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2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 06:26
Wait a little longer or take matters into your own hands. Just don't overdo it.
You have been together for several years, but you do not discuss a joint future, do not make plans, and your partner constantly jokes when you bring up the topic of a wedding? The man has reasons for this, and you have the opportunity to make a difference.
Why the partner does not call for marriage
1. He has no money for the wedding
The man may have heard from you: "I dream of the perfect wedding, I want a dress from Vera Wong, a ring from Tiffany and a visiting ceremony in the Maldives." Of course, this is your right, but the partner may not be ready for such expenses.
2. He is afraid
Men can be scared too. He is afraid of responsibility, does not want to lose his freedom, turn into a sad family man and lose friends. He is afraid that the passion between you will fade away, and intimate life will come to naught. In the end, he is afraid that he will not be able to provide for his family and give you everything you need.
3. He has a traumatic experience
Your beloved has no living example of a happy marriage. His parents are divorced, and there are many broken couples among his friends. And he does not understand why he should get involved in all this.
4. His previous marriage was unsuccessful
The man simply does not want to repeat the mistake, so he is in no hurry to tie the knot again.
5. He denies the institution of marriage
The stamp in the passport means nothing to him. He is satisfied with the current state of affairs, and he does not see the point in empty formality.
6. He is not sure of his own choice
Here the problem can be both in each of you and in the relationship as a whole. Understatement, frequent quarrels, or, for example, radically different views on the future. Because of all this, the partner does not see you in the role of the wife. Or maybe he doesn't love at all. It is convenient for him to be with you, but not enough to take a serious step.
7. He doesn't want to get married now
He thinks about the wedding, but it is not a priority. He wants to build a career, buy an apartment, and only then take you down the aisle.
8. He is already married
It happens. There may be options:
- You are not his only passion, but you do not know about it. The partner carefully hides his legal spouse, and you are too in love to pay attention to some oddities.
- The man is in the process of a divorce, which has dragged on, and does not want to tell you about it until everything is officially over.
How to stop worrying about it
Think why you care so much
You need to understand why you so want to get married and worry about it. The reason “all my friends have been with the ring for a long time, but I haven’t yet” can hardly be called compelling.
Family pressure shouldn't stop you from building healthy relationships the way you want them to.
A reluctant marriage is unlikely to be a happy one, and you must understand that.
Is it important for you that the relationship is strong, mutual understanding and harmony reigned between you? Or was it all started for the sake of one day in a luxurious white dress and a stamp in your passport? First of all, understand yourself and determine your true motives.
If you want to get married because you are afraid of losing your man and think that you can keep him only through marriage, then there are probably problems in the relationship.
You do not perceive marriage as a joint, balanced decision to start a family and legalize a relationship, but simply try to save the situation.
However, you will only make it worse. Relationship problems need to be resolved before marriage, not the other way around.
Understand the reasons for the satellite
Much depends not only on your motives, but also on the reasons why the man does not propose. If you recognize them, you will understand whether it is worth worrying at all.
You are probably afraid that your partner does not love you, so you are in no hurry to give the coveted box with a ring. But the matter may be quite different.
What can be done
1. Discuss the problem and find a compromise
Talk to your partner. Unobtrusively, delicately touch upon a topic that is painful for you. Tell me why this is important to you, give arguments (if any) and get his opinion. Let him share his experiences with you.
If it turns out that he is not ready for big expenses, explain that you will be satisfied with a modest painting and a simple dinner with family and friends.
If your partner has hidden grievances, grievances, or fears that he hasn’t talked about before, listen and together decide on what to do next. Make it clear that you are ready to listen to his opinion and value the relationship. Remember honesty, trust and understanding.
It happens that the problem is much deeper, and one cannot do without a joint visit to a family psychologist. However, this should happen by mutual desire.
2. Don't talk about the wedding all the time
There is no need to become annoying and ask every day: "Well, when already?" Excessive pressure will definitely not help, but calmness and tact will be in place. A man should not think that marriage is a trap into which you somehow want to lure him as soon as possible.
If you have discussed everything, you know for sure that your partner does not have another wife, love is strong and you plan the future together, just give him time. Agree to come back to the question later. For example, when you reach your primary goals.
4. Make an offer yourself
Maybe this is not exactly what you dreamed of, but there is such an option. And it can work if the reasons for the inaction of the companion are not in psychological trauma or another woman.
In Ireland, for example, there was such a tradition: on February 29, a woman could propose to a man, but he had no right to refuse it. True, leap years are rare, and you risk scaring off a man with excessive assertiveness.
He just won't marry you. Or marry, but very soon. Everything. Accept this. Prioritize and decide what is more important to you: a happy relationship with a loved one or a piece of paper from the registry office. Of course, we are not talking about those cases when the man is already married or does not have feelings for you. He just doesn't want to get married.