7 signs that will help you recognize a sworn friend

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

They cannot bear your success and can ruin your life.

The person you consider a friend can harm you: undermine your self-esteem, overwhelm you, and hinder your development. In English, there is a name for such people - frenemies, other enemies. They can also be called ambivalent, or sworn, friends. Let's figure out how you can recognize them.

How sworn friends behave

Psychologists describe several key features.

1. They can't be happy for you

If something bad happens, the sworn friend will most likely come to the rescue: he will listen, sympathize, and begin to scold the people who have offended you. But as soon as the dark streak ends and you share your successes and joys, in return you will receive, at best, a sour smile and a handful of tortured, formal words. And then the sworn friend will try to hush up the conversation as soon as possible or switch to something else.

- Imagine, I still found a job! Very cool company, and the salary is higher than mine now!

- Yeah, cool, congratulations. Have you heard that self-isolation has been canceled?

Your success and joy are unbearable for such a “friend”. But he can talk about his achievements for hours and with great pleasure.

2. They criticize you and devalue you

They give you to understand that you look and dress badly, your salary is small, your hobbies are not serious, and you have chosen not the best partner.

• "Here, in this jacket your belly does not catch the eye, buy it."

• “How much, you say, will you get now? 50 thousand? Well, at least something, well done."

  Moreover, they often do this in a veiled form, in the form of advice and pseudo-compliments - so that nothing seems offensive, but after communication you feel miserable and worthless.

  3. They joke offensively

  Their statements over and over again ridicule your peculiarities and problems, hit right in the pain points and spoil the mood.

  • “I don’t understand which of you two is pregnant: you or your wife?”

  • “Look, what a funny picture with a monkey. Looks like you when you don't get enough sleep."

    If you are worried about being overweight, your "friend" will constantly humor that you eat a lot, if you suffer from loneliness - get ready for jokes about 40 cats. And all this is served under the guise of good and harmless humor. And if you try to be indignant, you will hear that everything was misunderstood and, in general, "I was just kidding."

    4. They prevent you from changing

    As soon as you think about changing something in yourself and your life, starting an ambitious project, taking up a new hobby, you will definitely be given to understand that this is a waste of time.

    • “Well, no, emigration is very long and difficult, you cannot cope. And in general, where he was born, there he came in handy."
    • "You don't need this camera, anyway photography is not yours."

    • “Why change your profession if everything is fine anyway? Do not invent and work like everyone else."

      Instead of support and help, you will receive skepticism, ridicule, criticism, and indifference - sometimes under the guise of genuine concern. Of course, this will shake off your confidence and inspiration: it is difficult to get down to business, and even more so to bring it to the end, if they tell you that you cannot cope and, in general, the idea is stupid.

      5. They pull the blanket over themselves

      They talk only about their problems and successes, constantly demand attention to themselves, take offense if they do not receive it. You discuss mainly those topics that are of interest to the "friend", go wherever he wants, see what he has chosen, and so on.

      But your desires and needs are treated without much enthusiasm, you receive attention and support on a leftover basis. And you can't get rid of the feeling that a friend is such a star, shining in the spotlight, and you are playing third-rate roles.

      6. They are trying to harm you

      This, of course, is already an extreme degree of ambivalent relations, but it also happens that a friend gossips about you behind your back, tries to set you up and ruins your life in every possible way. He can say nasty things about you to common acquaintances, denigrate you in the eyes of employers, slowly hate on the Internet from fake accounts, and so on.

      7. Friendship is not fun

      Nothing catastrophic seems to happen, but after communication, you constantly feel empty, depressed and disappointed. Your self-esteem decreases, you believe in yourself less, you doubt yourself more often, you feel incapable of anything.

      Why do people call themselves friends but act like enemies?

      Psychologists believe that sometimes this is a manifestation of natural competition for people, and sometimes - self-doubt. The sworn friend is actually very afraid that you will overshadow him with your successes, and against your background he will feel not smart enough, handsome, enterprising, charismatic.

      He doubts himself, does not feel interesting enough, bright and competent - therefore he envies and tries to suppress those in whom he sees a threat. To assert themselves at the expense of the "less successful" and feel better against their background.

      Basically, this is not a cold-blooded calculation - "I will pretend that I am friends with him, but I myself will ruin his life" - and the person does not fully realize that he is behaving unfriendly.

      What to do if a friend is toxic

      You will have to answer your questions:

      1. What good does this friendship bring you?
      2. Does that good outweigh all the negativity you get?
      3. Do you need such a relationship and can you do without it?

      If, in general, you are good with a person, and evil jokes and passive aggression do not hurt you very much, you can maintain at least friendly relations. Set boundaries, tell a friend why his behavior is unpleasant for you, agree on what you can and cannot tell each other.

      But if comments, criticism and depreciation hit you hard, harm your self-esteem, mental and physical condition (by the way, due to communication with ambivalent friends, a person may even have increased blood pressure), it is better to gradually limit the relationship with such a person, at least for time.