How to comfort a loved one

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Attempts to calm the crying person often turn into awkwardness. You want to support the person, show empathy, and strengthen your relationship, but it's not easy to decide what is best to say and what to do. Therefore, often we just clumsily pat a person on the back and say some platitudes. We've put together tips for you that will really help you comfort your loved ones.

1. "Witness" the other person's feelings

We all know how hard it is to be in a situation where you need to comfort someone, but the right words are not found.

Fortunately, more often than not, people don't expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, with the help of such phrases: "I know that it is very difficult for you now", "I am sorry that it is so difficult for you." So you will make it clear that you really see what it is like for a loved one now.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings

We need not only to show what we know about the experiences of the interlocutor, but also to confirm that these experiences are also close and understandable to us. To do this, you can share your own experience.

But be careful, do not pull all the attention to yourself, do not try to prove that it was even worse for you. Briefly mention that you have also found yourself in a similar situation before, and ask in more detail about the state of the person you are comforting.

3. Help a loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, at first he just needs to speak out. This is especially true for women.

So wait to suggest solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting to sort out their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. Answering your questions, the interlocutor can himself find some solutions, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and just feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions you can use in this case:

• Tell me what happened.
• Tell me what bothers you.
• What led to this?
• Help me understand how you feel.
• What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word "why", they are too similar to condemnation and will only anger the interlocutor.

4. Do not minimize the suffering of the interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh

When we are faced with the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what we ourselves feel is a trifle can often upset others. Therefore, do not minimize the suffering of the other person.

What if someone is really worried about a trifle? Ask if there is any data that disagrees with his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, without this it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if appropriate

Sometimes people do not want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to the usual behavior with this or that person. If you are not too close, placing your hand on your shoulder or hugging slightly will be enough. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember not to be too zealous when comforting your soul mate: your partner may take this for flirting and be offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve the problem

If the person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your concerns, the other person will feel relieved.

Ask if you can do something else. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often it does, offer to go to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the other person has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is himself in a disputable situation. If the person you are comforting is vague about what can be done in their situation, help develop specific steps. If he doesn't know what to do at all, suggest your options.

If the person is sad, not because of a particular event, but because they are depressed, immediately move on to discussing specific actions that can help. Or offer to do something, like going for a walk together. Excessive reflections will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

7. Promise to continue supporting

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how difficult it is for a loved one now, and that you are ready to continue to support him in everything.