5 effective ways to beat guilt

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Feelings of guilt are an important emotional regulator that allows us to adhere to our own values and stay within the framework of social norms. But, becoming excessive, it begins to poison existence. These tips will help to dump the ballast of unnecessary self-accusations and at least make life a little easier.

Healthy and unhealthy wine

When we think about guilt and guilt, the first thing that pops up is the image of the criminal. And this is logical, because a person who has violated basic laws and moral norms should not be considered a hero and, in general, should not feel good. Otherwise, society will simply cease to exist.

In conditions when people freely and joyfully kill each other, humanity will not last long.

Plus, guilt helps us stick to our values. When we do something that goes against them, we feel unwell. And this is good: this way we are less likely to betray our own ideals and offend the people we value and respect.

But feelings of guilt can also arise on the smallest of occasions and take on frightening proportions. For example, in cases where a person hates himself because of a piece of cake eaten; scolds himself for what it is worth, because he forgot about the appointment with the doctor; fancies himself the last egoist, as he supposedly does not enough for family, friends or partner. There is already a clear problem here.

Why excessive guilt occurs

There may be a lot of reasons, but all of them, as a rule, are of a psychological nature. Here are just a few examples:

1. Hypertrophied guilt can be a symptom of clinical depression.

2. Feelings of guilt can be related to childhood trauma or PTSD. Traumatic guilt takes many forms: from “survivors' guilt” (arises in those who escaped from disasters) to blaming themselves for “better” life (it can appear in people with relatives or loved ones with physical, mental or mental problems).

3. Guilt can be the result of low self-esteem, which is often influenced by toxic parents.

Whatever the reasons, unhealthy feelings of guilt can and should be fought.

Dealing with guilt

At first glance, these methods may seem simple, but they take time and effort to get started. After all, in essence, you need to change the usual way of thinking. So be patient. And don't judge yourself if something doesn't work out.

1. Look for evidence of innocence

If you feel guilty because you are not doing enough for your loved ones, family members, or anyone else, write down the things you regularly do for them.

It can even be small things like a cup of coffee in the morning or a few kind words. You are wasting your energy on them anyway.

Carry this list with you at all times and refer to it whenever you feel a new prick of guilt. Of course, over time it can be supplemented.

2. Talk to the source of the blame

Ask people you think you are neglecting about their feelings. It is possible that all their possible claims are just the fruit of your mind.

Otherwise, turn on critical thinking. Think about how an outside observer would assess the situation. Would he think that you are really not doing enough for those close to you, or did he decide that those close to you are asking too much of you?

In the first case, you will have to look for a compromise solution together; in the second, you will have to begin to get used to the idea that the accusations are groundless.

3. Appreciate yourself and everything you do

Make it a rule at the end of the day to write down at least three of your accomplishments, such as what you did for others or to achieve your own goal. Read these lists at the end of each week.

Low self-esteem, perfectionism, and guilt make you focus on what you didn't or did wrong. By focusing on achievement, you eradicate this addiction.

4. Fight black and white thinking

All-or-nothing thoughts are also the machinations of harmful perfectionism. How do they manifest themselves? At least in the fact that you consider yourself either the best partner / parent / child in the world, or the worst. There is no third. But in life between black and white there is still a mass of gray shades that people with an exaggerated sense of guilt simply ignore.

Your goal is to learn to notice and understand them. Yes, your behavior may not be perfect, but it is not terrible either.

5. Look for hidden emotions

Often, guilt masks other feelings: anger, fear, resentment. This situation can arise in a relationship with a partner who either plays the role of a victim or is the most common narcissist. He can convince you that any minute spent not with him and not for him is an attack of wild selfishness. As a result, you feel guilty, refusing him or wasting time on your own affairs, although deep down you are angry, offended, or afraid of ruining the relationship.

What to do? First, look inward and look for hidden feelings. In this case, it makes sense to think about psychotherapy. Secondly, to continue to defend their right to their own life, even if there is a threat of breaking off relations. The pleasure of a union in which you feel like a prisoner is still dubious.