more easily, but also better deal with negativity in the future. The main thing is that it really should be a deliberate practice, and not empty optimism.

5. A person exists only because he knows how to adapt

There is no strategy that is equally applicable for getting out of any problem situation. Some people can easily endure economic turmoil, but it is hard to suffer from trouble on the personal front. Others do the opposite. Still others do poorly with both those and other difficulties.

Therefore, Bonanno calls adaptability an important skill that distinguishes a resilient person. If something did not work out, then you need to try to do it differently. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to be a universal soldier: a resilient one is not one who comes out with a calm air from any situation. Sometimes it is the one who is able to overcome the problem with the least loss.

In addition to the factors listed above, Bonanno also highlights the desire for self-improvement, the presence of positive emotions and regular laughter. Together, this can help you get through a difficult period in life. But if you feel that you are not getting better, you have suicidal thoughts and there is a feeling of loss of control over yourself, be sure to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.