Friendship under compulsion: what it is and why it is worth getting rid of such a relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Sometimes friendship becomes a burden, and no one is to blame for this.

Unfortunately, friendship can grow in the same way that it grows out of children's pants. If this happens, then communication is no longer a pleasure. It generally comes to naught, because there is nothing to talk about. Interests do not coincide, and each becomes a friend under duress.

A coerced friend is a person you don't want to spend time with, but you continue to do it out of habit or because you are ashamed to admit when it's time to stop communicating.

How friendship begins and why it ends

When you meet someone for the first time, you don't know if you have many common interests.

Then you get to know each other better, get to know each other better and find more and more in common. The more interests coincide, the stronger the friendship.

There are more common hobbies, topics for conversation, and you get closer.

When you reach a certain boundary, the convergence stops. It's good if over time everything remains the same. But if there are no new common interests, and the old ones have changed, then distance is inevitable.

Without noticing it, you will slowly begin to move away from each other. Meetings will become less frequent, calls will be shorter. This will continue until communication begins to deliver tangible discomfort. But even in this case, it will be difficult for you to end the friendship because of the habit, although the company of each other will cease to bring pleasure. A friend will become a friend under compulsion, and your attitude towards him is twofold.

Who does it most often happen to?

No one is immune from growing out of friendship. But most often this happens with the following categories of people:

• childhood friends;
• former colleagues;
• classmates;
• beloved ones with whom you parted with friends;
• people you met while traveling;
• those who made a good first impression, but turned out to be not that great.

How to understand that this happened to you

You have been moving away from each other for more than one day. The process can take years, so the changes are not obvious. But there are alarm bells signaling that there is no turning back.

• Common interests are dwindling.
• There is more contradiction.
• You avoid meetings and call up through I do not want.
• Communication is like a routine, you are not having fun together.
• There are always more important things to do than a friend.

What to do if friendship has outlived its usefulness

You can mentally consider yourself a traitor. So many years together, and now suddenly the person is not the same, the friendship is not the same, I no longer want to communicate. The guilt will overwhelm you like a wave. Ashamed of thoughts and even scolding yourself for them, you will continue to call up and see each other, because you have always done it. But when a relationship is based on guilt alone, it is doomed to fail. Ask yourself one question and answer honestly: is it really as great to spend time with a friend as it used to be?

Stop blaming yourself

Understand that this is not your fault. You have not betrayed your friendship, you are not a bad person. It's just that life does not stand still. Time passes, everything changes, you and your attitude to familiar things change. Look at the situation soberly, forgive yourself and take a serious step.

Stop communicating

When you force yourself to spend time with someone or pretend everything is okay, you are lying to yourself and your friend. This will not make anyone feel better.

Let the person go. It's difficult, scary, uncomfortable. But this is the best thing you can do. Be honest with yourself and others. Remember that feigned intimacy will sooner or later get tired of both of you. Thank each other for the pleasant moments and disperse peacefully.