7 Signs of an Emotional Abuser

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Check if there are emotional rapists or abuser in your environment, because there is only one salvation from them: to run wherever you look.

What kind of beast is this - an abuser

There are real professionals in violence. They mock and humiliate others to compensate for their own internal shortcomings, it is their habit to live and communicate. Such people are called abuser (from the English abuse - cruel treatment, abuse of power).

We have already begun to talk about husbands abusing, but this concept is much broader: there are abuser wives, abuser parents, abuser grandfathers and grandmothers (a vivid example is described in the book "Bury me behind the plinth" by Pavel Sanaev), bosses and colleagues abuser.

That is, the abuser can be a man or woman of different ages and social status.

The problem with communicating with them is that not only do they force a person to do something, they also make him feel like a black sheep and feel guilty. The victim of the abuser receives the message: “You are a complete nonentity, I hate you! And yes, I am angry, but it is your fault that brought me to this state!"

How to recognize an abuser

1. Abuser is rude to animals and children

A sign that does not require special comments, because a rude attitude and harsh remarks ("All children need to be flogged, but harder so that they know who is in charge of the family!" a person's inner craving for violence.

2. The abuser ignores personal boundaries

In families, this can manifest itself in the habit of entering someone else's room without knocking, trying to take other people's things without asking, prohibitions to close doors, which are accompanied by the phrases “Why are you closing the door? Do you have anything to hide from me?"

If this is an unfamiliar person, then he comes too close, touches your things and touches you, not interested in your opinion on this matter. And if you start to resist and show your displeasure, he says something like: "Oh, how gentle we are!" - as if accusing you of being unpleasant for the intrusion of a stranger.

3. The abuser denies the legitimacy of your own feelings, desires and requests

In the family, he will ignore your attempts to say that you are hurt, unpleasant, scared, that you do not want to do something or go somewhere. Your pleas and tears will not touch him. The maximum that you can hear is "Stop whining!", "It's good for me to endure the brain!"

If this is an unfamiliar person, he will act in the same way as described in the previous paragraph, accusing you of being oversensitive or simply not understanding, and if you do, then you will definitely not evaluate.

4. Abuser criticizes all the time

From a loved one, you will regularly hear that you have a terrible figure, that you are always dressed differently (“What dressed up like a prostitute ?!”, “Well, you look like a bum in such clothes! breastfeeding up to three years! "), behaving in the wrong way (" Well, why are you different! Also a man for me, no wonder Ninka left you! ").

If this is an unfamiliar person, then about other people - colleagues, bosses, former partners, sexual and national minorities - he will speak extremely dismissively, accusing him of all sins and condemning for every offense.

Don't you like the way a new acquaintance talks about others? Be wary: it may not be long before he starts treating you the same way.

5. Abuser controls and interrogates

In the family, he seeks to solve all the main issues and be aware of what, where, when and with whom you did, holds the budget in his hands and makes you ask permission for every occasion. It also includes bosses who practice total and covert control (for example, covert video and audio recording), sudden checks.

If this person is unfamiliar, he will try to do everything possible to get the right to control you as soon as possible. She will persuade you to move in quickly, formalize a relationship, quit your job, have a child, while not being particularly interested in your plans for life.

6. The abuser isolates from other people

He is very and openly jealous when you are spending time with someone else, even relatives. It makes you always make excuses for not giving him enough attention, likes to ask: “Why do you need this Kolya? Do you miss me? He insults and criticizes all relatives, friends and acquaintances he dislikes, prohibits communicating with certain people.

An unfamiliar person can easily declare in a general conversation that you have spoken out, interrupt others and say complete nonsense, as well as broadcast double standards (“A woman should stay at home and serve her husband, and a husband ?! rest! "," If a woman raises her voice - she is hysterical, if a man - he is angry! ").

7. Abuser convinces that he loves like no other

It is this feature of theirs that makes many endure emotional abuse, because the abusers convince that all their humiliating actions, all the poisonous words, all the suffocating control solely from the feeling of love.

They manipulate the most sacred concept - "love", sincerely believing that for this they will be ready to forgive everything!

If we are talking about an unfamiliar person who still cannot declare his own love, he will rely on taking care of you and your welfare.

Keep in mind that a single criterion, which appears rarely, cannot indicate an abuser. But if a person often forces you to go against your will, feel humiliation and guilt, while strenuously convincing you of his good intentions and ignoring your feelings, then he is an abuser. He is a wolf in grandma's clothes, whose goal is to devour you for his own satisfaction!

What to do if an abuser is near

First, admit that you are not guilty, you are being abused.

If this is an unfamiliar person, run away from him and try not to contact. If this is not possible (for example, a colleague at work), do not get close to him and try to emotionally isolate him from him.

If it is someone close to you, such as a mom, dad, or spouse, the best mental health advice is still to run. Breaking close ties, however, can be extremely difficult. In this case, be sure to take care of relationships with friends and family who can support you, keep at least a grain of your own independence, including material independence, and try to emotionally isolate yourself from him (a psychologist can help with this).

Take care of yourself! This is your main task in this world. No one else will do this, and even more so the abuser, even if he convinces him otherwise.