How to help a friend who is contemplating suicide

1. Learn to recognize alarms

If you notice them in a friend in time, you can save his life. Here's what to look out for first.

Suicidal thoughts

They usually include two or more types of the following thought patterns:

Obsessive fixation on some thought.
The belief that there is no hope, and that you can get rid of pain only by leaving life.
The belief that existence is meaningless or uncontrollable.
Feeling that the brain is as if in a fog and it is impossible to concentrate.

Suicidal emotions

Here are the most common ones:

Sudden mood swings.
Feelings of loneliness and isolation even in the presence of others.
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness, shame, self-loathing, the feeling that no one cares.
Sadness, isolation, fatigue, apathy, anxiety, irritability.

Trigger Phrases

They are usually in tune with suicidal thoughts and moods:

Life is not worth all this suffering.
You (or another loved one) will be better off without me.
Don't worry, I'll be gone when you have to deal with this.
You will regret it when I am gone.
Soon I will stop getting confused under everyone's feet.
Soon I will no longer be a burden to everyone.
I just can't deal with it, and why?
There is nothing I can do to change something.
I have no choice.
I'd rather die.
It would be better for me not to be born at all.

Sudden improvement in mood

Many who dare to commit suicide commit this act precisely when it seems from the outside that they feel better. The final decision relieves them and they appear calm. If you notice such an abrupt change in your friend's state, do everything immediately to prevent a suicide attempt (more on that later).

Unusual behavior

Those who think about suicide tend to have behavioral changes. Be wary if you notice several of these signs:

Decreased performance in school, work, and other activities.
Social isolation.
Lack of interest in sex, friends, and anything that used to be enjoyable.
Indifference to your health and appearance.
Changing eating habits. First of all, pay attention to the extremes: fasting, eating harmful food for a person, stopping taking medications (the latter is especially important for the elderly).
Lethargy and withdrawal.

Signs of a finished plan

If a person already has a plan, then a suicide attempt may happen very soon. It is worth worrying if, in addition to your suicidal thoughts and phrases, you notice the following:

A person sums up the results, for example, says goodbye to relatives, distributes valuables, makes a will.
Your friend makes rash or passive decisions about important things. For example, home sales, career sales and everything related to his future.

2. Talk about the situation

There is an opinion that the mention of suicide can lead a person to think about it, but this is a myth. If you talk openly with your friend, it will be easier for him to see other options for solving the problem.

Find a comfortable environment

The conversation is likely to be very difficult, especially for your friend. Note that he may feel guilty and ashamed of his intention. Start a conversation where nothing will distract you. Ideally, in a relaxed, familiar environment.

Touch the topic of suicide

Start by asking questions like this:

How do you deal with everything that has fallen on you?
Does it happen that you just want to give up?
Do you often think about death?
Don't you think about hurting yourself?
Have you tried this before?

Speak openly and clearly

Avoid general phrases that may seem accusatory (“You keep saying that life has become impossible”). Be specific, for example: “In the past few months, I've noticed that you are no longer happy with the things that used to lift your spirits. You stopped spending time with children. Show that you brought up this conversation to show concern.

Perhaps at first the interlocutor will act bewildered or laugh at your words. However, if you notice serious alarm calls, do not let him turn the conversation to another topic.

Do not judge

It may seem to you that your friend is wrong in assessing events, that everything is not so scary for him. Remind yourself that you cannot fully understand what is going on inside him.

Forget the popular belief in society that suicide is the outlet of selfish, crazy or immoral people. Suicidal thoughts are the result of a medical condition that is treatable and in which your friend is not to blame.

Don't use phrases that can hurt

Your point of view does not necessarily help the person see their problems differently. It may seem like you just don't take them seriously. So don't use phrases like "It's not that bad."

Also, avoid statements that provoke feelings of guilt, such as, "You have so many reasons to live," or "Think how your death will upset your family and friends." Instead, show compassion and say, "It must really be very difficult for you to have these thoughts."

Listen and show empathy

This conversation should give your friend a feeling of love and support. Try to put yourself in his shoes and listen without criticism. Make eye contact and show openness with your body language.

Words of encouragement and encouragement are important, but let the other person talk first. Don't interrupt him. After he has spoken out, express your point of view. Mention that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Assure that you and other loved ones will help you find alternative ways out of the situation.

Let your friend know that you love him and that he is an important part of your life. Emotional support at such a time is a very important incentive to move on.

3. Take protective measures

It is very important to discuss the situation and support with kind words, but it is not enough. If you feel that your friend is serious, take immediate action.

Find out if your friend has remedies to harm himself and try to eliminate them

Ask as calmly as possible, without judgment. This is very important to find out. If the person already has a plan and the means to execute it, then the situation is even more serious than you thought, and you need to act urgently.

Check if your friend has access to weapons or medicine. Try to remove them. If a doctor-directed friend is taking any medication that can be used for suicide, offer to pick it up and personally dispense the required daily dose.

Offer to be in touch in case of emergency

Agree to have a friend call you if they feel like they can't fight themselves. Explain what you will do in this case. For example, come to him or seek professional help.

Be clear about when and how often you can be in touch before offering help. Do not make any promises that you cannot fulfill.

If you feel that your friend is in danger right now, do not leave him alone. Call an ambulance and stay with him until the doctors arrive.

Offer ongoing support

For example, arrange to have regular phone calls or text messages to check on how a friend is doing. Dedicate more time to common hobbies, go somewhere together. This will make the person feel that they are important to you. This is necessary to combat depression, which often becomes the cause of suicidal thoughts.

4. Get outside help

You are not a therapist and you don't have to be. Your task is to show concern for your friend and be with him. Most likely, in order to return the desire to live, you will need professional help.

Suggest seeing a psychotherapist

If the person is depressed, regular communication with a therapist to discuss suicidal thoughts and their triggers can prevent suicide attempts. This is especially important for those who have tried to commit suicide before. These people have an increased risk of retry, and psychotherapy reduces it by almost 50%.

Call an ambulance or support hotline

If your friend continues to talk about suicide, and even more so hints that he will commit it in the near future, do not try to cope alone. He needs qualified medical help. Call an ambulance, according to the law, a person can be hospitalized if he is going to harm himself.

If there is no immediate threat to life, but the desire to commit suicide still persists, call one of the psychological hotlines. They can help those who are thinking about suicide and those close to them.

Get the support of others

Love and care can help a person see their life differently. In addition, if people from the immediate environment know what words and moods to pay attention to, they will not miss the alarm bells. Naturally, speak only to those whom you fully trust and who can really help.

Don't forget to take care of yourself

Helping another to cope with such a serious problem is very difficult. For loved ones, this is stressful and takes a lot of energy. Therefore, watch your own emotional and physical condition. Don't keep everything to yourself, discuss your feelings with people you trust. This will help you cope with the situation more easily.