Separate budget: how to keep personal money and warm relationships

What is a split budget

With a joint budget, everything is clear: both partners put all the income in a nightstand or on one account and jointly manage them. The split is more difficult. It is obvious that the money of the spouses (we are not necessarily talking about officially registered relations, but for convenience we will call the people who run a joint household that way) remain with them. But there are options here.

Completely segregated budget

Everyone gets their salary and keeps it on their card. For common purchases, spouses pay either in half or in turns. In this case, one can treat another to dinner in a restaurant or give something. Nevertheless, most of the spending is clearly divided equally.

In some cases, if one partner does not have enough money for something, the other can lend him a loan.

Who suits

People who are in a guest marriage and keep separate households. In fact, there are almost no shared costs in such a partnership. Otherwise, it is logical to divide the spending equally.

What are the disadvantages

With a common economy, it is quite difficult to keep track of all expenses and achieve their equality. A lot of time is spent on calculations. There is a risk of finding out who ate how much and how much shampoo they spent so that everything is fair.

Separate budget with priority in boards

Here, the scheme is approximately the same as with a completely separate budget, only the spouses pay the bills in turn or by agreement. This kind of financial management requires perhaps more trust than an overall budget. Spending may not be the same, even the cost of a basket of groceries for a week sometimes differs by several thousand. And appetites may vary.

The costs of large purchases are discussed, as well as the contribution of each partner to them.

Who suits

Spouses who don't really care about equal distribution of expenses and who talk to each other a lot. With the ability and desire to hear your partner, you can achieve an optimal distribution of costs.

What are the disadvantages

It is difficult to calculate who spent how much and plan expenses. Conflicts on the basis of inequality of deposits are possible. In addition, with a large difference in income, it is likely that the expenses of one spouse will be critical in relation to his salary. It may be his turn to pay, but he will no longer have the money.

Separate budget with a contribution to the common piggy bank

Spouses are reset monthly to general expenses - usually a fixed amount. The contribution can be equal or not. Often, the size of the contribution of partners is determined depending on the income, the volume of use of what was bought with the common money, and other factors. Large expenses are negotiated.

If the income is small and almost the entire salary goes to the general piggy bank, it would be more correct to call the budget general.

Who suits

This is the most versatile split budget model. It is easy to control how the common money is spent, just to monitor compliance with the agreements. No need to prioritize spending or dump on cleaning agent and bread - money just comes from a shared piggy bank.

What are the disadvantages

Virtually none, if you periodically make adjustments to the scheme. For example, prices may rise and the total amount will not be enough. It is also worth discussing what exactly counts as shared spending, as views on this issue can vary.

How Split Budgets Affect Relationships

Much depends on the relationship itself: if both partners are adequate, any model will do. At the same time, there are a number of advantages to having a separate budget.

Less reason to quarrel

Money is the most common cause of disagreement in Russian families. According to the survey results, Family quarrels and violence, because of this, more than a third of couples quarrel. A split budget allows you to get around sharp corners, but only if there is enough money in the family. If they are not enough for the essentials, quarrels can still arise.

More security

Personal savings allow you to end a relationship at the moment when it is no longer satisfactory or becomes dangerous. Money is needed at least to find housing and move. A separate budget allows you not to hide a stash under the floorboard, gaining savings on discounts, but to form a full-fledged airbag.

More financial independence

With a split budget, you don't need to coordinate small spending with your partner. You will not find yourself in a humiliating situation when you have to ask the other half for money for tights or jigs. You spend your personal money on what you see fit.

Easier to save

If a partner sabotages cost control and cost planning, then it is almost impossible to do so with a shared budget. When separated, you are completely autonomous.

But you need to understand how you will dispose of your savings. Let's say your partner is wasteful and doesn't put off anything. If we are talking about general large purchases, you may have to take all costs on yourself. And here a lot depends on the climate in the family. Someone will spend money on themselves and a partner with joy, someone will see injustice in this.

How to keep a separate budget and avoid disaster

A separate budget does not guarantee that there will be no quarrels over money. On the contrary, you will have to communicate and negotiate much more, because there are many nuances.

Rebuild when circumstances have changed

In life, not always everything develops in a simple and linear way, so you need to be flexible. For example, having a baby will require adjustments. One of the partners goes on maternity leave and loses some of the income. At the same time, family expenses are growing. It will not work to pretend that nothing happened and that you can live as before.

Oksana has a different look at the split budget after the birth of a child.

When they began to live together, my husband offered to put in a common piggy bank for the same amount for food, household goods, housing and communal services. If the money ran out earlier, everyone bought something at their own expense, without reporting anything. Large purchases were paid from the card of one person, and the second then threw half of this amount onto the card or personally transferred it.

Then a child was born. I went on maternity leave, stopped receiving a salary and putting money in a common piggy bank. And the husband too. That is, the common fund is gone, and I have no money. The maternity money - about 12 thousand - I was asked to add to the common piggy bank.

As a result, when the baby was five months old, I got a remote job, and then another and another. Nobody remembers the common piggy bank anymore, everyone spends money from their own. The expenses for the child are mostly mine, because dad does not see the point in many of them. Toys, entertainment - mostly I pay for everything. It's easier for me to do something or buy myself than to hear a thousand explanations of how I can do without it.

Natalya Pereseat on her husband's neck for the duration of the mortgage.

We have always had a separate budget. Each received a salary on his card, paid for purchases in turn. That is, we did not fold in half and, in principle, did not follow the equality of spending, so that with the same success it would be possible to keep a common budget. But psychologically it was perceived differently: everyone had their own money for the whole month, which he could spend at his own discretion. At the same time, both spent them wisely: we are a team with common goals and we care about each other's well-being.

But a year ago we took out a mortgage for eight years and decided to pay it off in a little over a year. It was possible not to strain, but it was our choice, which made us tighten our belts. I give my earnings entirely to early payments. The husband does the same with part of his salary, and we live on the rest.

That is, we quickly rebuilt for a while for a specific goal. This is more or less comfortable only due to the fact that none of us uses money for manipulation, we both understand well how our budget works and what our regular expenses are.

And yet, this kind of budget management makes you not free to spend. If you are not in front of your partner, then in front of yourself you must make excuses for every waste. As soon as the mortgage is paid off, we will return to the old scheme as the most optimal for us.

Questions such as the birth of a child, possible dismissal and similar situations, when one of the partners loses their earnings, should be discussed in advance. It's okay to switch to a different financial scheme if something has changed. With a split budget, nothing changes: you are family, not enemies.

Consider other resources

When assessing the contribution of each to family affairs, it would be wrong to count only money. For example, let's say you've planned a trip and decided to chip in equally. Only one person transfers his part to the card to another and calmly waits for a vacation. And the other is looking for tickets at this time, booking a hotel, thinking over routes - wasting his energy and time that he could have left for something else.

In everyday life, it is still more critical. Not to mention that a person who has more time and energy can afford to earn more. So money is not the only argument here.

Elena Invests in a common cause with money and time.

Now our budget can hardly be called separate, since I have not been working for three months. I only have a small part-time income. But before that, everyone always had their own money. The husband earned at first twice as much, and then eight times. I was always responsible for home purchases. But since my husband is a big man and eats much more, he paid a significant part of the expenses: he gave a certain amount, and I added everything that was on top. Plus, he understands that cooking and home is a huge waste of time, and time is money. So it's fair when I spend my time and his money.

Of course, with such a difference in income, it happens that something is too expensive for me, for example, vacation. I'm just saying how much I am ready to spend, in what conditions to live. All that the husband wants on top of this, he pays, for example, a more comfortable hotel.

Don't put the financial issue at the top of the relationship

From the outside, any form of a split budget can look like a manifestation of distrust to each other. And if such a division of capital leads to scandals and infringement of someone's interests, it may be worth looking for another financial model. Or another partner.

It is important that the split budget fits in harmoniously with your relationship. It works if there is trust in the couple, if you know that the partner is acting in the common interest, if you are willing to support each other and discuss spending.

Irina considers trust to be an important factor in financial matters.

We had a discussion of the budget only once, at the very beginning of our relationship. The conversation turned out to be a little comical, but I attribute it to the difference in mentality. My husband is Finn, and the Finnish salary topic is perhaps one of the most taboo. So after 40 minutes of walking around the bush, he finally offered to discuss what, based on my salary, I could afford in terms of travel and entertainment. We did not live together then, so the issue of joint purchases was not even considered.

With the growth of trust in each other, it became easier to discuss finances and problems associated with them. Subsequently, the question of who can afford what became the motto of our financial relations. But all this division does not mean that we are constantly counting numbers. I don’t know how many times a week I bought groceries, or how many times he replenished household chemicals. It all happens very naturally and naturally. Also, we do not count how much each person spent from their savings on personal hobbies.

I think this trust is born from what I see in my partner: the desire to improve the general life, spend a lot of time in joint entertainment and travel, the desire to develop professionally and financially. I have the same thing. And if a difficult financial situation happens, I am sure that we will help and support each other without calculations and reproaches.